[nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision

Fri Mar 23 04:22:35 UTC 2012

Would you give up on all the benefits of having a guide dog just
because at some point a long time ago someone decided that dogs arr
not pure...?

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 22, 2012, at 10:47 PM, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:

> For me, a guide dog is not an option if I marry the man I want or any Muslim for that matter because they think dogs are impure.
> Beth
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Nicole B. Torcolini at Home" <ntorcolini at wavecable.com
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Thu, 22 Mar 2012 19:29:35 -0700
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>
> I'm not saying that this is a reason to get one, and I know that they are
> not for everyone, and, if you tell the training center that you want one for
> this reason, they're probably not going to accept you, but guide dogs can
> sometimes be a way to break the ice in awkward situations. However, there is
> of course a flip side to that. Some people who have guide dogs don't like it
> when people talk to them because of their dogs. .
>
> Nicole
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Mary Fernandez" <trillian551 at gmail.com
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 6:42 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>
>
> Hello All,
> This is a really fantastic topic for a number of reasons. First,
> dating is hard as a blind person. But dating can also be hard for
> someone who is overweight, someone who is well below average height,
> someone who has trouble hearing, etc. In short, dating can be hard for
> anyone who isn't simply average, someone who doesn't fall squarely in
> the fattest part of the bell curve when we look at populations. Even
> geniuses have trouble dating, I'm friends with some, and it's a true
> story.
> I was having a conversation about dating with a very good friend of
> mine a few days ago. And one of the things we both agreed upon, is
> that one of the challenges of dating in the typical ways that most
> people do, is that most sighted people see you as an asexual being,
> who needs help, and who cannot be viewed as datable. Which, like
> Arielle said,  makes it hard for blind people to go to bars and other
> hang out places where singles gather and just pick up someone and go
> on a date. We have to carry a heavier burden by making ourselves even
> more accessible than most people, and this might play havoc with our
> self-esteem.  The courting sequence usually goes something like this:
> Man and woman sit at bar. Man and woman makes eye-contact.
> If man and woman give each other physical cue, man will usually,
> though not always, make a comment which will spark off conversation.
> If woman is interested, about 2 minutes into the conversation she will
> angle herself toward the man. If conversation continues to be
> stimulating, and man and woman are getting a deeper connection, casual
> touching might begin, and a second date might be requested.
> Now, lets look at this from a blind perspective. Man or woman walk
> into bar, after using cane successfully, fending off unwanted requests
> to be helped, man or woman find barstool. After being observed to
> enter by most of the bar, observers' mis-conceptions about blindness
> will have been activated. And our shot of having this normal courting
> sequence is nipped at the bud. Of course, a person who wasn't there
> before hand might come in, look at your gorgeous skirt and be
> instantly drawn in. Which is why, I like to arrive early at parties
> and spark up a conversation with new comers. When they find out your
> blind however, all bets are off.
> This is not to say that blind individuals cannot and should not have a
> dating experience. On the contrary, I have been fairly successful in
> dating along with many other blind women and men I know. Like Arielle
> and others mentioned, whether someone is sighted or blind should be
> irrelevant in who you choose to spend your time with and consider as a
> potential romantic partner. there are so many other things that come
> into play. What's important to you? Values, humor, kindness,
> intelligence, height, hair color, philosophical view, political
> parties? Could you truly date a democrat with all those liberal ideas
> they have? Or God forbid you find a blind conservative, but decide to
> stay with them because it's more comfortable. Relationships are so
> incredibly hard and take a lot of work .You learn a lot from each
> other. But hopefully, most of the time you enjoy each other
> thoroughly, know what your flaws are and continue to like the person
> despite them, and have a stronger basis for that relationship than
> mere visual acuity.
> So, basically, yes, if online dating is something you want to
> explore, than yes, do it! If the single chess club is something your
> into, go for it! If a singles book club, (which is totally something
> I'm looking into right now), sounds interesting, then by all means. Be
> creative, don't limit yourself to national convention or the local
> bar,, try speed dating! Trivia night! Just going to house parties. But
> most of all, be comfortable with yourself, don't go looking for a
> sighted date or a blind date for validation. Because that never ends
> well. The truth of the matter is that even those of us who are
> completely comfortable with their blindness, who lead, full happy and
> fulfilled life, can be put down sometimes by being perceived by the
> sighted world as somehow lacking, when we know we are not. But, you do
> learn that you really are ok, and that dating is just one more thing
> we have to do using alternative skills. I know, from the experience of
> friends, that some sighted people like to date blind people, because
> it makes them feel useful. It validates their self-worth, since they
> have someone they can help all the time. And I know blind people who
> think that dating someone who is sighted is somehow a superior
> experience. I've done both, and speaking from a woman's perspective.
> All men have issues. But you can find some truly golden ones among
> them all.
> A long post of mine can never be complete without my usual reference
> to fashion and looking good. Dress to bring out the best features of
> yourself. Even at my worse jeans, shirt and sneakers college chic,
> when I wake up 10 minutes before class, I always wear color. Because I
> have a nice skin tone, and color is my friend. Look nice, get some
> delicious lotion or perfume, and go get em.
> Sincerely,
> Mary
>
> On 3/22/12, Doug Oliver <oliver.doug1 at gmail.com> wrote:
> I'm gonna way in on this topic.
> My fiancee is actually sited and I'm blind, she's been around blind people
> growing up, so she's very much accustomed to dating a blind person.
> We've met in person twice and it's been great.
> Take care,
> Doug
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Ashley" <cumbiambera2005 at gmail.com
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 7:42 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>
>
> Hello all,
> Like some of the people who have posted already, I have had my own
> experiences with dating, as well as simply meeting people online. As a
> matter of fact, my current boyfriend is someone I met online, and he
> is blind as well. We have been dating a little over a year now, and I
> have also had the chance to meet him in person. I can say that some of
> what we've been through, especially when we met, was both good and
> bad, and even though he is blind, it was a little more disastrous
> because of his family who are sighted. Well the first time we actually
> got to "see" each other was through a webcam, and both families were
> present, not only for discriptive purposes but also because of us
> being long distance, and it was the only way the two families could
> meet. About 6 months later I got to visit him in person, and that was
> a little weird because he lives in another country, and a part of
> another culture, and that in itself brings its own barriers. I
> actually stayed at his house with his family, and I imagine it was
> hard on them because they've never dealt with another blind person
> besides him, and he is not as independent as I am. I have also met
> sighted people online, but I did not meet them through dating sites. I
> met them through pages we both visit, (blogs, etc), and in my opinion,
> that's better because you're actually meeting people you have things
> in common with, regardless of whether you date or not, and like most
> people have said already, one of the main things to consider when
> dating someone, blind or sighted, is what kinds of things you share in
> common with the other person. I personally have never dated a sighted
> person, but I have made some interesting friends online who are
> sighted. Some know I'm blind, and some do not, but not because I
> haven't wanted to tell them. I don't meet these people in person
> mainly because most of them are not from the U.S. and therefore it
> really hasn't come up. Besides, I'm not as close to them, and we
> mainly talk about music, which is what i have in common with most of
> these people I meet anyway. I have also met blind friends online, and
> basically the same goes for them. So as most people have already said,
> I don't think it's that much different dating a sighted person from a
> blind person. A blind person might be a little more understanding
> considering they go through some of the same things. But on the other
> side, that may not always be the case, if the person isn't completely
> adjusted to their blindness, or they have been with their family their
> entire life, and don't really understand the independence issue such
> as in my case. So I think dating both blind and sighted people can
> have their ups and downs, and it's just a matter of knowing how to
> handle each situation as it comes. Good luck.
>
>
> On 3/22/12, Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hi all,
> I have a little experience with online dating, but not much. I was on
> a dating site for a year or so and chatted with a few guys but didn't
> find anyone I actually wanted to meet in person. I have a lot of
> friends (sighted and blind) who do online dating and I've heard the
> whole gamut, from happily-ever-after marriages to disastrous first
> dates and a few people who walked away after my friend's blindness was
> revealed online. It really doesn't hurt to try it. If you do find
> someone you like and want to meet, it's best to meet them in a public
> place. But there's nothing dangerous about just putting a profile up
> and seeing what happens.
> Some dating sites are free and others charge a fee for joining.
> Interestingly, the site I used was free, and when I was visiting my
> sister and her roommate they were checking out one of the paid sites.
> I told them about the free site I was on and they looked at it and
> said they thought the guys on the free site were a lot more attractive
> and appealing than the guys on the paid one. So it's possible the
> people you might meet on a free site are less "desperate" and hence
> are better catches.
> I'm sure there's a lot of debate about when to reveal blindness during
> an online dating encounter. Some people put it in their profiles,
> others wait until the first meeting and still others reveal it at some
> point in the middle. I'd tend to treat it like a job interview and
> reveal blindness after I've connected with someone online but before
> we meet in person so they aren't totally shocked or freaked out when
> they see me. Unfortunately rejections due to blindness can happen at
> any point in the process. You'll have to decide whether you would
> prefer to take that risk earlier on or to give them a chance to get to
> know you before they learn about your blindness.
> Regarding dating blind vs. sighted people: Like many of us I have done
> both. I never consciously decided that I wanted to date a blind person
> or a sighted person, and I would not recommend that line of thinking.
> I simply dated guys with whom I felt a connection and who felt the
> same way toward me, regardless of whether or not they were blind. I
> will say that in some ways establishing the initial relationship was
> easier with blind guys, because I didn't have to wonder about what
> nonverbal signals they were sending or how they might interpret my
> nonverbal signals. However, when I try to compare the relationship I
> have had with my sighted boyfriend over the past three years with the
> other relationships I have had with blind guys, I really can't think
> of any major differences. I do think that regardless of blindness
> status, it's important for you and your partner to share interests and
> passions in common. NFB and blindness are passions that many of us
> share, and they help bring many blind couples together. However, there
> are other interests or passions you may share with sighted folks
> around you, and finding a partner who shares one of those passions
> with you can be similarly rewarding. In other words, instead of
> deciding who to date based on whether they are sighted or blind, I
> think it's more helpful to choose based on how much you share in
> common with them. I know that for us blind folks it can be hard to
> meet and connect with people at bars or large gatherings like singles'
> parties. But if you can find communities of people that share your
> interests-whether that be your local NFB chapter or student division,
> classes, church groups or clubs you might be in-that's a much better
> way to build lasting connections.
> Arielle
>
> On 3/22/12, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Oops, I missed a point: I wouldn't go to an NFB convention simply for
> the dating scene. I'm sure relationships do develop at things like
> that, however most people are going to be preoccupied with general
> sessions, exhibits, orientation around a huge massive hotel, etc etc
> to really pay attention to who's around them for dating.
>
> Later.
>
> On 22.03.2012, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hello Robin,
>
> Or you could just go ahead and do the online dating thing and learn
> from it. It has turned out well for some, and not so well for others.
> As for the sighted vs. blind thing, I would ask what you want. Not
> dating a blind person simply because you think you'll look cool and
> more independent for dating a sighted person will limit your options,
> just like not dating a sighted person because you're afraid of being
> rejected is crazy as well. We're all individuals. Many blind people
> have underlying disabilities, some may not be adjusted to their
> blindness completely, etc etc but you wouldn't have to necessarily
> feel self-conscious about the blindness issues, your appearance, etc
> etc. Sighted people in my experience are going to ask many questions.
> Especially at first, you'll probably have to do a whole lot more
> educating than dating, and it might get annoying, but many are willing
> to learn and it could work out. As for good dating sites ... why not
> just getting onto the social networks like Facebook and put your
> status as single? Maybe attend some of the singles conferences that
> are out there? And if someone interests you, then go after them
> (whether online or not).
>
> Anyway, talk to you later and peace. May you have much luck with your
> dating search.
>
> Nimer J
>
> On 22.03.2012, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
> Also, it has been proven, that there are people on chat sites, that
> pretend to be something, to get your attention, and then when you meet
> them, they're a criminal.
> Be careful, and meet people one on one, and in person.
> Come to the NFB convention, and you might meet someone, and oh yes,
> there are sighted members in the NFB, as well!
> Blessings, Joshua
>
> On 3/22/12, Gloria G <gloria.graves at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hi,
> I have never gone on to any of the online dating sites, but I would
> be
> very
> careful because a person online is not as friendly or charming as
> they
> appear to be over emails. I have dated very few blind people and find
> that
> there is always a focus on blindness in the relationship and I feel
> that
> is
> a negative thing at times because we all live with blindness on a
> daily
> basis and want to know we are more than our blindness. I have found
> there
> are a lot of people open to dating a blind person expecially when
> they
> are
> confident and out going. I have been in a relationship with a sited
> person
> for 3 years and things are wonderful.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Robin" <robinmel71 at earthlink.net
> To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 4:47 PM
> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>
>
> Hello to everyone,
> I am just wondering if anyone has had any experience with online
> dating
> and if so what sites would you recommend? What experiences have you
> had
> with dating sighted people vs dating blind people? I look forward to
> hearing your stories.
>
>
> I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad.
> Perhaps
> there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a
> breeze
>
> among flowers.
> Hellen Keller
>
>
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> --
> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>
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>
> Registered Linux User 529141.
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> --
> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>
> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
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> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
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>
> Registered Linux User 529141.
> http://counter.li.org/
> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
> please click here:
> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>
> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
> and above, please click here:
> http://www.nvda-project.org
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> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
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> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
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> --
> Mary Fernandez
> Emory 2012
> "Do I dare
> Disturb the universe?
> In a minute there is time
> For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."
> --
> T.S. Eliot
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