[nabs-l] adult discussions and high school students was RE: Long-Distance Dating

Sat Sep 8 03:54:03 UTC 2012

Hi Chris,
Very well said! I'm really glad you have such a healthy attitude about
this. You certainly seem mature for your age and I applaud you for
eloquently saying what I don't think I could have nearly as well.

On 9/7/12, Chris Nusbaum <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> wrote:
> Joshua,
>
> Please don't use me as a reason to tell somebody that a certain discussion
> can't be had on this list. Although I'm not in a position to comment on
> Koby's original question because of my age and lack of experience on this
> topic, I do believe it is a valid question and one which is on-topic for
> this list, or at least for the list as it was intended to be. If a
> discussion about having sex as a blind person is not appropriate for a high
> school student such as myself to read, why do the high schools we go to
> offer sex education classes as part of their curricula? If we are not
> mature
> enough to even read a question which has any sort of sexual implication,
> why
> is time set aside during the school year to have class discussions about
> the
> truth about sex? If we are to be so sheltered as to never even learn the
> first thing about sex until we are full-grown adults, why are our parents
> encouraged by their children's schools and just about everybody else who
> knows anything about the education of children to teach their children
> about
> sex at an early age? We learn about sex, and our parents are encouraged
> (and
> often do) teach us about it because it is a fact of life; it is a part of
> the real world, whether you like it or not. Too often young people as young
> as 13 or 14 are peer-pressured to have sex or to say or do something that
> has a sexual implication. This is why I believe it is important that we
> learn about sex at an early age; the good, the bad, and the ugly of it.
> Then
> we will be able to make a truly informed decision as to what we will do in
> regards to sex. Conversely, if we are sheltered, as you suggest, and don't
> learn the first thing about sex or similar subjects, we will not be
> properly
> prepared for the real world as it is today. While it is important that
> parents teach their children morals, I believe it is equally important that
> they be honest with their children about what is really out there in the
> real world and the consequences of getting involved in things like sex at
> an
> early age. While I appreciate your efforts to keep the list free of
> inappropriate discussion and protect me and our other high school students
> from inappropriate content, I feel that you are doing it to the extreme,
> borderlining over-protectedness and sheltering. I joined this list as well
> as others knowing that I would be exposed to some parts of the real world
> which are somewhat adult in nature, but also knowing that I had the option
> not to comment on or follow those threads I felt uncomfortable with
> reading,
> and that there were many people on this list and others who are much older
> than I and therefore might talk about things I haven't been exposed to as
> much yet. But I don't have a problem with this, as I respect everybody's
> right to freedom of speech. In short, the fact of my being a high school
> student as well as a member of this list should not and (in my opinion)
> does
> not restrict the freedom of speech of any other member of this list to
> discuss what he/she wants to discuss, as long as it remains on topic for
> this list; that is, that it has something to do with blindness and/or being
> a student. If the moderator feels that the discussion is off-topic, he is
> the one whose job it is to tell whoever started the discussion. But just
> don't use my age as support for your claim that something is inappropriate
> for this list.
>
> Chris Nusbaum
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf
> Of Joshua Lester
> Sent: Friday, September 07, 2012 9:47 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
>
> Koby: this is off topic, especially since there are high schoolers on here.
> Thanks, Joshua
> ________________________________________
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] on behalf of
> Koby [kobycox at gmail.com]
> Sent: Friday, September 07, 2012 8:42 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Cc: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
>
> All,
> What should I do If this girl wants to have sex when I see her?
> Koby
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> On Sep 6, 2012, at 12:53 AM, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hi, Arielle and all,
>>    Jason is the love I thought I'd never have.  YEs, we get on each
> other's nerves.  YEs, he argues with me sometimes, but people call him no
> good, bad, really stupid, whuatever you say they say it about him.  I think
> Jason has a sweet side to him.  I love Jason so much and we met in June.
> His mom was able to pay for the flight, but I'm afraid she won't this
> December or so.  I'm trying to make it easy for her to pay for it again so
> I
> can be down there with him.  I want Jason to know that just because he's
> blind, heart issues and all that, that doesn't mean that his life is over.
> HE can marry, he can have a relationship, he can have kids if he so
> desires,
> and he may engage in sex if that's whuat he wants.  Some men are nervous
> about sex and relationships, even Jason.  But with the help of my coaxing
> and calm manner, he was able to enjoy himself with me.  At least he doesn't
> engage in the trade of child porn and other inappropriate things that
> sighted men would engage in.  He has a good sense of right and wrong.  He
> loves chocolate for breakfast. (hee hee), though I prefer eggs myself.  If
> I
> look back and turn the clock back, I see that I have not made a bad choice
> as some are led to believe.  Honestly, I have insecurity issues, and I see
> myself at fault for a stupid email I sent to his mother because I was truly
> upset at sommething he did that was really inappropriate and I don't want
> to
> share with this list.  I love Jason no matter what he does to me or whuaft
> I
> do to him.  All I can do is say that it's emotionally trying not having
> Jason near me, but this relationship is good when the winds of good fortune
> blow in our direction.  Arielle, Im glad at least you have a good
> boyfriend.
> Btw, for all of us, how can I make up with Jason's family without sending
> an
> email?  I really want to see him again, and supposedly his mom resents me
> for sending that email.  That's the only thing about the relationship that
> I
> don't like very much.
>> Beth
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Wed, 5 Sep 2012 23:01:32 -0600
>> Subject: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
>>
>> Hi all,
>> Cindy, I generally agree with you about keeping this list to
>> blindness-related discussions. However, I do think long-distance
>> dating issues like the one Koby brought up are perhaps more relevant
>> to us blind students than they are for sighted students, especially
>> those of us who are involved in the NFB.  This is because, for many
>> reasons, some of us want to date other blind/NFB people and because
>> our community is so spread out, we may often end up in similar
>> situations where we have to decide if we want to enter a long-distance
>> relationship with someone we know from this community. So I'd like to
>> offer a brief response on-list and hope that others in similar
>> situations might find it helpful.
>> During college I was in a long-distance relationship with someone I
>> met through NFB for about a year. In hindsight I do not regret that
>> decision at all. I had fun, learned a lot and he and I are still
>> friends. I will also say that parts of it were emotionally very hard
>> to deal with--in my particular case an airplane ticket between my
>> location and his cost nearly $500 and we did not see each other for
>> five months, which was emotionally trying at times. I do not think I
>> would do another long-distance relationship and my current boyfriend
>> and I will be making an effort to ensure we will not have to be living
>> in separate places for any length of time. However, again, I enjoyed
>> the one experience I had overall and learned a lot from it. I think if
>> you and this girl really like each other and you can find a way to see
>> each other on a somewhat regular basis, there's no harm in trying and
>> you can always decide later on to just be friends. However, it is
>> something to give a little serious thought to before you make that
>> kind of commitment. You also want to talk with her and make sure that
>> the two of you have similar expectations for how serious of a
>> relationship this will be and how often you will be able to see each
>> other. It will be hard if one of you is much more enthused about the
>> relationship than the other. But if the two of you are generally on
>> the same page and are really committed to it, it can be fun.
>> Hope this helps,
>> Arielle
>>
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