[nabs-l] dating sighted people Vs. Blind people?

Kirt kirt.crazydude at gmail.com
Thu May 26 18:44:27 UTC 2011 

That's awesome, good on you.
Take care,
Kirt

Sent from my iPod

On May 26, 2011, at 12:33 PM, ADRIANA PULIDO <adrimpc80 at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hello everyone.
> 
> I want to share my experience.
> I'm totally blind and I have had boht, partially blind and sighted
> boyfriends. My current boyfriend is sighted, and we have learned many
> things from one another. Moreover, I don't see him as a person to
> depend on, but rather as someone who complements my life with his
> perception of the world.
> We have had much fun together. In fact, we made a short film this
> year, in which the actors are all blind or partially blind.
> 
> Best,
> 
> Adriana P.
> 
> 2011/5/26, Alexander <aaatlantic at aol.com>:
>> Hello all, my name is Alex Atlantic and I am very independent person.
>> I myself dated both sided and blind people.  I really don't see the
>> different between them.  On the other hand I am musician and I have one of
>> the highest paying jobs.  It depends on the person.  I know few blind people
>> they chose to go out with sided people because he or she can drive and I
>> don't think that is rite.  Me personally I look at their personality I
>> really don't care if they drive or not that don't matter to me because I
>> have enough independents to take a bus, cab, or other way.
>> 
>> Thanks
>> Alex Atlantic
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
>> Of Hope Paulos
>> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:26 AM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>> 
>> First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating a blind
>> person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a compitent
>> traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as well. To be
>> honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or blind. It's
>> who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>> 
>> 
>>> So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
>>> 
>>> Mike Freeman
>>> sent from my iPhone
>>> 
>>> 
>>> On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu>
>>> wrote:
>>> 
>>>> That's exactly the problem!
>>>> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
>>>> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
>>>> trained at LWSB.
>>>> It's crazy!
>>>> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
>>>> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
>>>> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
>>>> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
>>>> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
>>>> I like to travel to churches.
>>>> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a blind
>> 
>>>> one.
>>>> Remember, I'm totally blind.
>>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>> 
>>>> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is totally
>>>>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you from
>>>>> my
>>>>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had a
>>>>> very
>>>>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh in
>>>>> much
>>>>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that
>>>>> people
>>>>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd
>>>>> known
>>>>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate that
>>>>> they
>>>>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not their
>>>>> fault,
>>>>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and
>>>>> teacher
>>>>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's another
>>>>> topic
>>>>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we had
>>>>> talked
>>>>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my own
>>>>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend time
>>>>> with
>>>>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do, one
>> 
>>>>> way
>>>>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was only a
>>>>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he
>>>>> approached
>>>>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5 years
>>>>> now,
>>>>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have some
>>>>> degree
>>>>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the
>>>>> one".
>>>>> 
>>>>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a
>>>>> completely
>>>>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I might
>>>>> as
>>>>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I
>>>>> really
>>>>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to her. I
>>>>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick me
>>>>> up or
>>>>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere (which
>>>>> often
>>>>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired from
>>>>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was available,
>>>>> she
>>>>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as well.
>>>>> She,
>>>>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about it
>>>>> when I
>>>>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It was
>>>>> just
>>>>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do with
>> 
>>>>> my
>>>>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is currently
>>>>> in a
>>>>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly blindness
>>>>> was
>>>>> not a turn-off to her.
>>>>> 
>>>>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a big
>>>>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any
>>>>> significant
>>>>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as
>>>>> such.
>>>>> 
>>>>> Best,
>>>>> 
>>>>> -Jamie
>>>>> 
>>>>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>>>>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>>>>> 
>>>>>> Homberto,
>>>>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>>>>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand, after
>>>>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>>>>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>>>>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>>>>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than a
>>>>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>>>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>>>>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a lot,
>>>>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off if
>>>>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>>>>>> think most blind people would, too.
>>>>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>>>>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
>>>>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and have
>>>>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person you
>>>>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have the
>>>>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
>>>>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each other,
>>>>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>>>>>> shouldn't change anything.
>>>>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
>>>>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term relationship,
>>>>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because sighted
>>>>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>>>>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a blind
>>>>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>>>>>> happy.
>>>>>> Take care,
>>>>>> Kirt
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>> Humberto,
>>>>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can do
>>>>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>>>>>> attracted
>>>>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what
>>>>>>> feels
>>>>>>> right.
>>>>>>> Ashley
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>> From: Humberto
>>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>>>>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> Hello dear listers,
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>>>>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>>>>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>>>>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>>>>>>> concerned.
>>>>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>>>>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>>>>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>>>>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>>>>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>>>>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>>>>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>>>>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>>>>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>>>>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>>>>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>>>>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>>>>>>> touch.
>>>>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>>>>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>>>>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>>>>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>>>>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>>>>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>>>>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>>>>>>> and having high expectations.
>>>>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>>>>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>>>>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>>>>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>>>>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>>>>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>>>>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>>>>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>>>>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>>>>>>> with one or not.
>>>>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>> 
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/bookwormahb%40earthl
>> ink.net
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> 
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>>>>>>> 
>>>>>> 
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>>>>> 
>>>> 
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> 
> 
> -- 
> Adriana Pulido
> Filóloga en Inglés y músico de la Universidad
> Nacional de Colombia. Becaria Fulbright para Maestría.
> 
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