[nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People

[bookwormahb at earthlink.net]

Kerry,
They don't invite you because they already have their group of friends. 
Either invite yourself to sit with them or better yet if the girls live in 
the same complex, why not go with them?  Get a ride from them and go out and 
become friends.  If you are going the same place as them, its not  a big 
deal.

I had others treat me this way in the college
dining hall.  I'd often be alone and students would come up for a brief 
period of time.  I think its because they have their own friends or own 
plans.
I think its common for people to make brief encounters like that.  If you 
want friends, you have to find some common interest. I struggled making 
friends; its not easy.
But going out alone won't help get those friends.

Ashley

-----Original Message----- 
From: Kerri Kosten
Sent: Saturday, March 26, 2011 5:48 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list ; Robin Ayers
Subject: [nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People

Hi All!

I thought I'd bring this topic up because I'm interested in hearing
opinions and a lot of people have commented when I mentioned this on
Facebook.

As I've posted here before, my father owned a popular bar/restaurant
that I like to go to on the weekends.

I am noticing that quite often people will come up to where I am
sitting, say hi, have a quick conversation with me, and than say
"Well, I'm going to go join my other friends. Nice seeing you," or
something like that.

I have tried to not let it bother me, just ignore it, cheerfully say
goodbye and go on but it's starting to really bother me. Last night I
saw two girls that live in the same apartment complex as I do, and one
of them works at the radio station with me.

I use my cane all the time when I'm in Crockett's, to get everywhere.
I never ask to take someone's arm, and even when I go outside to catch
my cab to get home I go out by myself. I never ask people for rides,
always paying for cabs to and from to independently get there and
back. I always wear glasses to make my eyes look less funky (one is a
lot tinier than the other), I always make sure my hair is brushed
back, and it is always clean. I usually wear jeans but last night I
was wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a nice shirt with a sweater
vest over it that I know looks nice because it was the outfit I wore
for Christmas. I usually do not wear makeup but put lipstick on last
night.


I discussed this situation earlier with a good friend who is also
totally blind and she said people do the same sort of thing to her in
the dining hall at the college she attends.

Do many of you get similar treatment by sighted people?

In your opinion, what is the best way to react/handle it? Is it rude
to ask the person if you can join their group or should you always
wait until you are invited?

How do you deal with this and not let it affect/bother you or put you
in a negative mood/frame of mind?

The hardest thing for me is when people come up and talk to me and
then they don't invite me to join in and I am left sitting alone it
really upsets me and makes me think negatively. I was told that at
least people do come up and talk to me;they could just walk past and
not say a word. Sometimes though, in a way I think that would make
things easier because then I would have never known they were there in
the first place. I was also told to just cheerfully go on as if
nothing happened and try to not let it bother me, and to think of
myself as number one.

Just something I thought I'd bring up for discussion. I understand all
anyone can give is their opinion.

Kerri

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