[nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision

Fri Mar 23 04:27:32 UTC 2012

Thanks!
I'll ask around, and try to go to Guiding Eyes, after I graduate college.
Blessings, Joshua

On 3/22/12, Ignasi Cambra <ignasicambra at gmail.com> wrote:
> They do. Caniche dogs work very well as guide dogs I think, and you
> shouldn't have any trouble with those...
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> On Mar 22, 2012, at 10:35 PM, Joshua Lester
> <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>
>> Also, with the guide dog, you never know, if the person you're dating
>> has an allergy to dogs.
>> That's why I avoid them, because of my allergies.
>> I don't know, if they train dogs, that are nonallergenic.
>> Nicole, do you know if they do?
>> Thanks, Joshua
>>
>> On 3/22/12, Nicole B. Torcolini at Home <ntorcolini at wavecable.com> wrote:
>>> I'm not saying that this is a reason to get one, and I know that they are
>>> not for everyone, and, if you tell the training center that you want one
>>> for
>>> this reason, they're probably not going to accept you, but guide dogs can
>>> sometimes be a way to break the ice in awkward situations. However, there
>>> is
>>> of course a flip side to that. Some people who have guide dogs don't like
>>> it
>>> when people talk to them because of their dogs. .
>>>
>>> Nicole
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Mary Fernandez" <trillian551 at gmail.com>
>>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 6:42 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>>
>>>
>>> Hello All,
>>> This is a really fantastic topic for a number of reasons. First,
>>> dating is hard as a blind person. But dating can also be hard for
>>> someone who is overweight, someone who is well below average height,
>>> someone who has trouble hearing, etc. In short, dating can be hard for
>>> anyone who isn't simply average, someone who doesn't fall squarely in
>>> the fattest part of the bell curve when we look at populations. Even
>>> geniuses have trouble dating, I'm friends with some, and it's a true
>>> story.
>>> I was having a conversation about dating with a very good friend of
>>> mine a few days ago. And one of the things we both agreed upon, is
>>> that one of the challenges of dating in the typical ways that most
>>> people do, is that most sighted people see you as an asexual being,
>>> who needs help, and who cannot be viewed as datable. Which, like
>>> Arielle said,  makes it hard for blind people to go to bars and other
>>> hang out places where singles gather and just pick up someone and go
>>> on a date. We have to carry a heavier burden by making ourselves even
>>> more accessible than most people, and this might play havoc with our
>>> self-esteem.  The courting sequence usually goes something like this:
>>> Man and woman sit at bar. Man and woman makes eye-contact.
>>> If man and woman give each other physical cue, man will usually,
>>> though not always, make a comment which will spark off conversation.
>>> If woman is interested, about 2 minutes into the conversation she will
>>> angle herself toward the man. If conversation continues to be
>>> stimulating, and man and woman are getting a deeper connection, casual
>>> touching might begin, and a second date might be requested.
>>> Now, lets look at this from a blind perspective. Man or woman walk
>>> into bar, after using cane successfully, fending off unwanted requests
>>> to be helped, man or woman find barstool. After being observed to
>>> enter by most of the bar, observers' mis-conceptions about blindness
>>> will have been activated. And our shot of having this normal courting
>>> sequence is nipped at the bud. Of course, a person who wasn't there
>>> before hand might come in, look at your gorgeous skirt and be
>>> instantly drawn in. Which is why, I like to arrive early at parties
>>> and spark up a conversation with new comers. When they find out your
>>> blind however, all bets are off.
>>> This is not to say that blind individuals cannot and should not have a
>>> dating experience. On the contrary, I have been fairly successful in
>>> dating along with many other blind women and men I know. Like Arielle
>>> and others mentioned, whether someone is sighted or blind should be
>>> irrelevant in who you choose to spend your time with and consider as a
>>> potential romantic partner. there are so many other things that come
>>> into play. What's important to you? Values, humor, kindness,
>>> intelligence, height, hair color, philosophical view, political
>>> parties? Could you truly date a democrat with all those liberal ideas
>>> they have? Or God forbid you find a blind conservative, but decide to
>>> stay with them because it's more comfortable. Relationships are so
>>> incredibly hard and take a lot of work .You learn a lot from each
>>> other. But hopefully, most of the time you enjoy each other
>>> thoroughly, know what your flaws are and continue to like the person
>>> despite them, and have a stronger basis for that relationship than
>>> mere visual acuity.
>>> So, basically, yes, if online dating is something you want to
>>> explore, than yes, do it! If the single chess club is something your
>>> into, go for it! If a singles book club, (which is totally something
>>> I'm looking into right now), sounds interesting, then by all means. Be
>>> creative, don't limit yourself to national convention or the local
>>> bar,, try speed dating! Trivia night! Just going to house parties. But
>>> most of all, be comfortable with yourself, don't go looking for a
>>> sighted date or a blind date for validation. Because that never ends
>>> well. The truth of the matter is that even those of us who are
>>> completely comfortable with their blindness, who lead, full happy and
>>> fulfilled life, can be put down sometimes by being perceived by the
>>> sighted world as somehow lacking, when we know we are not. But, you do
>>> learn that you really are ok, and that dating is just one more thing
>>> we have to do using alternative skills. I know, from the experience of
>>> friends, that some sighted people like to date blind people, because
>>> it makes them feel useful. It validates their self-worth, since they
>>> have someone they can help all the time. And I know blind people who
>>> think that dating someone who is sighted is somehow a superior
>>> experience. I've done both, and speaking from a woman's perspective.
>>> All men have issues. But you can find some truly golden ones among
>>> them all.
>>> A long post of mine can never be complete without my usual reference
>>> to fashion and looking good. Dress to bring out the best features of
>>> yourself. Even at my worse jeans, shirt and sneakers college chic,
>>> when I wake up 10 minutes before class, I always wear color. Because I
>>> have a nice skin tone, and color is my friend. Look nice, get some
>>> delicious lotion or perfume, and go get em.
>>> Sincerely,
>>> Mary
>>>
>>> On 3/22/12, Doug Oliver <oliver.doug1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> I'm gonna way in on this topic.
>>>> My fiancee is actually sited and I'm blind, she's been around blind
>>>> people
>>>> growing up, so she's very much accustomed to dating a blind person.
>>>> We've met in person twice and it's been great.
>>>> Take care,
>>>> Doug
>>>>
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: "Ashley" <cumbiambera2005 at gmail.com>
>>>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 7:42 PM
>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Hello all,
>>>> Like some of the people who have posted already, I have had my own
>>>> experiences with dating, as well as simply meeting people online. As a
>>>> matter of fact, my current boyfriend is someone I met online, and he
>>>> is blind as well. We have been dating a little over a year now, and I
>>>> have also had the chance to meet him in person. I can say that some of
>>>> what we've been through, especially when we met, was both good and
>>>> bad, and even though he is blind, it was a little more disastrous
>>>> because of his family who are sighted. Well the first time we actually
>>>> got to "see" each other was through a webcam, and both families were
>>>> present, not only for discriptive purposes but also because of us
>>>> being long distance, and it was the only way the two families could
>>>> meet. About 6 months later I got to visit him in person, and that was
>>>> a little weird because he lives in another country, and a part of
>>>> another culture, and that in itself brings its own barriers. I
>>>> actually stayed at his house with his family, and I imagine it was
>>>> hard on them because they've never dealt with another blind person
>>>> besides him, and he is not as independent as I am. I have also met
>>>> sighted people online, but I did not meet them through dating sites. I
>>>> met them through pages we both visit, (blogs, etc), and in my opinion,
>>>> that's better because you're actually meeting people you have things
>>>> in common with, regardless of whether you date or not, and like most
>>>> people have said already, one of the main things to consider when
>>>> dating someone, blind or sighted, is what kinds of things you share in
>>>> common with the other person. I personally have never dated a sighted
>>>> person, but I have made some interesting friends online who are
>>>> sighted. Some know I'm blind, and some do not, but not because I
>>>> haven't wanted to tell them. I don't meet these people in person
>>>> mainly because most of them are not from the U.S. and therefore it
>>>> really hasn't come up. Besides, I'm not as close to them, and we
>>>> mainly talk about music, which is what i have in common with most of
>>>> these people I meet anyway. I have also met blind friends online, and
>>>> basically the same goes for them. So as most people have already said,
>>>> I don't think it's that much different dating a sighted person from a
>>>> blind person. A blind person might be a little more understanding
>>>> considering they go through some of the same things. But on the other
>>>> side, that may not always be the case, if the person isn't completely
>>>> adjusted to their blindness, or they have been with their family their
>>>> entire life, and don't really understand the independence issue such
>>>> as in my case. So I think dating both blind and sighted people can
>>>> have their ups and downs, and it's just a matter of knowing how to
>>>> handle each situation as it comes. Good luck.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On 3/22/12, Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> Hi all,
>>>>> I have a little experience with online dating, but not much. I was on
>>>>> a dating site for a year or so and chatted with a few guys but didn't
>>>>> find anyone I actually wanted to meet in person. I have a lot of
>>>>> friends (sighted and blind) who do online dating and I've heard the
>>>>> whole gamut, from happily-ever-after marriages to disastrous first
>>>>> dates and a few people who walked away after my friend's blindness was
>>>>> revealed online. It really doesn't hurt to try it. If you do find
>>>>> someone you like and want to meet, it's best to meet them in a public
>>>>> place. But there's nothing dangerous about just putting a profile up
>>>>> and seeing what happens.
>>>>> Some dating sites are free and others charge a fee for joining.
>>>>> Interestingly, the site I used was free, and when I was visiting my
>>>>> sister and her roommate they were checking out one of the paid sites.
>>>>> I told them about the free site I was on and they looked at it and
>>>>> said they thought the guys on the free site were a lot more attractive
>>>>> and appealing than the guys on the paid one. So it's possible the
>>>>> people you might meet on a free site are less "desperate" and hence
>>>>> are better catches.
>>>>> I'm sure there's a lot of debate about when to reveal blindness during
>>>>> an online dating encounter. Some people put it in their profiles,
>>>>> others wait until the first meeting and still others reveal it at some
>>>>> point in the middle. I'd tend to treat it like a job interview and
>>>>> reveal blindness after I've connected with someone online but before
>>>>> we meet in person so they aren't totally shocked or freaked out when
>>>>> they see me. Unfortunately rejections due to blindness can happen at
>>>>> any point in the process. You'll have to decide whether you would
>>>>> prefer to take that risk earlier on or to give them a chance to get to
>>>>> know you before they learn about your blindness.
>>>>> Regarding dating blind vs. sighted people: Like many of us I have done
>>>>> both. I never consciously decided that I wanted to date a blind person
>>>>> or a sighted person, and I would not recommend that line of thinking.
>>>>> I simply dated guys with whom I felt a connection and who felt the
>>>>> same way toward me, regardless of whether or not they were blind. I
>>>>> will say that in some ways establishing the initial relationship was
>>>>> easier with blind guys, because I didn't have to wonder about what
>>>>> nonverbal signals they were sending or how they might interpret my
>>>>> nonverbal signals. However, when I try to compare the relationship I
>>>>> have had with my sighted boyfriend over the past three years with the
>>>>> other relationships I have had with blind guys, I really can't think
>>>>> of any major differences. I do think that regardless of blindness
>>>>> status, it's important for you and your partner to share interests and
>>>>> passions in common. NFB and blindness are passions that many of us
>>>>> share, and they help bring many blind couples together. However, there
>>>>> are other interests or passions you may share with sighted folks
>>>>> around you, and finding a partner who shares one of those passions
>>>>> with you can be similarly rewarding. In other words, instead of
>>>>> deciding who to date based on whether they are sighted or blind, I
>>>>> think it's more helpful to choose based on how much you share in
>>>>> common with them. I know that for us blind folks it can be hard to
>>>>> meet and connect with people at bars or large gatherings like singles'
>>>>> parties. But if you can find communities of people that share your
>>>>> interests-whether that be your local NFB chapter or student division,
>>>>> classes, church groups or clubs you might be in-that's a much better
>>>>> way to build lasting connections.
>>>>> Arielle
>>>>>
>>>>> On 3/22/12, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>> Oops, I missed a point: I wouldn't go to an NFB convention simply for
>>>>>> the dating scene. I'm sure relationships do develop at things like
>>>>>> that, however most people are going to be preoccupied with general
>>>>>> sessions, exhibits, orientation around a huge massive hotel, etc etc
>>>>>> to really pay attention to who's around them for dating.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Later.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On 22.03.2012, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>> Hello Robin,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Or you could just go ahead and do the online dating thing and learn
>>>>>>> from it. It has turned out well for some, and not so well for others.
>>>>>>> As for the sighted vs. blind thing, I would ask what you want. Not
>>>>>>> dating a blind person simply because you think you'll look cool and
>>>>>>> more independent for dating a sighted person will limit your options,
>>>>>>> just like not dating a sighted person because you're afraid of being
>>>>>>> rejected is crazy as well. We're all individuals. Many blind people
>>>>>>> have underlying disabilities, some may not be adjusted to their
>>>>>>> blindness completely, etc etc but you wouldn't have to necessarily
>>>>>>> feel self-conscious about the blindness issues, your appearance, etc
>>>>>>> etc. Sighted people in my experience are going to ask many questions.
>>>>>>> Especially at first, you'll probably have to do a whole lot more
>>>>>>> educating than dating, and it might get annoying, but many are
>>>>>>> willing
>>>>>>> to learn and it could work out. As for good dating sites ... why not
>>>>>>> just getting onto the social networks like Facebook and put your
>>>>>>> status as single? Maybe attend some of the singles conferences that
>>>>>>> are out there? And if someone interests you, then go after them
>>>>>>> (whether online or not).
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Anyway, talk to you later and peace. May you have much luck with your
>>>>>>> dating search.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Nimer J
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On 22.03.2012, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Also, it has been proven, that there are people on chat sites, that
>>>>>>>> pretend to be something, to get your attention, and then when you
>>>>>>>> meet
>>>>>>>> them, they're a criminal.
>>>>>>>> Be careful, and meet people one on one, and in person.
>>>>>>>> Come to the NFB convention, and you might meet someone, and oh yes,
>>>>>>>> there are sighted members in the NFB, as well!
>>>>>>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On 3/22/12, Gloria G <gloria.graves at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>>> Hi,
>>>>>>>>> I have never gone on to any of the online dating sites, but I would
>>>>>>>>> be
>>>>>>>>> very
>>>>>>>>> careful because a person online is not as friendly or charming as
>>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>>> appear to be over emails. I have dated very few blind people and
>>>>>>>>> find
>>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>>> there is always a focus on blindness in the relationship and I feel
>>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>>> a negative thing at times because we all live with blindness on a
>>>>>>>>> daily
>>>>>>>>> basis and want to know we are more than our blindness. I have found
>>>>>>>>> there
>>>>>>>>> are a lot of people open to dating a blind person expecially when
>>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>>> are
>>>>>>>>> confident and out going. I have been in a relationship with a sited
>>>>>>>>> person
>>>>>>>>> for 3 years and things are wonderful.
>>>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>>> From: "Robin" <robinmel71 at earthlink.net>
>>>>>>>>> To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>>>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 4:47 PM
>>>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> Hello to everyone,
>>>>>>>>>> I am just wondering if anyone has had any experience with online
>>>>>>>>>> dating
>>>>>>>>>> and if so what sites would you recommend? What experiences have
>>>>>>>>>> you
>>>>>>>>>> had
>>>>>>>>>> with dating sighted people vs dating blind people? I look forward
>>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>>> hearing your stories.
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad.
>>>>>>>>>> Perhaps
>>>>>>>>>> there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like
>>>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>>>> breeze
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> among flowers.
>>>>>>>>>> Hellen Keller
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
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>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
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>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> --
>>>>>>> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
>>>>>>> addressed. If you believe that you are not the intended recipient,
>>>>>>> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
>>>>>>> correspondence. Action taken as a result of this email or its
>>>>>>> contents
>>>>>>> by anyone other than the intended recipient may result in civil or
>>>>>>> criminal action. I have checked this email and all corresponding
>>>>>>> attachments for security threats. However, security of your machine
>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>> up to you. Thanks.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Registered Linux User 529141.
>>>>>>> http://counter.li.org/
>>>>>>> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
>>>>>>> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
>>>>>>> please click here:
>>>>>>> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
>>>>>>> and above, please click here:
>>>>>>> http://www.nvda-project.org
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
>>>>>>> http://nimertech.blogspot.com
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> To contact me, you can reply to this email or you may call me at
>>>>>>> (720)
>>>>>>> (251-4530) and I will do my best to respond to you promptly.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> --
>>>>>> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
>>>>>> addressed. If you believe that you are not the intended recipient,
>>>>>> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
>>>>>> correspondence. Action taken as a result of this email or its contents
>>>>>> by anyone other than the intended recipient may result in civil or
>>>>>> criminal action. I have checked this email and all corresponding
>>>>>> attachments for security threats. However, security of your machine is
>>>>>> up to you. Thanks.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Registered Linux User 529141.
>>>>>> http://counter.li.org/
>>>>>> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
>>>>>> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
>>>>>> please click here:
>>>>>> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>>>>>>
>>>>>> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
>>>>>> and above, please click here:
>>>>>> http://www.nvda-project.org
>>>>>>
>>>>>> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
>>>>>> http://nimertech.blogspot.com
>>>>>>
>>>>>> To contact me, you can reply to this email or you may call me at (720)
>>>>>> (251-4530) and I will do my best to respond to you promptly.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Mary Fernandez
>>> Emory 2012
>>> "Do I dare
>>> Disturb the universe?
>>> In a minute there is time
>>> For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."
>>> --
>>> T.S. Eliot
>>>
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