[nabs-l] dating sighted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 18:33:23 UTC 2011

Hello everyone.

I want to share my experience.
I'm totally blind and I have had boht, partially blind and sighted
boyfriends. My current boyfriend is sighted, and we have learned many
things from one another. Moreover, I don't see him as a person to
depend on, but rather as someone who complements my life with his
perception of the world.
We have had much fun together. In fact, we made a short film this
year, in which the actors are all blind or partially blind.

Best,

Adriana P.

2011/5/26, Alexander <aaatlantic at aol.com>:
> Hello all, my name is Alex Atlantic and I am very independent person.
> I myself dated both sided and blind people.  I really don't see the
> different between them.  On the other hand I am musician and I have one of
> the highest paying jobs.  It depends on the person.  I know few blind people
> they chose to go out with sided people because he or she can drive and I
> don't think that is rite.  Me personally I look at their personality I
> really don't care if they drive or not that don't matter to me because I
> have enough independents to take a bus, cab, or other way.
>
> Thanks
> Alex Atlantic
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Hope Paulos
> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:26 AM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>
> First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating a blind
> person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a compitent
> traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as well. To be
> honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or blind. It's
> who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>
>
>> So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
>>
>> Mike Freeman
>> sent from my iPhone
>>
>>
>> On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> That's exactly the problem!
>>> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
>>> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
>>> trained at LWSB.
>>> It's crazy!
>>> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
>>> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
>>> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
>>> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
>>> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
>>> I like to travel to churches.
>>> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a blind
>
>>> one.
>>> Remember, I'm totally blind.
>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>
>>> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is totally
>>>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you from
>>>> my
>>>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had a
>>>> very
>>>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh in
>>>> much
>>>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that
>>>> people
>>>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd
>>>> known
>>>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate that
>>>> they
>>>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not their
>>>> fault,
>>>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and
>>>> teacher
>>>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's another
>>>> topic
>>>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we had
>>>> talked
>>>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my own
>>>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend time
>>>> with
>>>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do, one
>
>>>> way
>>>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was only a
>>>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he
>>>> approached
>>>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5 years
>>>> now,
>>>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have some
>>>> degree
>>>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the
>>>> one".
>>>>
>>>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a
>>>> completely
>>>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I might
>>>> as
>>>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I
>>>> really
>>>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to her. I
>>>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick me
>>>> up or
>>>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere (which
>>>> often
>>>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired from
>>>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was available,
>>>> she
>>>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as well.
>>>> She,
>>>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about it
>>>> when I
>>>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It was
>>>> just
>>>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do with
>
>>>> my
>>>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is currently
>>>> in a
>>>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly blindness
>>>> was
>>>> not a turn-off to her.
>>>>
>>>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a big
>>>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any
>>>> significant
>>>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as
>>>> such.
>>>>
>>>> Best,
>>>>
>>>> -Jamie
>>>>
>>>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>>>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> Homberto,
>>>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>>>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand, after
>>>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>>>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>>>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>>>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than a
>>>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>>>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a lot,
>>>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off if
>>>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>>>>> think most blind people would, too.
>>>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>>>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
>>>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and have
>>>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person you
>>>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have the
>>>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
>>>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each other,
>>>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>>>>> shouldn't change anything.
>>>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
>>>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term relationship,
>>>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because sighted
>>>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>>>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a blind
>>>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>>>>> happy.
>>>>> Take care,
>>>>> Kirt
>>>>>
>>>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>> Humberto,
>>>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can do
>>>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>>>>> attracted
>>>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what
>>>>>> feels
>>>>>> right.
>>>>>> Ashley
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>> From: Humberto
>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>>>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hello dear listers,
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>>>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>>>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>>>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>>>>>> concerned.
>>>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>>>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>>>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>>>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>>>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>>>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>>>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>>>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>>>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>>>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>>>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>>>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>>>>>> touch.
>>>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>>>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>>>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>>>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>>>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>>>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>>>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>>>>>> and having high expectations.
>>>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>>>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>>>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>>>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>>>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>>>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>>>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>>>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>>>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>>>>>> with one or not.
>>>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>
>>>>>
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/bookwormahb%40earthl
> ink.net
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>
>>>>>
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/kirt.crazydude%40gma
> il.com
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>
>>>>>
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/blackbyrdfly%40gmail
> .com
>>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/jlester8462%40studen
> ts.pccua.edu
>>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> nabs-l:
>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/k7uij%40panix.com
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> nabs-l mailing list
>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> nabs-l:
>>
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/hope.paulos%40gmail.
> com
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> nabs-l:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/aaatlantic%40aol.com
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
> Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3660 - Release Date: 05/26/11
> 06:34:00
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> nabs-l:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/adrimpc80%40gmail.com
>

-- 
Adriana Pulido
Filóloga en Inglés y músico de la Universidad
Nacional de Colombia. Becaria Fulbright para Maestría.