[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 04:58:34 UTC 2011

That's exactly the problem!
Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
trained at LWSB.
It's crazy!
I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
dependence, when it comes to traveling.
I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
I like to travel to churches.
It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a blind one.
Remember, I'm totally blind.
Blessings, Joshua

On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is totally
> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you from my
> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had a very
> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh in much
> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that people
> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd known
> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate that they
> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not their fault,
> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and teacher
> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's another topic
> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we had talked
> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my own
> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend time with
> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do, one way
> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was only a
> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he approached
> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5 years now,
> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have some degree
> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the one".
>
> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a completely
> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I might as
> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I really
> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to her. I
> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick me up or
> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere (which often
> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired from
> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was available, she
> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as well. She,
> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about it when I
> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It was just
> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do with my
> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is currently in a
> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly blindness was
> not a turn-off to her.
>
> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a big
> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any significant
> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as such.
>
> Best,
>
> -Jamie
>
> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>
>> Homberto,
>>  I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand, after
>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than a
>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>  I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a lot,
>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off if
>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>> think most blind people would, too.
>>  So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and have
>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person you
>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have the
>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each other,
>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>> shouldn't change anything.
>>  Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term relationship,
>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because sighted
>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a blind
>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>> happy.
>> Take care,
>> Kirt
>>
>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net> wrote:
>> > Humberto,
>> > If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can do
>> > things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>> attracted
>> > to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what
>> > feels
>> > right.
>> > Ashley
>> >
>> >
>> > -----Original Message-----
>> > From: Humberto
>> > Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>> > To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> > Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> > Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>> >
>> > Hello dear listers,
>> >
>> > I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>> > on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>> > has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>> > good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>> > concerned.
>> > So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>> > with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>> > differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>> > Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>> > If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>> > with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>> > can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>> > blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>> > everything else that a sighted person can do.
>> > I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>> > much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>> > been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>> > touch.
>> > would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>> > sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>> > characteristic? Will she understand that?
>> > I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>> > want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>> > I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>> > blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>> > and having high expectations.
>> > But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>> > person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>> > versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>> > gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>> > experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>> > sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>> > but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>> > people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>> > look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>> > with one or not.
>> > Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>> >
>> > Cheers,  Humberto
>> >
>> > _______________________________________________
>> > nabs-l mailing list
>> > nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> > http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> > To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> > nabs-l:
>> >
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/bookwormahb%40earthlink.net
>> >
>> >
>> > _______________________________________________
>> > nabs-l mailing list
>> > nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> > http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> > To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> > nabs-l:
>> >
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/kirt.crazydude%40gmail.com
>> >
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> nabs-l mailing list
>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> nabs-l:
>>
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/blackbyrdfly%40gmail.com
>>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> nabs-l:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/jlester8462%40students.pccua.edu
>