[nabs-l] adult discussions and high school students was RE: Long-Distance Dating

Sat Sep 8 02:56:09 UTC 2012

Joshua,

Please don't use me as a reason to tell somebody that a certain discussion
can't be had on this list. Although I'm not in a position to comment on
Koby's original question because of my age and lack of experience on this
topic, I do believe it is a valid question and one which is on-topic for
this list, or at least for the list as it was intended to be. If a
discussion about having sex as a blind person is not appropriate for a high
school student such as myself to read, why do the high schools we go to
offer sex education classes as part of their curricula? If we are not mature
enough to even read a question which has any sort of sexual implication, why
is time set aside during the school year to have class discussions about the
truth about sex? If we are to be so sheltered as to never even learn the
first thing about sex until we are full-grown adults, why are our parents
encouraged by their children's schools and just about everybody else who
knows anything about the education of children to teach their children about
sex at an early age? We learn about sex, and our parents are encouraged (and
often do) teach us about it because it is a fact of life; it is a part of
the real world, whether you like it or not. Too often young people as young
as 13 or 14 are peer-pressured to have sex or to say or do something that
has a sexual implication. This is why I believe it is important that we
learn about sex at an early age; the good, the bad, and the ugly of it. Then
we will be able to make a truly informed decision as to what we will do in
regards to sex. Conversely, if we are sheltered, as you suggest, and don't
learn the first thing about sex or similar subjects, we will not be properly
prepared for the real world as it is today. While it is important that
parents teach their children morals, I believe it is equally important that
they be honest with their children about what is really out there in the
real world and the consequences of getting involved in things like sex at an
early age. While I appreciate your efforts to keep the list free of
inappropriate discussion and protect me and our other high school students
from inappropriate content, I feel that you are doing it to the extreme,
borderlining over-protectedness and sheltering. I joined this list as well
as others knowing that I would be exposed to some parts of the real world
which are somewhat adult in nature, but also knowing that I had the option
not to comment on or follow those threads I felt uncomfortable with reading,
and that there were many people on this list and others who are much older
than I and therefore might talk about things I haven't been exposed to as
much yet. But I don't have a problem with this, as I respect everybody's
right to freedom of speech. In short, the fact of my being a high school
student as well as a member of this list should not and (in my opinion) does
not restrict the freedom of speech of any other member of this list to
discuss what he/she wants to discuss, as long as it remains on topic for
this list; that is, that it has something to do with blindness and/or being
a student. If the moderator feels that the discussion is off-topic, he is
the one whose job it is to tell whoever started the discussion. But just
don't use my age as support for your claim that something is inappropriate
for this list.

Chris Nusbaum

-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Joshua Lester
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2012 9:47 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating

Koby: this is off topic, especially since there are high schoolers on here.
Thanks, Joshua
________________________________________
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] on behalf of
Koby [kobycox at gmail.com]
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2012 8:42 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Cc: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating

All,
What should I do If this girl wants to have sex when I see her?
Koby
Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 6, 2012, at 12:53 AM, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hi, Arielle and all,
>    Jason is the love I thought I'd never have.  YEs, we get on each
other's nerves.  YEs, he argues with me sometimes, but people call him no
good, bad, really stupid, whuatever you say they say it about him.  I think
Jason has a sweet side to him.  I love Jason so much and we met in June.
His mom was able to pay for the flight, but I'm afraid she won't this
December or so.  I'm trying to make it easy for her to pay for it again so I
can be down there with him.  I want Jason to know that just because he's
blind, heart issues and all that, that doesn't mean that his life is over.
HE can marry, he can have a relationship, he can have kids if he so desires,
and he may engage in sex if that's whuat he wants.  Some men are nervous
about sex and relationships, even Jason.  But with the help of my coaxing
and calm manner, he was able to enjoy himself with me.  At least he doesn't
engage in the trade of child porn and other inappropriate things that
sighted men would engage in.  He has a good sense of right and wrong.  He
loves chocolate for breakfast. (hee hee), though I prefer eggs myself.  If I
look back and turn the clock back, I see that I have not made a bad choice
as some are led to believe.  Honestly, I have insecurity issues, and I see
myself at fault for a stupid email I sent to his mother because I was truly
upset at sommething he did that was really inappropriate and I don't want to
share with this list.  I love Jason no matter what he does to me or whuaft I
do to him.  All I can do is say that it's emotionally trying not having
Jason near me, but this relationship is good when the winds of good fortune
blow in our direction.  Arielle, Im glad at least you have a good boyfriend.
Btw, for all of us, how can I make up with Jason's family without sending an
email?  I really want to see him again, and supposedly his mom resents me
for sending that email.  That's the only thing about the relationship that I
don't like very much.
> Beth
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list 
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Wed, 5 Sep 2012 23:01:32 -0600
> Subject: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
>
> Hi all,
> Cindy, I generally agree with you about keeping this list to 
> blindness-related discussions. However, I do think long-distance 
> dating issues like the one Koby brought up are perhaps more relevant 
> to us blind students than they are for sighted students, especially 
> those of us who are involved in the NFB.  This is because, for many 
> reasons, some of us want to date other blind/NFB people and because 
> our community is so spread out, we may often end up in similar 
> situations where we have to decide if we want to enter a long-distance 
> relationship with someone we know from this community. So I'd like to 
> offer a brief response on-list and hope that others in similar 
> situations might find it helpful.
> During college I was in a long-distance relationship with someone I 
> met through NFB for about a year. In hindsight I do not regret that 
> decision at all. I had fun, learned a lot and he and I are still 
> friends. I will also say that parts of it were emotionally very hard 
> to deal with--in my particular case an airplane ticket between my 
> location and his cost nearly $500 and we did not see each other for 
> five months, which was emotionally trying at times. I do not think I 
> would do another long-distance relationship and my current boyfriend 
> and I will be making an effort to ensure we will not have to be living 
> in separate places for any length of time. However, again, I enjoyed 
> the one experience I had overall and learned a lot from it. I think if 
> you and this girl really like each other and you can find a way to see 
> each other on a somewhat regular basis, there's no harm in trying and 
> you can always decide later on to just be friends. However, it is 
> something to give a little serious thought to before you make that 
> kind of commitment. You also want to talk with her and make sure that 
> the two of you have similar expectations for how serious of a 
> relationship this will be and how often you will be able to see each 
> other. It will be hard if one of you is much more enthused about the 
> relationship than the other. But if the two of you are generally on 
> the same page and are really committed to it, it can be fun.
> Hope this helps,
> Arielle
>
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