[nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People

Sun Mar 27 04:19:30 UTC 2011

Kerry and Serina,
  I wasn't saying just ask random people if you could join their
group.  And, yeah, it's not easy.  But the impression I got (and
Kerry, maybe I'm totally off here and if I am I'm sorry) was that
these were people you already knew.  Not just random people saying hi.
  And, honestly, having been there and knowing I'll be there again, I
totally disagree wholeheartedly about the sighted people who leave us
alone being immature or stupid.  I'm sure we've all done the same to
someone before, maybe not even realizing or understanding what we're
doing.  I think it's not healthy to judge or condemn people for
rejecting us, because I think most of us, including me, turn around
and do the same thing to people we think are different or who we don't
know how to handle.  I think I've come to realize that, more often
than not, people will leave me alone when I go places by myself.  I've
ran in to a few exceptions, like school dances or huge parties where
everyone kinda just mixed and mingled anyway, but mostly I think that
rule holds true.  I think a lot of times people go to bars or
restaurants or the like with their groups of friends, so that makes it
trickier to socialize when you go alone.  That's not to say it can't
be done, it's just more complicated.
  And another thing that might be worth thinking about.  Just because
someone says hi, talks for a second, then leaves doesn't mean your
blindness makes them leave.  Maybe they have friends sitting at a
table already.  Maybe the person's on a schedule and really can't talk
because they're going to go meet friends somewhere else.  Maybe
they're alone, like you, but too afraid to ask if they can join
you...maybe there's a lot of other things you don't know about that
make someone leave after coming by to say hi.  I'm not saying them
being unsure how to handle your blindness isn't a factor, it's
probably a big one.  But I think you do yourself a huge injustice if
you think the only reason people leave after short conversation is
your blindness.  Heck, if that were true, I'd say you'd have a lot
more people straight up ignoring you instead of at least making a
small effort.  There could be lots of other factors involved,
especially if whoever came to say hi was at the bar with a group of
friends and felt obligated to get back.  That's why I say it's easier
to go to places like restaurants with someone.
  But mostly don't get discouraged.  I think most of us have been
there...heck, I'd say probably most people, blind or sighted, have
been there.  I know I have and it's not easy.  But, like anything else
in life, it's very doable.
  HOpe that helps,
Kirt

On 3/26/11, Serena Cucco <serenacucco at verizon.net> wrote:
> It's true that sighted people might think you want to be alone cuz you're
> sitting alone, but I frankly think they're stupid!  You're probably sitting
> alone cuz you came to the bar or lunch/dinner table alone, but that's cuz
> you weren't with anyone, not cuz you wanted to be alone.  It isn't so simple
> to find a group of people to sit with, especially if you're not very
> familiar with the bar or dining hall.  When I was in college, there were
> many times I came to the dining hall alone and people sat with me or didn't,
> depending on who was around.  My sighted friend Anthony often came alone and
> often came with his girlfriend ... I'm sure people sometimes sat with him,
> but I'm sure he sometimes ended up eating alone.  If you come alone, I think
> it's better to not ask random people to join their group just to make people
> know you're not antisocial.  It's better to simply sit alone and hope people
> realize you don't want to be alone.  It's the age.  Young adults are simply
> that ... young and often immature.  Sorry, but I think many people, sighted
> or blind, are just plain dumb!
>
> Also, I think the socializing issue is separate from learning independence
> skills, except that Kerrie mentioned not using sighted guide or asking
> people for rides to show she's not burdening her acquaintances.  I don't
> think she's purposely going places alone simply to be independent.  Kerrie,
> please correct me if I'm wrong.
>
> Serena
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Brianna Scerenscko
> Sent: Saturday, March 26, 2011 7:31 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People
>
> I agree with the statement that at first a sighted person may not know
> how to handle being with a blind person and or they may think you want
> to be alone because you were sitting alone. I've met some pretty great
> people who are now friends of mine that I met by them helping me or
> giving me sighted guide in a crowded and unfamiliar area. Although
> independents is important, it's okay to ask for rides or help if you
> feel you need it.
> Good Luck
> Brianna
>
>
> On 3/26/11, Hope Paulos <hope.paulos at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hi Kerri. I don't know if I'd ask them if you could  join  their group.
> They
>> might just do it out of politeness and feel obligated to let you join. You
>> said your family  runs  a bar. Why not, instead of sitting at a table
> alone,
>> go to the bar where there are a lot more people sitting closer together?
>> Unfortunately, that's all I can suggest. I'm sorry.
>> Hope and guide dog, Beignet
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Brianna Scerenscko" <bfs1206 at gmail.com>
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Saturday, March 26, 2011 6:37 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People
>>
>>
>>>I don't mean to sound consided or anything. :)
>>>
>>> On 3/26/11, Brianna Scerenscko <bfs1206 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> I have been in that same situation both at school and in other social
>>>> gathering places. I'm not sure how to handle it; whenever it happens
>>>> to me, I usually feel bad for a few seconds, and then think "oh well,
>>>> their loss". LOL I honestly think my parents feel worse about it than
>>>> I do.
>>>>
>>>> On 3/26/11, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>>>>> Kerri, I don't know what to do in your situation. I have some of the
>>>>> same problems at my community college. I'll say hi to somebody, but
>>>>> they won't respond. I do have a question, though. I know it's off
>>>>> topic, but how do you access Facebook? Every time I try to create a
>>>>> page, the computer shuts down. Please help me offline.
>>>>> Thanks, Joshua
>>>>>
>>>>> On 3/26/11, Kerri Kosten <kerrik2006 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>> Hi All!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I thought I'd bring this topic up because I'm interested in hearing
>>>>>> opinions and a lot of people have commented when I mentioned this on
>>>>>> Facebook.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> As I've posted here before, my father owned a popular bar/restaurant
>>>>>> that I like to go to on the weekends.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I am noticing that quite often people will come up to where I am
>>>>>> sitting, say hi, have a quick conversation with me, and than say
>>>>>> "Well, I'm going to go join my other friends. Nice seeing you," or
>>>>>> something like that.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I have tried to not let it bother me, just ignore it, cheerfully say
>>>>>> goodbye and go on but it's starting to really bother me. Last night I
>>>>>> saw two girls that live in the same apartment complex as I do, and one
>>>>>> of them works at the radio station with me.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I use my cane all the time when I'm in Crockett's, to get everywhere.
>>>>>> I never ask to take someone's arm, and even when I go outside to catch
>>>>>> my cab to get home I go out by myself. I never ask people for rides,
>>>>>> always paying for cabs to and from to independently get there and
>>>>>> back. I always wear glasses to make my eyes look less funky (one is a
>>>>>> lot tinier than the other), I always make sure my hair is brushed
>>>>>> back, and it is always clean. I usually wear jeans but last night I
>>>>>> was wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a nice shirt with a sweater
>>>>>> vest over it that I know looks nice because it was the outfit I wore
>>>>>> for Christmas. I usually do not wear makeup but put lipstick on last
>>>>>> night.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I discussed this situation earlier with a good friend who is also
>>>>>> totally blind and she said people do the same sort of thing to her in
>>>>>> the dining hall at the college she attends.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Do many of you get similar treatment by sighted people?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> In your opinion, what is the best way to react/handle it? Is it rude
>>>>>> to ask the person if you can join their group or should you always
>>>>>> wait until you are invited?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> How do you deal with this and not let it affect/bother you or put you
>>>>>> in a negative mood/frame of mind?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The hardest thing for me is when people come up and talk to me and
>>>>>> then they don't invite me to join in and I am left sitting alone it
>>>>>> really upsets me and makes me think negatively. I was told that at
>>>>>> least people do come up and talk to me;they could just walk past and
>>>>>> not say a word. Sometimes though, in a way I think that would make
>>>>>> things easier because then I would have never known they were there in
>>>>>> the first place. I was also told to just cheerfully go on as if
>>>>>> nothing happened and try to not let it bother me, and to think of
>>>>>> myself as number one.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Just something I thought I'd bring up for discussion. I understand all
>>>>>> anyone can give is their opinion.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Kerri
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> Brianna Scerenscko
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Brianna Scerenscko
>>>
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> --
> Brianna Scerenscko
>
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