[nabs-l] Getting Feedback from Sighted People

[Jedi]

Arielle,

You won't get much argumet from me. I think you're right to point out 
that sighted people often attempt to get away with stuff as well and 
don't often receive much specific criticism for it. Having received the 
kind of blunt feedback you're mentioning (much of it was honestly not 
necessary and didn't have anything to do with mannerisms, but social 
skills generally), I can honestly say that one can develop a strong 
sense of inadequacy; I still face it today. I was told that, because 
I'm blind, I can't see others' faces and so have no social skills. 
Anything I ever did was attributed in this way, even those dumb things 
we all do as kids or teenagers. After hearing if from parents and 
teachers for about six years or more, I started to doubt myself and 
feel pretty bad about myself. The funny thing is that my critics had 
very poor social skills themselves (looking back). As a direct result, 
I still tend to take criticism far too personally; I automatically 
assume that if something's wrong socially speaking, it must have been 
my fault. If anyone ever asks for a word in private with me (even if 
I'm about to be privately praised for something), my heartrate and 
stress level sky rockets. Well, it's not as bad now as it used to be, 
but I can still feel it. Perhaps that's why I'm a big advocate of 
acceptance first as a starting point for growth in the area of social 
development.

Respectfully,
Jedi

Original message:
> Hi Tara,
> A few comments:
> -- I agree with you, overall, that information is good, and we can
> decide what we want to do with it. It is also true that some
> congenitally blind people genuinely do not understand the nuances of
> sight and what others can or cannot see. After all, if we lived on an
> alien planet where everyone else could mind-read or predict the future
> except us, we would have no idea how those powers worked without it
> being explained to us. In many ways I think being born blind is very
> similar to this kind of alien situation. But anyway, while I think
> these kinds of knowledge gaps should be corrected, I also still think
> that sometimes when blind people "misbehave" as it were, it's not out
> of ignorance or naivete but for other reasons like laziness or simply
> not caring about being seen. There are plenty of sighted people who
> don't clean up after their pet dogs, for example, so what's to stop a
> blind person who is so inclined from walking away thinking they won't
> get in trouble, or quickly picking a wedgie hoping not to get caught?
> In other words, our undesirable acts aren't always due to blindness.
> -- While I think a rehab class like what you mentioned is a good idea
> in theory, I doubt that most human beings would have the emotional
> stamina to accept that kind of blunt feedback without getting
> seriously depressed or defensive. I would especially worry about
> encouraging parents to do this with their blind kids. Of course they
> should provide information and feedback, but there's a fine balance
> between giving helpful suggestions for improvement and making the
> child feel inadequate, particularly if the child knows that other
> children aren't getting the same kinds of feedback. Thoughts?
> Arielle

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