[nabs-l] socializing tips in crowds and meetings

Fri Oct 14 02:30:35 UTC 2011

Sam,
That's so common for people to mingle from group to group. I have trouble 
with this setup, where you join a conversation in progress.
So I'm not the only one then! Maybe I'll call my last TVI for advice. She 
gave me some social tips and described body language to me; we keep in 
touch.
So far, I just go to the group and observe. If they speak to me, great, I 
join in but otherwise just listen. That's not really a solution though. I 
cannot see their expressions though and do not know when to say something or 
if they're even interested in talking.
Ashley

-----Original Message----- 
From: Sam Hogle
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2011 10:21 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] socializing tips in crowds and meetings

Hello Greg. I too have had issues with just joining a conversation
already in progress. I've noticed that you can do this depending on the
person. Some don't care, while others tend to like their privacy.
However, for me it's tricky to figure this out since being unable to see
facial expressions is an issue. So, I've allways just tried to play it
safe and stay out of these discussions unless it's something I think
might catch the interest of others.
Sam
On 10/13/2011 10:12 PM, Greg Aikens wrote:
> Humberto,
> Don't be embarrassed if your eyes aren't looking directly into the other 
> person's eyes.  It's actually more normal for people to look near the eyes 
> than directly into them.  People generally make brief eye contact, lasting 
> at most 3 to 5 seconds before looking somewhere else like the forehead or 
> mouth etc.  Extended eye contact is usually reserved for confrontation or 
> intimacy.  Just directing your gaze to slightly above where you hear 
> someone speaking is good enough.
>
> As far as tips for social situations, I think the most important, but also 
> most difficult, thing is to be confident.  Navigating in busy social 
> situations where you don't know anyone can be really difficult.  People 
> may be hesitant to interact with a blind person because they have never 
> had to do so and they imagine it might be different, and so they are 
> awkward.  If we compound the awkwardness by acting uncomfortable or 
> nervous, we only make the problem worse.  I have found  that when I am 
> confident and not awkward about the fact that I can't see them, people 
> quickly take a clue and relax.
>
> For example, if you find a seat and you want to know who is around you, 
> its perfectly ok to turn and ask, "is anyone sitting to my left?"  It 
> obviously helps if you can hear people moving around to one side or 
> another, so do your best, but sometimes you just have to go for it.  If no 
> one is there, it might be a little embarrassing, but probably not since 
> most likely  no one heard you ask in the first place.
>
> If you know someone is close by, Ashley's suggestion of turning and saying 
> "Hi, I'm Greg" is a good one.  If there is a chance it is someone you have 
> already met you can say, "Hi, I'm Greg.  Have we met?"  Many times just 
> introducing myself has been enough to overcome any awkwardness toward 
> blindness and start a conversation like they might with any other 
> stranger.
>
> Things like joining a conversation already in progress still stump me.  I 
> usually don't do this well and end up feeling like I'm just listening in 
> on someone else's conversation.  If anyone has any tips for that I would 
> be interested.
>
> Hope these are helpful.
>
> Greg
> On Oct 13, 2011, at 8:14 PM, Humberto Avila wrote:
>
>> Hello, but how can I make eye contact with someone if I am blind. I can
>> understand looking in the face, but not looking in the eyes since I might
>> beam my eyes "crooked" or "slightly crooked" at someone as I look into 
>> their
>> eyes, and I think  this is also embarracing.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
>> Behalf
>> Of Ashley Bramlett
>> Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2011 5:10 PM
>> To: shogle at students.kennesaw.edu; National Association of Blind Students
>> mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] socializing tips in crowds and meetings
>>
>> Sam,
>> One thing that helps me is to act interested. I see too many blind people
>> who have their head down, rock their head, or look down.
>> This shows a disinterested image; it's a body language thing and people
>> won't approach you easily with a hunched over person "staring" at the 
>> floor.
>> You need to sit up straight and have your head forward. I have central
>> vision so its more natural. But even ify your fully blind, having your 
>> head
>> up and making eye contact is a good habit.
>>
>> I often have people approach me and introduce themselves so far. But I 
>> don't
>>
>> meet as many people then. If I'm lucky, the individual will take me 
>> around
>> and introduce me to some of their friends. I wonder if nonverbal
>> communication would help. Anyone learned gestures? Has that made a
>> difference?
>> Ashley
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Sam Hogle
>> Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2011 7:54 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] socializing tips in crowds and meetings
>>
>> Hi Ashley. I completely agree with what you're saying here. I'm a dog
>> user, and because of that, I feel that this topic is even more
>> important. For example, it never fails that a friendly dog will guide
>> you in to a room and find you a chair, but not make sure it's an empty
>> one. lol
>> Also, I agree with the whole issue of trying to break the ice with
>> people. For the record, it's just a little aukward
>> when you're talking to someone without realizing they've walked away. I
>> guess that's just something I've gotten used too. However, I agree it's
>> good to have tips. After all, if you're at a social event where you're
>> supposed to break off in to groups, it would be just a little
>> embarrassing to turn to see if you can join a group only to discover
>> you're talking to a wall and not a person. Anyway, I guess what I'm
>> trying to say here is I am also in the club that could benefit from any
>> tips, and I'm sure there are many more of us.
>> Sam
>> On 10/13/2011 7:40 PM, Ashley Bramlett wrote:
>>> Hi all,
>>>
>>> I've not been the best at finding people and integrating into a crowd or
>>> going to a structured event and feeling comfortable. Once I know people,
>> I'm
>>> okay. But breaking the ice is hard. I'm a cane user and I'll find a spot
>>> to sit but may not know who is around.
>>>
>>> What are tips for getting to know people and finding who is there? I
>>> cannot see familiar faces. If its totally new, I don't recognize voices.
>>> Do you just say something to a nearby person "hi, how are you? I am 
>>> {your
>>> name} and its good to be here."
>>> How do you deal with slides you cannot see? Do you contact them ahead of
>>> time for an alternative format?
>>>
>>> When I say structured activity, I mean something where people sit down 
>>> in
>>> a room to hear a speaker, have small group discussions, or see an event.
>>> Some examples:
>>> 1. any club activity on campus
>>> 2. a religious activity such as bible study
>>> 3. a meeting in the community of similar interest people such as a 
>>> writing
>>> club or toastmasters group.
>>> 4. a conference
>>>
>>> When you have a general crowd, its even harder to know what is happening
>>> or find people. Examples are at a game or pep rally or reception.
>>>
>>> I'm planning to join some groups soon such as a writer's club and 
>>> perhaps
>>> a bible study. I might join toastmasters because I like speaking and 
>>> want
>>> to polish my speaking skills. And I'm heading to homecoming too. So I 
>>> got
>>> to wondering tips and how others feel.
>>>
>>> Sometimes I don't feel included. People might say Ashley, I'll help you
>>> get some food and then proceed to describe it and serve me at the 
>>> counter.
>>> But then after I'm seated they wander off.
>>>
>>> Thanks.
>>> Ashley
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