[nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People

Mon Mar 28 18:39:39 UTC 2011

Yeah-sometimes I can't help wondering if we're going for "separate but
equal" as blind people, or if we want full-on integration, period.
The blind people I know really aren't different from the sighted
people I know.  There's no social barrier that says "you're sighted,
you can't understand me, you can't relate with me on a fundamental
human level cause I'm blind and you're not and that makes you unable
to relate."  If anything, (I'm talking generally here, there are lots
of exceptions to this), it's the blind people lots of times who act
like noone but blind people can relate and isolate themselves from the
sighted world.  Don't argue too hard, I've seen it way too much.
  And anyway, I've talked too much here.  Kerry, good luck.  I know
you've got it in you.  :)
  Best,
Kirt

On 3/28/11, Ignasi Cambra <ignasicambra at gmail.com> wrote:
> I don't think anyone thinks that it's strange for someone to stop and talk
> to somebody else for a couple of minutes and then leave. That's just what
> people do... If I'm doing something and run into someone I know I will
> probably say hi and then keep doing whatever I'm doing unless both me and
> that person happen to be bored enough that we decide to just do something
> together :).
> What's for sure is that, blind or not, people usually need to actively do
> something to make friends. If someone stops by and say hi and you happen to
> like that person in any way, then why can't you just say "hey, we should
> hang out sometime!" or something like that? There's really nothing wrong
> with that!!
> I play concerts in different places and find myself in situations like this
> often enough. I'm in a city I don't know playing with an orchestra. Let's
> say there's a violinist in there whom I know from when we were in school two
> years ago... Most likely we'll say hi to each other before one of the
> rehearsals, and if I have nothing to do after the concert I will most
> probably suggest that we go out and have dinner or something if that friend
> doesn't suggest it first. Am I doing that because I have no friends and my
> life is depressing? Well, no! I'm doing it because I haven't seen that
> person in a while and I feel like catching up after all this time. And
> that's really how that person will understand it. There's nothing wrong with
> actively wanting to do things with other people! It's a normal human
> behavior.
> As some people have said, I do think it's probably a better idea to go to a
> bar with someone. I personally don't go to bars by myself simply because it
> seems like a boring thing to do. If it's a bar where you know you'll meet
> friends because you know they're there, then great! But if not, I don't see
> the point of being there by myself.
> Cary, just like you, sighted people enjoy other people coming and talking to
> them and wanting to hang out with them. If you're just there expecting
> people to want to be your friend without doing much, they will probably not
> be very interested. But if they feel like you're interested in them and they
> see that you like hanging out with them, they will probably want to spend
> time with you if they like you. Really, sighted people are just normal
> people. Too many times on this list I see people writing about the sighted
> as if they were this completely different kind of people that we are trying
> to deal with every day. The last time I interacted with a blind person was
> at national convention last summer, but for all I know, it's really the
> same...
> Let us know how things go at the bar!
>
> IC
> On Mar 27, 2011, at 1:20 PM, Anjelina wrote:
>
>> Katie,
>> you make a lot of valid points. I spoke to a sighted friend about how she
>> would react, and she said this is common among sighted groups; this isn't
>> exclusive to blindness. She'll see a friend/acquaintance, stop and say hi
>> then move onto what she was originally doing. Not inviting the person
>> isn't in anyway a sign of exclusion or disrespect.
>> She recommended inviting the person to call or text when wanting to do
>> something another time.
>> I asked how she'd feel if someone invited themselves into a group and she
>> said it'd be a bit awkward depending on the friendship. She'd feel
>> obligated to say yes, which in some circles might make the social
>> experience forced.
>> There isn't an across  the board answer for all social situations. As Jedi
>> said, it comes down to your judgment.
>> -----Original Message----- From: Katie Wang
>> Sent: Sunday, March 27, 2011 12:53 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People
>>
>> Hi, Kerri and all,
>> This is an interesting discussion, and I think everyone has made
>> some great points. I would just like to add that blindness can become
>> a much smaller social barrier when you have some common interests with
>> the people you are interacting with. I know that it is much harder to
>> find such people when you are no longer in school, but perhaps you
>> could find some kind of church/community group to join (choir, book
>> clubs, community service organizations, etc.). Also, take the
>> initiative to socialize at work-- If there is someone you get along
>> well with and seem to have a lot in common, why not suggest getting
>> coffee or hang out outside of work? Perhaps you could even invite her
>> to go to the bar/restaurant you frequent.
>> Finally, I want to echo what Kirt (and a few others) to say that
>> blindness may not be the only factor involved here. I have sat alone
>> on occasion in college dining halls simply because my close friends
>> weren't around and others would rather stick with their own groups,
>> but I know that many sighted people have had similar experiences. I
>> also know many sighted people who have difficulty making new friends
>> after college, because it is harder to meet people who are in the
>> similar age range and interested in similar things. It is true that
>> many people may be hesitant to interact with us because we are blind,
>> and sometimes our blindness does make it harder to reach out in a
>> crowded setting (we may not be able to hear who is around so would
>> have to wait until others to greet us), but it is definitely not the
>> only determinant of our social experiences. Hope this helps and good
>> luck!
>>  Katie
>>
>>
>> On 3/27/11, Michelle Clark <mcikeyc at aol.com> wrote:
>>> Hello,
>>>
>>> I agree. Many times, sighted persons just do not have a clue as to what
>>> to
>>> do or how to act. I personally feel that often I as the blind person must
>>> take the first move to make people be comfortable.
>>>
>>> In the Bible, there is a scripture that states "To have friends, one must
>>> first show themselves friendly". I take that attitude and often am
>>> successful.
>>>
>>> On last week, I left a job in which I held for four months to move on to
>>> another offer that better suited my needs. On the last few days in which
>>> I
>>> was there, there were emails, hugs, and visits from others who just
>>> wanted
>>> to wish me good luck. Some even took my email, Face book info, and
>>> telephone
>>> number. I left there with tears in my eyes because I did not know how
>>> many
>>> friends I had made in that short amount of time.
>>>
>>> In all, I just made myself friendly and walked around, into person's
>>> offices
>>> to speak, initially I was just lost, and made sure I spoke most times
>>> when I
>>> heard something while in the halls; Even if I had to speak first.
>>>
>>> The greatest thing I did to bridge the understanding gap was to make a
>>> dish
>>> for an International Lunch the department had. I had to write a short
>>> story
>>> about myself. I took the pan home empty.
>>>
>>> It worked for me! I know it can work for you.
>>>
>>> Michelle
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
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>>
>> Anjelina
>>
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