[nabs-l] Grabbing etc.

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

We are not obligated to take assistance just because others think we
require it. Even when being diplomatic and kind in return, we're not
obligated to do this. If we feel awkward or uncomfortable about being
offered, or in many cases forced, sighted assistance, we don't need to
take it or feel bad about declining it. Despite what we are often told,
and how society views us, we are capable and can think for ourselves. If
we want assistance of any kind, we know when and how to use it, and it
is up to us to ask, and decline, for assistance.  We don't have to hurt
feelings or be aggressive about it, but no one is obligated to accept
assistance if it's not wanted.

I had a dentist who, though nice enough, always insisted he or a staff
member guided me around his office. His office was extremely tiny so
even if I wanted help, it didn't make much sense in such a small
environment. I always had to assert myself in stating thanks, but no
thanks. The final straw was when he insisted on walking me out to the
waiting area and when I removed my hand from his arm, he grabbed it and
tucked it underneath his arm. I again removed my hand, and he again
grabbed it. I gently explained that when I decline assistance, it is my
decision and no one should force anything on me. Especially as a woman,
I'm not comfortable with men refusing to accept the fact that I don't
need assistance. It's not a feminist thing so much as a I'm not
comfortable with men I barely know asserting anything over me when I
haven't asked for it or declined it. I have since switched dentists.

So no one should feel obligated to accept assistance unless it's what
you want. We are the ones who make decisions for ourselves; we control
our own lives; no one has the right to expect, and force, anything on us
even if done out of kindness. Don't be mean or rude, but don't feel as
though you have to "submit" to a person's insistance that you take
assistance.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 16
Date: Tue, 08 Nov 2011 18:17:45 -0800
From: vejas <brlsurfer at gmail.com>
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
	list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Grabbing etc.
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So I guess we don't need to be nice about grabbing? I'm a 
freshman in high school, and one time a senior started grabbing 
my elbow.  I told him politely that I could do it myself, but he 
didn't listen, so finally I said he could "go to class now." My 
aide thought I was being rude, but I felt as if I was adovacting 
for myself.  What are your thoughts on this?
Vejas