[nabs-l] adult discussions and high school students wasRE:Long-Distance Dating
Chris Nusbaum
dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com
Sat Sep 8 22:37:14 UTC 2012
Very well stated, and you are absolutely right! We can continue
this conversation on Skype, once I've actually signed on and
added your new account...
----- Original Message -----
From: Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 07 Sep 2012 21:45:08 -0600
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] adult discussions and high school students
wasRE:Long-Distance Dating
Very well said, Chris. I feel we need to ask questions about sex
that even our parents won't tell u. There were discussions at
conventions past about teenage issues, including sex. Adrienne
Asch led a discussion about blind teen women issues. I was told
I could not have sex until marriage, but for me, when is marriage
as a blind woman? Jason and I are perfectly ok with each other,
and I see my life with him as the best life I've ever had so far,
and even at a distance, Jason and I, both being blind, have
questions. He loves me, and I do him, but because
my parents were so overprotective, men think I am using them to
get out of what my parents set up. They want protection, even
from sexual matters, and they want me to marry, if anything, a
man with a job. Jason's heart condition prevents him from
seeking and retaining employment. I could be deemed unemployable
due to bipolar disorder. Chris, you said it all quite right.
Lots of u are unemployed, so I think we're further at rik for
contracting HIV and AIDS and other STI's. Sex matters!
Beth
----- Original Message -----
From: "Chris Nusbaum" <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com
To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 7 Sep 2012 22:56:09 -0400
Subject: [nabs-l] adult discussions and high school students was
RE:Long-Distance Dating
Joshua,
Please don't use me as a reason to tell somebody that a certain
discussion
can't be had on this list. Although I'm not in a position to
comment on
Koby's original question because of my age and lack of experience
on this
topic, I do believe it is a valid question and one which is
on-topic for
this list, or at least for the list as it was intended to be. If
a
discussion about having sex as a blind person is not appropriate
for a high
school student such as myself to read, why do the high schools we
go to
offer sex education classes as part of their curricula? If we are
not mature
enough to even read a question which has any sort of sexual
implication, why
is time set aside during the school year to have class
discussions about the
truth about sex? If we are to be so sheltered as to never even
learn the
first thing about sex until we are full-grown adults, why are our
parents
encouraged by their children's schools and just about everybody
else who
knows anything about the education of children to teach their
children about
sex at an early age? We learn about sex, and our parents are
encouraged (and
often do) teach us about it because it is a fact of life; it is a
part of
the real world, whether you like it or not. Too often young
people as young
as 13 or 14 are peer-pressured to have sex or to say or do
something that
has a sexual implication. This is why I believe it is important
that we
learn about sex at an early age; the good, the bad, and the ugly
of it. Then
we will be able to make a truly informed decision as to what we
will do in
regards to sex. Conversely, if we are sheltered, as you suggest,
and don't
learn the first thing about sex or similar subjects, we will not
be properly
prepared for the real world as it is today. While it is
important
that
parents teach their children morals, I believe it is equally
important that
they be honest with their children about what is really out there
in the
real world and the consequences of getting involved in things
like sex at an
early age. While I appreciate your efforts to keep the list free
of
inappropriate discussion and protect me and our other high school
students
from inappropriate content, I feel that you are doing it to the
extreme,
borderlining over-protectedness and sheltering. I joined this
list as well
as others knowing that I would be exposed to some parts of the
real world
which are somewhat adult in nature, but also knowing that I had
the option
not to comment on or follow those threads I felt uncomfortable
with reading,
and that there were many people on this list and others who are
much older
than I and therefore might talk about things I haven't been
exposed to as
much yet. But I don't have a problem with this, as I respect
everybody's
right to freedom of speech. In short, the fact of my being a
high
school
student as well as a member of this list should not and (in my
opinion) does
not restrict the freedom of speech of any other member of this
list to
discuss what he/she wants to discuss, as long as it remains on
topic for
this list; that is, that it has something to do with blindness
and/or being
a student. If the moderator feels that the discussion is
off-topic, he is
the one whose job it is to tell whoever started the discussion.
But just
don't use my age as support for your claim that something is
inappropriate
for this list.
Chris Nusbaum
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Joshua Lester
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2012 9:47 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
Koby: this is off topic, especially since there are high
schoolers on here.
Thanks, Joshua
________________________________________
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] on
behalf of
Koby [kobycox at gmail.com]
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2012 8:42 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Cc: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
All,
What should I do If this girl wants to have sex when I see her?
Koby
Sent from my iPhone
On Sep 6, 2012, at 12:53 AM, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com
wrote:
Hi, Arielle and all,
Jason is the love I thought I'd never have. YEs, we get on
each
other's nerves. YEs, he argues with me sometimes, but people
call him no
good, bad, really stupid, whuatever you say they say it about
him. I think
Jason has a sweet side to him. I love Jason so much and we met
in June.
His mom was able to pay for the flight, but I'm afraid she won't
this
December or so. I'm trying to make it easy for her to pay for it
again so I
can be down there with him. I want Jason to know that just
because he's
blind, heart issues and all that, that doesn't mean that his life
is over.
HE can marry, he can have a relationship, he can have kids if he
so desires,
and he may engage in sex if that's whuat he wants. Some men are
nervous
about sex and relationships, even Jason. But with the help of my
coaxing
and calm manner, he was able to enjoy himself with me. At least
he doesn't
engage in the trade of child porn and other inappropriate things
that
sighted men would engage in. He has a good sense of right and
wrong. He
loves chocolate for breakfast. (hee hee), though I prefer eggs
myself. If I
look back and turn the clock back, I see that I have not made a
bad choice
as some are led to believe. Honestly, I have insecurity issues,
and I see
myself at fault for a stupid email I sent to his mother because I
was truly
upset at sommething he did that was really inappropriate and I
don't want to
share with this list. I love Jason no matter what he does to me
or whuaft I
do to him. All I can do is say that it's emotionally trying not
having
Jason near me, but this relationship is good when the winds of
good fortune
blow in our direction. Arielle, Im glad at least you have a good
boyfriend.
Btw, for all of us, how can I make up with Jason's family without
sending an
email? I really want to see him again, and supposedly his mom
resents me
for sending that email. That's the only thing about the
relationship that I
don't like very much.
Beth
----- Original Message -----
From: Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Wed, 5 Sep 2012 23:01:32 -0600
Subject: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
Hi all,
Cindy, I generally agree with you about keeping this list to
blindness-related discussions. However, I do think
long-distance
dating issues like the one Koby brought up are perhaps more
relevant
to us blind students than they are for sighted students,
especially
those of us who are involved in the NFB. This is because, for
many
reasons, some of us want to date other blind/NFB people and
because
our community is so spread out, we may often end up in similar
situations where we have to decide if we want to enter a
long-distance
relationship with someone we know from this community. So I'd
like to
offer a brief response on-list and hope that others in similar
situations might find it helpful.
During college I was in a long-distance relationship with
someone I
met through NFB for about a year. In hindsight I do not regret
that
decision at all. I had fun, learned a lot and he and I are
still
friends. I will also say that parts of it were emotionally very
hard
to deal with--in my particular case an airplane ticket between
my
location and his cost nearly $500 and we did not see each other
for
five months, which was emotionally trying at times. I do not
think I
would do another long-distance relationship and my current
boyfriend
and I will be making an effort to ensure we will not have to be
living
in separate places for any length of time. However, again, I
enjoyed
the one experience I had overall and learned a lot from it. I
think if
you and this girl really like each other and you can find a way
to see
each other on a somewhat regular basis, there's no harm in
trying and
you can always decide later on to just be friends. However, it
is
something to give a little serious thought to before you make
that
kind of commitment. You also want to talk with her and make
sure
that
the two of you have similar expectations for how serious of a
relationship this will be and how often you will be able to see
each
other. It will be hard if one of you is much more enthused
about
the
relationship than the other. But if the two of you are
generally
on
the same page and are really committed to it, it can be fun.
Hope this helps,
Arielle
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