[nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People

Sun Mar 27 20:33:10 UTC 2011

Hi Anjelina, Ashley and All:

First, regarding the girls who live in the same apartment complex, I
had no idea they were going to Crockett's or I would've asked them. I
was already there and had been for quite a while before they came in.

Anjelina and others, that is a great point about inviting them to do
something else or telling them to text or call me if they would want
to do anything else.

I admit I am guilty of complaining that they do not invite me into
their group but never really thought much about inviting them to do
something else sometime. That may help sort of break the ice and allow
them to see that I like to do the same things as everyone else. It may
also show them that I do in fact see them as a friend outside of
Crockett's.

I guess I've just gotten so used to  going places alone that I never
really thought to try inviting them instead of just seeing them out.

For example, with the two girls who live in my apartment complex I
could invite them to the pool. I also know at least one of them likes
Starbucks so maybe going to Starbucks one day would be fun.

Anjelina, thanks for getting a sighted person's perspective. That is
interesting and helps me feel better about the situation. I am glad as
others have said this is not specifically related to blindness and
that sighted people also struggle with this and receive the same
treatment.

Thanks!
Kerri

On 3/27/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net> wrote:
> Kerry,
> They don't invite you because they already have their group of friends.
> Either invite yourself to sit with them or better yet if the girls live in
> the same complex, why not go with them?  Get a ride from them and go out and
> become friends.  If you are going the same place as them, its not  a big
> deal.
>
> I had others treat me this way in the college
> dining hall.  I'd often be alone and students would come up for a brief
> period of time.  I think its because they have their own friends or own
> plans.
> I think its common for people to make brief encounters like that.  If you
> want friends, you have to find some common interest. I struggled making
> friends; its not easy.
> But going out alone won't help get those friends.
>
> Ashley
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kerri Kosten
> Sent: Saturday, March 26, 2011 5:48 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list ; Robin Ayers
> Subject: [nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People
>
> Hi All!
>
> I thought I'd bring this topic up because I'm interested in hearing
> opinions and a lot of people have commented when I mentioned this on
> Facebook.
>
> As I've posted here before, my father owned a popular bar/restaurant
> that I like to go to on the weekends.
>
> I am noticing that quite often people will come up to where I am
> sitting, say hi, have a quick conversation with me, and than say
> "Well, I'm going to go join my other friends. Nice seeing you," or
> something like that.
>
> I have tried to not let it bother me, just ignore it, cheerfully say
> goodbye and go on but it's starting to really bother me. Last night I
> saw two girls that live in the same apartment complex as I do, and one
> of them works at the radio station with me.
>
> I use my cane all the time when I'm in Crockett's, to get everywhere.
> I never ask to take someone's arm, and even when I go outside to catch
> my cab to get home I go out by myself. I never ask people for rides,
> always paying for cabs to and from to independently get there and
> back. I always wear glasses to make my eyes look less funky (one is a
> lot tinier than the other), I always make sure my hair is brushed
> back, and it is always clean. I usually wear jeans but last night I
> was wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a nice shirt with a sweater
> vest over it that I know looks nice because it was the outfit I wore
> for Christmas. I usually do not wear makeup but put lipstick on last
> night.
>
>
> I discussed this situation earlier with a good friend who is also
> totally blind and she said people do the same sort of thing to her in
> the dining hall at the college she attends.
>
> Do many of you get similar treatment by sighted people?
>
> In your opinion, what is the best way to react/handle it? Is it rude
> to ask the person if you can join their group or should you always
> wait until you are invited?
>
> How do you deal with this and not let it affect/bother you or put you
> in a negative mood/frame of mind?
>
> The hardest thing for me is when people come up and talk to me and
> then they don't invite me to join in and I am left sitting alone it
> really upsets me and makes me think negatively. I was told that at
> least people do come up and talk to me;they could just walk past and
> not say a word. Sometimes though, in a way I think that would make
> things easier because then I would have never known they were there in
> the first place. I was also told to just cheerfully go on as if
> nothing happened and try to not let it bother me, and to think of
> myself as number one.
>
> Just something I thought I'd bring up for discussion. I understand all
> anyone can give is their opinion.
>
> Kerri
>
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