[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 17:33:17 UTC 2011

Josh,
  I have brown hair.  Should I only date brunettes?  I mean...we can
share life experiences about our hair color and how it's impacted us
on a deep personal level...wouldn't that be wonderful?
  Now of course blindness is a bigger deal than hair color, but I
think the same principal still applies.  And, for the record, I'm not
opposed to blind people dating other blind people and emotionally
supporting each other with their blindness-seems perfectly reasonable
to me.  But it's just a characteristic that can be made a very minimal
factor with the right training and attitude.  Just my thoughts.
  Warmly,
Kirt

On 5/26/11, Briley Pollard <brileyp at gmail.com> wrote:
> I have dated both sighted and blind people, and don't find too much
> difference honestly. Sure, my blind boyfriends have been able to easily
> relate to me on struggles with the general public, technology, etc...but in
> general, people are people, and any relationship is going to have its
> challenges.
>
> Josh, I'd challenge you to open yourself up to more possibilities.
> Transportation can sometimes be a challenge, but it can be worked out. I've
> found that always relying on a sighted partner to drive creates more strain
> on a relationship than two people working together to figure out solutions.
> Whoever you end up with should be your partner, and if they happen to be
> sighted and can contribute by driving sometimes, great. But you should also
> be comfortable figuring out your own travel solutions. Being dependent on
> anyone isn't wise. This may mean you would have to move to an area that is
> more accessible transpiration wise, and this may mean living farther from
> your family than you'd like. But, there are also other options like hiring a
> driver when you have a job, etc. You wouldn't want someone to rule out
> dating you because you are blind, so don't do that to someone else who could
> be wonderful for you.
>
> Best,
> Briley
> On May 26, 2011, at 11:38 AM, Joshua Lester wrote:
>
>> Yes.
>> I want my wife, to be able to drive me from place to place, so my
>> parents don't have to have that burden.
>> That's the point!
>> You win the million dollar prize!
>> Blessings, Joshua
>>
>> On 5/26/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> I'm not sure I understand how this would create a "double burden" on your
>>> family either. If she is an independent traveler, or independent in other
>>> ways as well, why should she create any burden? Why would this hinder
>>> your
>>> independence unless you're looking for a partner who could drive you
>>> around
>>> and such so your parents don't have to (and I don't think you are! I'm
>>> just
>>> saying, I don't understand your point.)
>>>
>>> On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:25 AM, Hope Paulos <hope.paulos at gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating a blind
>>>> person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a compitent
>>>> traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as well. To be
>>>> honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or blind.
>>>> It's
>>>> who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
>>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
>>>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" <
>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
>>>>>
>>>>> Mike Freeman
>>>>> sent from my iPhone
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester
>>>>> <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> That's exactly the problem!
>>>>>> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
>>>>>> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
>>>>>> trained at LWSB.
>>>>>> It's crazy!
>>>>>> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
>>>>>> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
>>>>>> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
>>>>>> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
>>>>>> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
>>>>>> I like to travel to churches.
>>>>>> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a
>>>>>> blind
>>>>>> one.
>>>>>> Remember, I'm totally blind.
>>>>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is
>>>>>>> totally
>>>>>>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you
>>>>>>> from
>>>>>>> my
>>>>>>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had a
>>>>>>> very
>>>>>>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh
>>>>>>> in
>>>>>>> much
>>>>>>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that
>>>>>>> people
>>>>>>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd
>>>>>>> known
>>>>>>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate
>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not their
>>>>>>> fault,
>>>>>>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and
>>>>>>> teacher
>>>>>>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's
>>>>>>> another
>>>>>>> topic
>>>>>>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we had
>>>>>>> talked
>>>>>>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my
>>>>>>> own
>>>>>>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend
>>>>>>> time
>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do,
>>>>>>> one
>>>>>>> way
>>>>>>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was
>>>>>>> only
>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he
>>>>>>> approached
>>>>>>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5
>>>>>>> years
>>>>>>> now,
>>>>>>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have some
>>>>>>> degree
>>>>>>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the
>>>>>>> one".
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a
>>>>>>> completely
>>>>>>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I
>>>>>>> might
>>>>>>> as
>>>>>>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I
>>>>>>> really
>>>>>>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to
>>>>>>> her.
>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick
>>>>>>> me
>>>>>>> up or
>>>>>>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere
>>>>>>> (which
>>>>>>> often
>>>>>>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired
>>>>>>> from
>>>>>>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was available,
>>>>>>> she
>>>>>>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as well.
>>>>>>> She,
>>>>>>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about it
>>>>>>> when I
>>>>>>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It was
>>>>>>> just
>>>>>>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do
>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>> my
>>>>>>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is
>>>>>>> currently
>>>>>>> in a
>>>>>>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly
>>>>>>> blindness
>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>> not a turn-off to her.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a
>>>>>>> big
>>>>>>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any
>>>>>>> significant
>>>>>>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as
>>>>>>> such.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Best,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> -Jamie
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>>>>>>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Homberto,
>>>>>>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>>>>>>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand,
>>>>>>>> after
>>>>>>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>>>>>>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>>>>>>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>>>>>>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than a
>>>>>>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>>>>>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>>>>>>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a
>>>>>>>> lot,
>>>>>>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off if
>>>>>>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>>>>>>>> think most blind people would, too.
>>>>>>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>>>>>>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
>>>>>>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and have
>>>>>>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person you
>>>>>>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have
>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
>>>>>>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each
>>>>>>>> other,
>>>>>>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>>>>>>>> shouldn't change anything.
>>>>>>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
>>>>>>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term
>>>>>>>> relationship,
>>>>>>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because sighted
>>>>>>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>>>>>>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a blind
>>>>>>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>>>>>>>> happy.
>>>>>>>> Take care,
>>>>>>>> Kirt
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Humberto,
>>>>>>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can
>>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> attracted
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what
>>>>>>>>> feels
>>>>>>>>> right.
>>>>>>>>> Ashley
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>>>> From: Humberto
>>>>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>>>>>>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Hello dear listers,
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>>>>>>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>>>>>>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>>>>>>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>>>>>>>>> concerned.
>>>>>>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>>>>>>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>>>>>>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>>>>>>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>>>>>>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>>>>>>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>>>>>>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>>>>>>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>>>>>>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>>>>>>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>>>>>>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>>>>>>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>>>>>>>>> touch.
>>>>>>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>>>>>>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>>>>>>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>>>>>>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>>>>>>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>>>>>>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>>>>>>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>>>>>>>>> and having high expectations.
>>>>>>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>>>>>>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>>>>>>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>>>>>>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>>>>>>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>>>>>>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>>>>>>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>>>>>>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>>>>>>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>>>>>>>>> with one or not.
>>>>>>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
>>>>>>>>> for
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/bookwormahb%40earthlink.net
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
>>>>>>>>> for
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/kirt.crazydude%40gmail.com
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
>>>>>>>> for
>>>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/blackbyrdfly%40gmail.com
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/jlester8462%40students.pccua.edu
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/k7uij%40panix.com
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>
>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/hope.paulos%40gmail.com
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>
>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/blackbyrdfly%40gmail.com
>>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> nabs-l:
>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/jlester8462%40students.pccua.edu
>>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> nabs-l mailing list
>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> nabs-l:
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/brileyp%40gmail.com
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> nabs-l:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/kirt.crazydude%40gmail.com
>