[nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating

[Beth]

Hi, Arielle and all,
	Jason is the love I thought I'd never have.  YEs, we get on 
each other's nerves.  YEs, he argues with me sometimes, but 
people call him no good, bad, really stupid, whuatever you 
say they say it about him.  I think Jason has a sweet side 
to him.  I love Jason so much and we met in June.  His mom 
was able to pay for the flight, but I'm afraid she won't 
this December or so.  I'm trying to make it easy for her to 
pay for it again so I can be down there with him.  I want 
Jason to know that just because he's blind, heart issues and 
all that, that doesn't mean that his life is over.  HE can 
marry, he can have a relationship, he can have kids if he so 
desires, and he may engage in sex if that's whuat he wants.  
Some men are nervous about sex and relationships, even 
Jason.  But with the help of my coaxing and calm manner, he 
was able to enjoy himself with me.  At least he doesn't 
engage in the trade of child porn and other inappropriate 
things that sighted men would engage in.  He has a good 
sense of right and wrong.  He loves chocolate for breakfast. 
(hee hee), though I prefer eggs myself.  If I look back and 
turn the clock back, I see that I have not made a bad choice 
as some are led to believe.  Honestly, I have insecurity 
issues, and I see myself at fault for a stupid email I sent 
to his mother because I was truly upset at sommething he did 
that was really inappropriate and I don't want to share with 
this list.  I love Jason no matter what he does to me or 
whuaft I do to him.  All I can do is say that it's 
emotionally trying not having Jason near me, but this 
relationship is good when the winds of good fortune blow in 
our direction.  Arielle, Im glad at least you have a good 
boyfriend.  Btw, for all of us, how can I make up with 
Jason's family without sending an email?  I really want to 
see him again, and supposedly his mom resents me for sending 
that email.  That's the only thing about the relationship 
that I don't like very much.
Beth

 ----- Original Message -----
From: Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Wed, 5 Sep 2012 23:01:32 -0600
Subject: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating

Hi all,
Cindy, I generally agree with you about keeping this list to
blindness-related discussions. However, I do think long-distance
dating issues like the one Koby brought up are perhaps more 
relevant
to us blind students than they are for sighted students, 
especially
those of us who are involved in the NFB.  This is because, for 
many
reasons, some of us want to date other blind/NFB people and 
because
our community is so spread out, we may often end up in similar
situations where we have to decide if we want to enter a 
long-distance
relationship with someone we know from this community. So I'd 
like to
offer a brief response on-list and hope that others in similar
situations might find it helpful.
During college I was in a long-distance relationship with someone 
I
met through NFB for about a year. In hindsight I do not regret 
that
decision at all. I had fun, learned a lot and he and I are still
friends. I will also say that parts of it were emotionally very 
hard
to deal with--in my particular case an airplane ticket between my
location and his cost nearly $500 and we did not see each other 
for
five months, which was emotionally trying at times. I do not 
think I
would do another long-distance relationship and my current 
boyfriend
and I will be making an effort to ensure we will not have to be 
living
in separate places for any length of time. However, again, I 
enjoyed
the one experience I had overall and learned a lot from it. I 
think if
you and this girl really like each other and you can find a way 
to see
each other on a somewhat regular basis, there's no harm in trying 
and
you can always decide later on to just be friends. However, it is
something to give a little serious thought to before you make 
that
kind of commitment. You also want to talk with her and make sure 
that
the two of you have similar expectations for how serious of a
relationship this will be and how often you will be able to see 
each
other. It will be hard if one of you is much more enthused about 
the
relationship than the other. But if the two of you are generally 
on
the same page and are really committed to it, it can be fun.
Hope this helps,
Arielle

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