[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 03:14:43 UTC 2011

Hi,
I agree with what has been said here so far. The status of someone's
vision has no bearing on their personality. Now, one could argue that
it's easier to date a blind person because you're more likely to hit
it off based on personality than a flirtation based on looks, so more
meaningful relationships are formed that way. Or it could be said that
sharing a common characteristic such as blindness makes you closer to
your partner because you can discuss the trials and tribulations of it
and know they truly understand. however, it can backfire. For example,
you can be an independent person, while your partner holds a sense of
entitlement and would rather have things handed to them. You can try
to change them, but if they don't want to see the light of day so to
speak, you can't, and shouldn't, force someone to change. Either they
will come around or they won't, so don't let yourself be dragged into
destructive patterns with them.
The other issue is this: there is a definite taboo surrounding the
topics of dating and sex among the disabled. Most of us probably were
not given adequate sex education because our parents didn't expect us
to grow up and explore our sexuality, especially if you were born
blind, and doubly if it was a genetic disorder that caused your
blindness. Some parents are good about it, if they're given the right
education about such matters, but my own were not. To this day they do
not believe I can find love because of my blindness. You see, they
have this perception that blind people are more screwed up than
sighted people, so the union of two of them spells disaster to them.
So, that rant aside, I've dated mostly blind people in my short life,
though my first boyfriend was sighted. It didn't play a big role in
our relationship because we were both 13, so no one's thinking about
the status of your employment or things of that nature at that age.
When you get older, though, I can definitely see how a sighted person
might judge you if you're unemployed, even if you truly are trying to
obtain a job and just haven't gotten lucky yet. No one wants a bum,
and most people frown on the idea of government assistance as well.
These thoughts are only based on my personal experiences, however.
Keep in mind that I live in rural pennsylvania where there are a lot
of ignorant, closed-minded people who put their hands on my head to
pray for me when they see me with my cane, or other assorted BS like
that. I've lived in Pittsburgh and philadelphia where people were a
lot less ignorant because they had more experience dealing with people
with disabilities. In cities, there are a lot more people, so of
course a broader range of experiences.
Well, that's all for now, I think I've said my piece. I'm sure I'll
think of more to add later though.

On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net> wrote:
> Humberto,
> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can do
> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is attracted
> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what feels
> right.
> Ashley
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Humberto
> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>
> Hello dear listers,
>
> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
> concerned.
> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
> everything else that a sighted person can do.
> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
> touch.
> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
> characteristic? Will she understand that?
> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
> and having high expectations.
> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
> with one or not.
> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>
> Cheers,  Humberto
>
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