[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 17:35:38 UTC 2011

And another thing...should I only date people without brown hair
because brown hair causes me all sorts of inconveniences and so forth?
 Of course not, because it doesn't.  I think with the right training
and attitude (not just NFB training), blindness can be just a little
bit more annoying than my brown hair.  And certainly it shouldn't be a
determining factor in who I date any more than my hair color is.
  Just my thoughts,
Kirt

On 5/26/11, Kirt Manwaring <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com> wrote:
> Josh,
>   I have brown hair.  Should I only date brunettes?  I mean...we can
> share life experiences about our hair color and how it's impacted us
> on a deep personal level...wouldn't that be wonderful?
>   Now of course blindness is a bigger deal than hair color, but I
> think the same principal still applies.  And, for the record, I'm not
> opposed to blind people dating other blind people and emotionally
> supporting each other with their blindness-seems perfectly reasonable
> to me.  But it's just a characteristic that can be made a very minimal
> factor with the right training and attitude.  Just my thoughts.
>   Warmly,
> Kirt
>
> On 5/26/11, Briley Pollard <brileyp at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I have dated both sighted and blind people, and don't find too much
>> difference honestly. Sure, my blind boyfriends have been able to easily
>> relate to me on struggles with the general public, technology, etc...but
>> in
>> general, people are people, and any relationship is going to have its
>> challenges.
>>
>> Josh, I'd challenge you to open yourself up to more possibilities.
>> Transportation can sometimes be a challenge, but it can be worked out.
>> I've
>> found that always relying on a sighted partner to drive creates more
>> strain
>> on a relationship than two people working together to figure out
>> solutions.
>> Whoever you end up with should be your partner, and if they happen to be
>> sighted and can contribute by driving sometimes, great. But you should
>> also
>> be comfortable figuring out your own travel solutions. Being dependent on
>> anyone isn't wise. This may mean you would have to move to an area that
>> is
>> more accessible transpiration wise, and this may mean living farther from
>> your family than you'd like. But, there are also other options like hiring
>> a
>> driver when you have a job, etc. You wouldn't want someone to rule out
>> dating you because you are blind, so don't do that to someone else who
>> could
>> be wonderful for you.
>>
>> Best,
>> Briley
>> On May 26, 2011, at 11:38 AM, Joshua Lester wrote:
>>
>>> Yes.
>>> I want my wife, to be able to drive me from place to place, so my
>>> parents don't have to have that burden.
>>> That's the point!
>>> You win the million dollar prize!
>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>
>>> On 5/26/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> I'm not sure I understand how this would create a "double burden" on
>>>> your
>>>> family either. If she is an independent traveler, or independent in
>>>> other
>>>> ways as well, why should she create any burden? Why would this hinder
>>>> your
>>>> independence unless you're looking for a partner who could drive you
>>>> around
>>>> and such so your parents don't have to (and I don't think you are! I'm
>>>> just
>>>> saying, I don't understand your point.)
>>>>
>>>> On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:25 AM, Hope Paulos <hope.paulos at gmail.com>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating a
>>>>> blind
>>>>> person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a compitent
>>>>> traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as well. To
>>>>> be
>>>>> honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or blind.
>>>>> It's
>>>>> who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
>>>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
>>>>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" <
>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Mike Freeman
>>>>>> sent from my iPhone
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester
>>>>>> <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu>
>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> That's exactly the problem!
>>>>>>> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
>>>>>>> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I
>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>> trained at LWSB.
>>>>>>> It's crazy!
>>>>>>> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
>>>>>>> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
>>>>>>> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
>>>>>>> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
>>>>>>> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
>>>>>>> I like to travel to churches.
>>>>>>> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a
>>>>>>> blind
>>>>>>> one.
>>>>>>> Remember, I'm totally blind.
>>>>>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is
>>>>>>>> totally
>>>>>>>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you
>>>>>>>> from
>>>>>>>> my
>>>>>>>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had
>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>> very
>>>>>>>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't
>>>>>>>> weigh
>>>>>>>> in
>>>>>>>> much
>>>>>>>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that
>>>>>>>> people
>>>>>>>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd
>>>>>>>> known
>>>>>>>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate
>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not
>>>>>>>> their
>>>>>>>> fault,
>>>>>>>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and
>>>>>>>> teacher
>>>>>>>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's
>>>>>>>> another
>>>>>>>> topic
>>>>>>>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we
>>>>>>>> had
>>>>>>>> talked
>>>>>>>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my
>>>>>>>> own
>>>>>>>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend
>>>>>>>> time
>>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could
>>>>>>>> do,
>>>>>>>> one
>>>>>>>> way
>>>>>>>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was
>>>>>>>> only
>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he
>>>>>>>> approached
>>>>>>>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5
>>>>>>>> years
>>>>>>>> now,
>>>>>>>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have
>>>>>>>> some
>>>>>>>> degree
>>>>>>>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found
>>>>>>>> "the
>>>>>>>> one".
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a
>>>>>>>> completely
>>>>>>>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I
>>>>>>>> might
>>>>>>>> as
>>>>>>>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I
>>>>>>>> really
>>>>>>>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to
>>>>>>>> her.
>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick
>>>>>>>> me
>>>>>>>> up or
>>>>>>>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere
>>>>>>>> (which
>>>>>>>> often
>>>>>>>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired
>>>>>>>> from
>>>>>>>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was
>>>>>>>> available,
>>>>>>>> she
>>>>>>>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as
>>>>>>>> well.
>>>>>>>> She,
>>>>>>>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about
>>>>>>>> it
>>>>>>>> when I
>>>>>>>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It
>>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>> just
>>>>>>>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do
>>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>>> my
>>>>>>>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is
>>>>>>>> currently
>>>>>>>> in a
>>>>>>>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly
>>>>>>>> blindness
>>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>> not a turn-off to her.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be
>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>> big
>>>>>>>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any
>>>>>>>> significant
>>>>>>>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us
>>>>>>>> as
>>>>>>>> such.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Best,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> -Jamie
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>>>>>>>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Homberto,
>>>>>>>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>>>>>>>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand,
>>>>>>>>> after
>>>>>>>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>>>>>>>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>>>>>>>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>>>>>>>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than
>>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>>>>>>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>>>>>>>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a
>>>>>>>>> lot,
>>>>>>>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off
>>>>>>>>> if
>>>>>>>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>>>>>>>>> think most blind people would, too.
>>>>>>>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>>>>>>>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing
>>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and
>>>>>>>>> have
>>>>>>>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person
>>>>>>>>> you
>>>>>>>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have
>>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the
>>>>>>>>> person
>>>>>>>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each
>>>>>>>>> other,
>>>>>>>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>>>>>>>>> shouldn't change anything.
>>>>>>>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my
>>>>>>>>> friends
>>>>>>>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term
>>>>>>>>> relationship,
>>>>>>>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because
>>>>>>>>> sighted
>>>>>>>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>>>>>>>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a
>>>>>>>>> blind
>>>>>>>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>>>>>>>>> happy.
>>>>>>>>> Take care,
>>>>>>>>> Kirt
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> Humberto,
>>>>>>>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you
>>>>>>>>>> can
>>>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> attracted
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with
>>>>>>>>>> what
>>>>>>>>>> feels
>>>>>>>>>> right.
>>>>>>>>>> Ashley
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>>>>> From: Humberto
>>>>>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>>>>>>>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> Hello dear listers,
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>>>>>>>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>>>>>>>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>>>>>>>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>>>>>>>>>> concerned.
>>>>>>>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>>>>>>>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>>>>>>>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>>>>>>>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>>>>>>>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>>>>>>>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>>>>>>>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>>>>>>>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>>>>>>>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>>>>>>>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>>>>>>>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>>>>>>>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>>>>>>>>>> touch.
>>>>>>>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>>>>>>>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>>>>>>>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>>>>>>>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>>>>>>>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>>>>>>>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>>>>>>>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>>>>>>>>>> and having high expectations.
>>>>>>>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>>>>>>>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>>>>>>>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>>>>>>>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>>>>>>>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>>>>>>>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>>>>>>>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>>>>>>>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>>>>>>>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>>>>>>>>>> with one or not.
>>>>>>>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/bookwormahb%40earthlink.net
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
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>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
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>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
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