[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 05:29:32 UTC 2011

I have never dated a blind person before, mainly because I don't really know any blind people well. It's not that i'm avoiding them at all, it's just that all my friends happen to be sighted and there are never any blind people wherever I go. I've had several relationships with sighted girls, some being more serious than others. Now I've been dating the same person for 4 years, and things are working just fine. When she met me she had never talked to a blind person before, but she always says that the fact that I was blind didn't particularly affect her at that time. I'm from Spain and she's Korean, which by itself has brought some issues which we have had to deal with. But blindness itself has never been a problem for me in this way.
I think it's a lot more likely that you will date someone with whom you have things in common, and that's why I can see how many blind people date other blind people. In my case, both my girlfriend and I are performers and we have both been through many similar things...competitions, unprepared concerts, bad recitals, and everything else. WE have many things in common and, especially at the beginning, that played a very important role in our relationship. Then we started knowing each other better and those things are obviously not the only things we talk about.
I don't think that one is better than the other. Just date whoever you like, and you'll see how it goes!!

IC
On May 26, 2011, at 12:58 AM, Joshua Lester wrote:

> That's exactly the problem!
> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
> trained at LWSB.
> It's crazy!
> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
> I like to travel to churches.
> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a blind one.
> Remember, I'm totally blind.
> Blessings, Joshua
> 
> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is totally
>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you from my
>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had a very
>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh in much
>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that people
>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd known
>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate that they
>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not their fault,
>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and teacher
>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's another topic
>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we had talked
>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my own
>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend time with
>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do, one way
>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was only a
>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he approached
>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5 years now,
>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have some degree
>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the one".
>> 
>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a completely
>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I might as
>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I really
>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to her. I
>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick me up or
>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere (which often
>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired from
>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was available, she
>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as well. She,
>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about it when I
>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It was just
>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do with my
>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is currently in a
>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly blindness was
>> not a turn-off to her.
>> 
>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a big
>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any significant
>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as such.
>> 
>> Best,
>> 
>> -Jamie
>> 
>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>> 
>>> Homberto,
>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand, after
>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than a
>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a lot,
>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off if
>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>>> think most blind people would, too.
>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and have
>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person you
>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have the
>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each other,
>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>>> shouldn't change anything.
>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term relationship,
>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because sighted
>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a blind
>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>>> happy.
>>> Take care,
>>> Kirt
>>> 
>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net> wrote:
>>>> Humberto,
>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can do
>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>>> attracted
>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what
>>>> feels
>>>> right.
>>>> Ashley
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: Humberto
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>> 
>>>> Hello dear listers,
>>>> 
>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>>>> concerned.
>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>>>> touch.
>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>>>> and having high expectations.
>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>>>> with one or not.
>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>>>> 
>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>>>> 
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