[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 15:13:23 UTC 2011

So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?

Mike Freeman
sent from my iPhone

On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:

> That's exactly the problem!
> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
> trained at LWSB.
> It's crazy!
> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
> I like to travel to churches.
> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a blind one.
> Remember, I'm totally blind.
> Blessings, Joshua
> 
> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is totally
>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you from my
>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had a very
>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh in much
>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that people
>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd known
>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate that they
>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not their fault,
>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and teacher
>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's another topic
>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we had talked
>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my own
>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend time with
>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do, one way
>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was only a
>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he approached
>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5 years now,
>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have some degree
>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the one".
>> 
>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a completely
>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I might as
>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I really
>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to her. I
>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick me up or
>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere (which often
>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired from
>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was available, she
>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as well. She,
>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about it when I
>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It was just
>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do with my
>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is currently in a
>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly blindness was
>> not a turn-off to her.
>> 
>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a big
>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any significant
>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as such.
>> 
>> Best,
>> 
>> -Jamie
>> 
>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>> 
>>> Homberto,
>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand, after
>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than a
>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a lot,
>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off if
>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>>> think most blind people would, too.
>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and have
>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person you
>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have the
>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each other,
>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>>> shouldn't change anything.
>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term relationship,
>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because sighted
>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a blind
>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>>> happy.
>>> Take care,
>>> Kirt
>>> 
>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net> wrote:
>>>> Humberto,
>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can do
>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>>> attracted
>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what
>>>> feels
>>>> right.
>>>> Ashley
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: Humberto
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>> 
>>>> Hello dear listers,
>>>> 
>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>>>> concerned.
>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>>>> touch.
>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>>>> and having high expectations.
>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>>>> with one or not.
>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>>>> 
>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>>>> 
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