[nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People

[Kirt Manwaring]

Kerry,
  It's happened to me before, I think that's something a lot of blind
people can relate to.  For me especially in High School it was the
hardest cause I had friends but my "group" from Junior High and the
first part of high school kinda fell apart so my friends were kinda
all over the place and it was hard.
  That doesn't happen as much to me anymore, but that's probably me
more than anything.  I'm fine taking someone's arm, especially in a
restaurant or crowded kind of place.  And...the way I see it, it's
better to get rides with people and only pay for cabs when you have to
or when you're looking to get away and not be with friends.  I bum
rides off of people all the time, especially if the person's going the
same place I am.
  But that's just me.  Honestly, the more I've just been proactive and
asked if I could sit with friends when I find them in my college food
court, or invite people to go to games with me, or whatever, the more
success I've had.  I honestly think a lot of the confusion comes from
sighted people not knowing how to handle a blind person who likes
going out and doing stuff on his/her own...people take for granted how
nice independence is.  It's like...I don't think most sighted people
would feel liberated going to a college basketball game by themselves,
going to a bar/restaurant alone, independently going to a movie
theater and buying a drink, that sort of thing.  But for us blind
people, if we're still learning those skills and gaining confidence
with independent travel, we like going places by ourselves to show
ourselves we can.  At least I do.  And I think lots of times, sighted
people don't really get that.
  That being said, I think it's also important to remember we're not
that different from our sighted friends.  And just because they may
not understand why we feel the need to sometimes go places totally by
ourselves, that doesn't mean they can't be our friends.  But I do
think it's ok to go places with sighted friends.  Honestly, I wouldn't
be surprised if those people who came and talked to you thought you
wanted to be alone because you weren't with a group of people.
Independence is great...but I think real independence is the freedom
to go where you want to go, hang out with who you want to hang out
with, even when that means you take someone's arm or find a ride
somewhere.  Heck...some of my good friends now were people who came up
to me, thought I was lost, and walked with me for a while, or helped
me find the line I wanted in the food court, or find a room in a
building, or whatever.  Even when sometimes I could've done it on my
own.
  So in conclusion, don't be afraid to ask people if you can join
them.  Don't be afraid to go places with sighted people, who you
trust, even if that means taking an arm or letting them drive.  And
most of all, don't give up.  Most sighted people are kind, friendly
and courteous.  I think you'll find that, once they know you for a
while and accept you, blindness will become less and less of an issue.
 It won't go away completely, but it doesn't have to be a social
barrier.  So...I'd just say trust in yourself and don't be afraid to
take help sometimes.  Because, a lot of the time, a sighted person
trying to help you is wanting a friend as much as you are...I've met
some of my best friends that way.
  Good luck,
Kirt

On 3/26/11, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
> Kerri, I don't know what to do in your situation. I have some of the
> same problems at my community college. I'll say hi to somebody, but
> they won't respond. I do have a question, though. I know it's off
> topic, but how do you access Facebook? Every time I try to create a
> page, the computer shuts down. Please help me offline.
> Thanks, Joshua
>
> On 3/26/11, Kerri Kosten <kerrik2006 at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hi All!
>>
>> I thought I'd bring this topic up because I'm interested in hearing
>> opinions and a lot of people have commented when I mentioned this on
>> Facebook.
>>
>> As I've posted here before, my father owned a popular bar/restaurant
>> that I like to go to on the weekends.
>>
>> I am noticing that quite often people will come up to where I am
>> sitting, say hi, have a quick conversation with me, and than say
>> "Well, I'm going to go join my other friends. Nice seeing you," or
>> something like that.
>>
>> I have tried to not let it bother me, just ignore it, cheerfully say
>> goodbye and go on but it's starting to really bother me. Last night I
>> saw two girls that live in the same apartment complex as I do, and one
>> of them works at the radio station with me.
>>
>> I use my cane all the time when I'm in Crockett's, to get everywhere.
>> I never ask to take someone's arm, and even when I go outside to catch
>> my cab to get home I go out by myself. I never ask people for rides,
>> always paying for cabs to and from to independently get there and
>> back. I always wear glasses to make my eyes look less funky (one is a
>> lot tinier than the other), I always make sure my hair is brushed
>> back, and it is always clean. I usually wear jeans but last night I
>> was wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a nice shirt with a sweater
>> vest over it that I know looks nice because it was the outfit I wore
>> for Christmas. I usually do not wear makeup but put lipstick on last
>> night.
>>
>>
>> I discussed this situation earlier with a good friend who is also
>> totally blind and she said people do the same sort of thing to her in
>> the dining hall at the college she attends.
>>
>> Do many of you get similar treatment by sighted people?
>>
>> In your opinion, what is the best way to react/handle it? Is it rude
>> to ask the person if you can join their group or should you always
>> wait until you are invited?
>>
>> How do you deal with this and not let it affect/bother you or put you
>> in a negative mood/frame of mind?
>>
>> The hardest thing for me is when people come up and talk to me and
>> then they don't invite me to join in and I am left sitting alone it
>> really upsets me and makes me think negatively. I was told that at
>> least people do come up and talk to me;they could just walk past and
>> not say a word. Sometimes though, in a way I think that would make
>> things easier because then I would have never known they were there in
>> the first place. I was also told to just cheerfully go on as if
>> nothing happened and try to not let it bother me, and to think of
>> myself as number one.
>>
>> Just something I thought I'd bring up for discussion. I understand all
>> anyone can give is their opinion.
>>
>> Kerri
>>
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