[nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision

Fri Mar 23 04:21:00 UTC 2012

They do. Caniche dogs work very well as guide dogs I think, and you
shouldn't have any trouble with those...

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 22, 2012, at 10:35 PM, Joshua Lester
<jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:

> Also, with the guide dog, you never know, if the person you're dating
> has an allergy to dogs.
> That's why I avoid them, because of my allergies.
> I don't know, if they train dogs, that are nonallergenic.
> Nicole, do you know if they do?
> Thanks, Joshua
>
> On 3/22/12, Nicole B. Torcolini at Home <ntorcolini at wavecable.com> wrote:
>> I'm not saying that this is a reason to get one, and I know that they are
>> not for everyone, and, if you tell the training center that you want one for
>> this reason, they're probably not going to accept you, but guide dogs can
>> sometimes be a way to break the ice in awkward situations. However, there is
>> of course a flip side to that. Some people who have guide dogs don't like it
>> when people talk to them because of their dogs. .
>>
>> Nicole
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Mary Fernandez" <trillian551 at gmail.com>
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 6:42 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>
>>
>> Hello All,
>> This is a really fantastic topic for a number of reasons. First,
>> dating is hard as a blind person. But dating can also be hard for
>> someone who is overweight, someone who is well below average height,
>> someone who has trouble hearing, etc. In short, dating can be hard for
>> anyone who isn't simply average, someone who doesn't fall squarely in
>> the fattest part of the bell curve when we look at populations. Even
>> geniuses have trouble dating, I'm friends with some, and it's a true
>> story.
>> I was having a conversation about dating with a very good friend of
>> mine a few days ago. And one of the things we both agreed upon, is
>> that one of the challenges of dating in the typical ways that most
>> people do, is that most sighted people see you as an asexual being,
>> who needs help, and who cannot be viewed as datable. Which, like
>> Arielle said,  makes it hard for blind people to go to bars and other
>> hang out places where singles gather and just pick up someone and go
>> on a date. We have to carry a heavier burden by making ourselves even
>> more accessible than most people, and this might play havoc with our
>> self-esteem.  The courting sequence usually goes something like this:
>> Man and woman sit at bar. Man and woman makes eye-contact.
>> If man and woman give each other physical cue, man will usually,
>> though not always, make a comment which will spark off conversation.
>> If woman is interested, about 2 minutes into the conversation she will
>> angle herself toward the man. If conversation continues to be
>> stimulating, and man and woman are getting a deeper connection, casual
>> touching might begin, and a second date might be requested.
>> Now, lets look at this from a blind perspective. Man or woman walk
>> into bar, after using cane successfully, fending off unwanted requests
>> to be helped, man or woman find barstool. After being observed to
>> enter by most of the bar, observers' mis-conceptions about blindness
>> will have been activated. And our shot of having this normal courting
>> sequence is nipped at the bud. Of course, a person who wasn't there
>> before hand might come in, look at your gorgeous skirt and be
>> instantly drawn in. Which is why, I like to arrive early at parties
>> and spark up a conversation with new comers. When they find out your
>> blind however, all bets are off.
>> This is not to say that blind individuals cannot and should not have a
>> dating experience. On the contrary, I have been fairly successful in
>> dating along with many other blind women and men I know. Like Arielle
>> and others mentioned, whether someone is sighted or blind should be
>> irrelevant in who you choose to spend your time with and consider as a
>> potential romantic partner. there are so many other things that come
>> into play. What's important to you? Values, humor, kindness,
>> intelligence, height, hair color, philosophical view, political
>> parties? Could you truly date a democrat with all those liberal ideas
>> they have? Or God forbid you find a blind conservative, but decide to
>> stay with them because it's more comfortable. Relationships are so
>> incredibly hard and take a lot of work .You learn a lot from each
>> other. But hopefully, most of the time you enjoy each other
>> thoroughly, know what your flaws are and continue to like the person
>> despite them, and have a stronger basis for that relationship than
>> mere visual acuity.
>> So, basically, yes, if online dating is something you want to
>> explore, than yes, do it! If the single chess club is something your
>> into, go for it! If a singles book club, (which is totally something
>> I'm looking into right now), sounds interesting, then by all means. Be
>> creative, don't limit yourself to national convention or the local
>> bar,, try speed dating! Trivia night! Just going to house parties. But
>> most of all, be comfortable with yourself, don't go looking for a
>> sighted date or a blind date for validation. Because that never ends
>> well. The truth of the matter is that even those of us who are
>> completely comfortable with their blindness, who lead, full happy and
>> fulfilled life, can be put down sometimes by being perceived by the
>> sighted world as somehow lacking, when we know we are not. But, you do
>> learn that you really are ok, and that dating is just one more thing
>> we have to do using alternative skills. I know, from the experience of
>> friends, that some sighted people like to date blind people, because
>> it makes them feel useful. It validates their self-worth, since they
>> have someone they can help all the time. And I know blind people who
>> think that dating someone who is sighted is somehow a superior
>> experience. I've done both, and speaking from a woman's perspective.
>> All men have issues. But you can find some truly golden ones among
>> them all.
>> A long post of mine can never be complete without my usual reference
>> to fashion and looking good. Dress to bring out the best features of
>> yourself. Even at my worse jeans, shirt and sneakers college chic,
>> when I wake up 10 minutes before class, I always wear color. Because I
>> have a nice skin tone, and color is my friend. Look nice, get some
>> delicious lotion or perfume, and go get em.
>> Sincerely,
>> Mary
>>
>> On 3/22/12, Doug Oliver <oliver.doug1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> I'm gonna way in on this topic.
>>> My fiancee is actually sited and I'm blind, she's been around blind people
>>> growing up, so she's very much accustomed to dating a blind person.
>>> We've met in person twice and it's been great.
>>> Take care,
>>> Doug
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Ashley" <cumbiambera2005 at gmail.com>
>>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 7:42 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>>
>>>
>>> Hello all,
>>> Like some of the people who have posted already, I have had my own
>>> experiences with dating, as well as simply meeting people online. As a
>>> matter of fact, my current boyfriend is someone I met online, and he
>>> is blind as well. We have been dating a little over a year now, and I
>>> have also had the chance to meet him in person. I can say that some of
>>> what we've been through, especially when we met, was both good and
>>> bad, and even though he is blind, it was a little more disastrous
>>> because of his family who are sighted. Well the first time we actually
>>> got to "see" each other was through a webcam, and both families were
>>> present, not only for discriptive purposes but also because of us
>>> being long distance, and it was the only way the two families could
>>> meet. About 6 months later I got to visit him in person, and that was
>>> a little weird because he lives in another country, and a part of
>>> another culture, and that in itself brings its own barriers. I
>>> actually stayed at his house with his family, and I imagine it was
>>> hard on them because they've never dealt with another blind person
>>> besides him, and he is not as independent as I am. I have also met
>>> sighted people online, but I did not meet them through dating sites. I
>>> met them through pages we both visit, (blogs, etc), and in my opinion,
>>> that's better because you're actually meeting people you have things
>>> in common with, regardless of whether you date or not, and like most
>>> people have said already, one of the main things to consider when
>>> dating someone, blind or sighted, is what kinds of things you share in
>>> common with the other person. I personally have never dated a sighted
>>> person, but I have made some interesting friends online who are
>>> sighted. Some know I'm blind, and some do not, but not because I
>>> haven't wanted to tell them. I don't meet these people in person
>>> mainly because most of them are not from the U.S. and therefore it
>>> really hasn't come up. Besides, I'm not as close to them, and we
>>> mainly talk about music, which is what i have in common with most of
>>> these people I meet anyway. I have also met blind friends online, and
>>> basically the same goes for them. So as most people have already said,
>>> I don't think it's that much different dating a sighted person from a
>>> blind person. A blind person might be a little more understanding
>>> considering they go through some of the same things. But on the other
>>> side, that may not always be the case, if the person isn't completely
>>> adjusted to their blindness, or they have been with their family their
>>> entire life, and don't really understand the independence issue such
>>> as in my case. So I think dating both blind and sighted people can
>>> have their ups and downs, and it's just a matter of knowing how to
>>> handle each situation as it comes. Good luck.
>>>
>>>
>>> On 3/22/12, Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Hi all,
>>>> I have a little experience with online dating, but not much. I was on
>>>> a dating site for a year or so and chatted with a few guys but didn't
>>>> find anyone I actually wanted to meet in person. I have a lot of
>>>> friends (sighted and blind) who do online dating and I've heard the
>>>> whole gamut, from happily-ever-after marriages to disastrous first
>>>> dates and a few people who walked away after my friend's blindness was
>>>> revealed online. It really doesn't hurt to try it. If you do find
>>>> someone you like and want to meet, it's best to meet them in a public
>>>> place. But there's nothing dangerous about just putting a profile up
>>>> and seeing what happens.
>>>> Some dating sites are free and others charge a fee for joining.
>>>> Interestingly, the site I used was free, and when I was visiting my
>>>> sister and her roommate they were checking out one of the paid sites.
>>>> I told them about the free site I was on and they looked at it and
>>>> said they thought the guys on the free site were a lot more attractive
>>>> and appealing than the guys on the paid one. So it's possible the
>>>> people you might meet on a free site are less "desperate" and hence
>>>> are better catches.
>>>> I'm sure there's a lot of debate about when to reveal blindness during
>>>> an online dating encounter. Some people put it in their profiles,
>>>> others wait until the first meeting and still others reveal it at some
>>>> point in the middle. I'd tend to treat it like a job interview and
>>>> reveal blindness after I've connected with someone online but before
>>>> we meet in person so they aren't totally shocked or freaked out when
>>>> they see me. Unfortunately rejections due to blindness can happen at
>>>> any point in the process. You'll have to decide whether you would
>>>> prefer to take that risk earlier on or to give them a chance to get to
>>>> know you before they learn about your blindness.
>>>> Regarding dating blind vs. sighted people: Like many of us I have done
>>>> both. I never consciously decided that I wanted to date a blind person
>>>> or a sighted person, and I would not recommend that line of thinking.
>>>> I simply dated guys with whom I felt a connection and who felt the
>>>> same way toward me, regardless of whether or not they were blind. I
>>>> will say that in some ways establishing the initial relationship was
>>>> easier with blind guys, because I didn't have to wonder about what
>>>> nonverbal signals they were sending or how they might interpret my
>>>> nonverbal signals. However, when I try to compare the relationship I
>>>> have had with my sighted boyfriend over the past three years with the
>>>> other relationships I have had with blind guys, I really can't think
>>>> of any major differences. I do think that regardless of blindness
>>>> status, it's important for you and your partner to share interests and
>>>> passions in common. NFB and blindness are passions that many of us
>>>> share, and they help bring many blind couples together. However, there
>>>> are other interests or passions you may share with sighted folks
>>>> around you, and finding a partner who shares one of those passions
>>>> with you can be similarly rewarding. In other words, instead of
>>>> deciding who to date based on whether they are sighted or blind, I
>>>> think it's more helpful to choose based on how much you share in
>>>> common with them. I know that for us blind folks it can be hard to
>>>> meet and connect with people at bars or large gatherings like singles'
>>>> parties. But if you can find communities of people that share your
>>>> interests-whether that be your local NFB chapter or student division,
>>>> classes, church groups or clubs you might be in-that's a much better
>>>> way to build lasting connections.
>>>> Arielle
>>>>
>>>> On 3/22/12, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> Oops, I missed a point: I wouldn't go to an NFB convention simply for
>>>>> the dating scene. I'm sure relationships do develop at things like
>>>>> that, however most people are going to be preoccupied with general
>>>>> sessions, exhibits, orientation around a huge massive hotel, etc etc
>>>>> to really pay attention to who's around them for dating.
>>>>>
>>>>> Later.
>>>>>
>>>>> On 22.03.2012, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>> Hello Robin,
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Or you could just go ahead and do the online dating thing and learn
>>>>>> from it. It has turned out well for some, and not so well for others.
>>>>>> As for the sighted vs. blind thing, I would ask what you want. Not
>>>>>> dating a blind person simply because you think you'll look cool and
>>>>>> more independent for dating a sighted person will limit your options,
>>>>>> just like not dating a sighted person because you're afraid of being
>>>>>> rejected is crazy as well. We're all individuals. Many blind people
>>>>>> have underlying disabilities, some may not be adjusted to their
>>>>>> blindness completely, etc etc but you wouldn't have to necessarily
>>>>>> feel self-conscious about the blindness issues, your appearance, etc
>>>>>> etc. Sighted people in my experience are going to ask many questions.
>>>>>> Especially at first, you'll probably have to do a whole lot more
>>>>>> educating than dating, and it might get annoying, but many are willing
>>>>>> to learn and it could work out. As for good dating sites ... why not
>>>>>> just getting onto the social networks like Facebook and put your
>>>>>> status as single? Maybe attend some of the singles conferences that
>>>>>> are out there? And if someone interests you, then go after them
>>>>>> (whether online or not).
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Anyway, talk to you later and peace. May you have much luck with your
>>>>>> dating search.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Nimer J
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On 22.03.2012, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>>>>>>> Also, it has been proven, that there are people on chat sites, that
>>>>>>> pretend to be something, to get your attention, and then when you meet
>>>>>>> them, they're a criminal.
>>>>>>> Be careful, and meet people one on one, and in person.
>>>>>>> Come to the NFB convention, and you might meet someone, and oh yes,
>>>>>>> there are sighted members in the NFB, as well!
>>>>>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On 3/22/12, Gloria G <gloria.graves at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Hi,
>>>>>>>> I have never gone on to any of the online dating sites, but I would
>>>>>>>> be
>>>>>>>> very
>>>>>>>> careful because a person online is not as friendly or charming as
>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>> appear to be over emails. I have dated very few blind people and find
>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>> there is always a focus on blindness in the relationship and I feel
>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>> a negative thing at times because we all live with blindness on a
>>>>>>>> daily
>>>>>>>> basis and want to know we are more than our blindness. I have found
>>>>>>>> there
>>>>>>>> are a lot of people open to dating a blind person expecially when
>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>> are
>>>>>>>> confident and out going. I have been in a relationship with a sited
>>>>>>>> person
>>>>>>>> for 3 years and things are wonderful.
>>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>> From: "Robin" <robinmel71 at earthlink.net>
>>>>>>>> To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 4:47 PM
>>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Hello to everyone,
>>>>>>>>> I am just wondering if anyone has had any experience with online
>>>>>>>>> dating
>>>>>>>>> and if so what sites would you recommend? What experiences have you
>>>>>>>>> had
>>>>>>>>> with dating sighted people vs dating blind people? I look forward to
>>>>>>>>> hearing your stories.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad.
>>>>>>>>> Perhaps
>>>>>>>>> there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a
>>>>>>>>> breeze
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> among flowers.
>>>>>>>>> Hellen Keller
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
>>>>>>>>> for
>>>>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/gloria.graves%40gmail.com
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/jlester8462%40students.pccua.edu
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/nimerjaber1%40gmail.com
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> --
>>>>>> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
>>>>>> addressed. If you believe that you are not the intended recipient,
>>>>>> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
>>>>>> correspondence. Action taken as a result of this email or its contents
>>>>>> by anyone other than the intended recipient may result in civil or
>>>>>> criminal action. I have checked this email and all corresponding
>>>>>> attachments for security threats. However, security of your machine is
>>>>>> up to you. Thanks.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Registered Linux User 529141.
>>>>>> http://counter.li.org/
>>>>>> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
>>>>>> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
>>>>>> please click here:
>>>>>> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>>>>>>
>>>>>> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
>>>>>> and above, please click here:
>>>>>> http://www.nvda-project.org
>>>>>>
>>>>>> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
>>>>>> http://nimertech.blogspot.com
>>>>>>
>>>>>> To contact me, you can reply to this email or you may call me at (720)
>>>>>> (251-4530) and I will do my best to respond to you promptly.
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>>>>>
>>>>> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
>>>>> addressed. If you believe that you are not the intended recipient,
>>>>> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
>>>>> correspondence. Action taken as a result of this email or its contents
>>>>> by anyone other than the intended recipient may result in civil or
>>>>> criminal action. I have checked this email and all corresponding
>>>>> attachments for security threats. However, security of your machine is
>>>>> up to you. Thanks.
>>>>>
>>>>> Registered Linux User 529141.
>>>>> http://counter.li.org/
>>>>> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
>>>>> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
>>>>> please click here:
>>>>> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>>>>>
>>>>> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
>>>>> and above, please click here:
>>>>> http://www.nvda-project.org
>>>>>
>>>>> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
>>>>>
>>>>> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
>>>>> http://nimertech.blogspot.com
>>>>>
>>>>> To contact me, you can reply to this email or you may call me at (720)
>>>>> (251-4530) and I will do my best to respond to you promptly.
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/arielle71%40gmail.com
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>> nabs-l:
>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/cumbiambera2005%40gmail.com
>>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> nabs-l:
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/oliver.doug1%40gmail.com
>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> nabs-l:
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/trillian551%40gmail.com
>>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Mary Fernandez
>> Emory 2012
>> "Do I dare
>> Disturb the universe?
>> In a minute there is time
>> For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."
>> --
>> T.S. Eliot
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> nabs-l mailing list
>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> nabs-l:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/ntorcolini%40wavecable.com
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> nabs-l mailing list
>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> nabs-l:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/jlester8462%40students.pccua.edu
>>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for nabs-l:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/ignasicambra%40gmail.com