[nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit inwithsightedsocietyatsocial gatherings

Ashley Bramlett bookwormahb at earthlink.net
Sat Sep 15 22:04:45 UTC 2012


Beth,
I second Arielle's suggestion to get counseling. What happened to you was 
not acceptable. If you were engaging in imaginative play
as a princess there is nothing wrong with that. Of course, all little girls 
pretend  stuff.
It is normal at that age to do such a thing in fact.
I had lots of toys to play with, although I did not act as a princess. I 
played house and pretended to be a mother or an aunt. I also  pretended to 
be a doctor with my play doctor's kit. I pretended to be many things.

Your mom certainly did things wrong. I think its important to figure out 
what you want to do in life, go to school, and go for your goals.
You can also work on other deficits if you want to. Surely, NFB training 
centers address social skills, manners, and blindisms. I sure hope so!
You can also take other steps as Arielle mentioned to mitigate those social 
factors.
I know you mentioned problems with rehab before. If they give you problems, 
I'd get your state client assistance program involved. Also, turn to other 
resources such as charities for assistance. You said you won't take out 
student loans for religious reasons, but you can avail yourself of 
scholarships and grants.

My point is that we can always improve and go forward. Its hard with low 
self esteem, but we should do what we can to create opportunities for 
ourselves.
Perhaps volunteering in your community will help you feel better.

Ashley
-----Original Message----- 
From: Beth
Sent: Saturday, September 15, 2012 3:28 AM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit 
inwithsightedsocietyatsocial gatherings

Gee, Thanks, Ashley.  I never knew I could overcome these things
by hindsight.  Also, I am not sure of why things happened, but
whatever.  I can do anything if I set my mind to it, but social
norms to me are too much for girls.
Beth

----- Original Message -----
From: "Ashley Bramlett" <bookwormahb at earthlink.net
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Sat, 15 Sep 2012 02:02:57 -0400
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in
withsightedsocietyatsocial gatherings

Beth,
That's terrible. But keep in mind that that is an extreme
situation.
Parents can enforce social behavior without these extreme
behaviors on their
part.

Social norms is much much more than not rocking.
And, beth, if you want to, you can still improve your behavior.
One way to know if you are standing straight is to stand against
a wall. If
your head is straight and centered, it will be in the middle of
your
shoulders. You can draw an imaginary line between your ears and
shoulder
bones. I mean a straight line.
I found out this wall trick when my personal trainer from years
ago talked
about posture. Posture is important for anyone doing exercise.
So, she does
this talk and demo with everyone, not  just me. Its easy for
anyone to have
bad posture now since our society fosters sedintary living and we
work at
computers or slouch in front of tvs for relaxation. So, when we
exercise, we
bring some of these bad habits with us without knowing we did so.
If you feel your body needs some flexibility or better alignment,
you can
also ask a doctor about it and if needed get refered for physical
therapy.

Posture, balance, gait, and general gross motor activities should
be
addressed as children. Sometimes they are not or they are
addressed in the
wrong way.
This is why I believe a physical theripist for kids could help in
this
regard. They recognize imbalances early on and can go over
activities with
the child to improve their deficits. However, it may not be too
late as an
adult, particularly if you
are young.
As for talking out loud, my parents criticized this too.
I still do this in the privacy of my home, it helps me think
after all.
But what I try to do elsewhere is think these things instead of
saying them
out loud.

Ashley

-----Original Message-----
From: Beth
Sent: Saturday, September 15, 2012 1:32 AM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
sightedsocietyatsocial gatherings

Made some sense to me, Arielle.  I agree.  There are plenty of
people that are labeled "weird", as I was one of them.  My mother
repeatedly beat me on the head for moving it, screamed at me for
moving the head back and forth, and threatened violence for
talking out loud to either myself and people she didn't like.  If
a subject matter was not pleasing to my parents, they'd
rigorously criticize me for talking about such things as my love
life, certain elements of school, etc., and then there were the
things they didn't like altogether.  My bf thinks I'm making this
up, but when I was four, I was told that princesses weren't real
and I would never be one.  Well, little girls like to pretend,
and I was being a simple little girl, but my mother wanted a
woman out of me before I was ready for that.  Jason thinks the
emotional abuse that took place was all stories, but it's not.
Four-year-old girls play dress up, which is a social norm.  Is it
not?  Rhetorical question number one.  Number two: just because a
parent is sitting there picking apart your conversation about a
certain guy you like to a relative, does that mean you have to
abide by their rules for talking to relatives?  You can't talk
about your sweetheart to your family, says my mom or dad.  They
never knew the NFB philosophy or CCB.  I left them because of all
the fights over something they did that was totally wrong and
inconsiderate, and the way Florida VR wanted to play games with
my life.  When I say my mother threatened violence against my
head wagging or subject matter infractions, she would hit me hard
for doing so and cause a load of pain.  She would threaten to do
it again if I was caught moving it around.  She would often
threaten to put a sign around my neck saying "Keep your head
still."  That to me was pure hell.  A for the subject matters,
grounding or certain itemss taken away such as stereos or
Internet privilege even when I was over eighteen.
Beth

----- Original Message -----
From: Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 14 Sep 2012 22:26:52 -0600
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
sighted societyatsocial gatherings

Hi all,
I think it is absolutely critical to point out that "sighted
society"
is not a uniform group of people who all share identical norms,
attitudes and actions. If it were, there would be no wars, no
religious or political differences, no unique languages,
cultures,
customs, etc. Rather, "society" as a whole is divided into many
subgroups that all carry different norms. A few norms, like not
killing other people, are near-universal, but most customs
relating to
dress, mannerisms, speech, nonverbal communication, etc. differ
between cultures and sometimes between subgroups within a culture
(i.e. people dress differently in San Francisco  than they do in
Washington, D.C. and college students dress differently from
lawyers
etc.) It is impossible to teach blind people a universal set of
nonverbal behaviors to adopt even if we wanted to. And, I believe
that
blind people should have just as much right as sighted people to
make
informed choices about what kinds of norms to follow or not
follow,
just as women can choose whether to be stay-at-home mothers or to
work
even if being a working woman is not yet "the norm". Of course,
there
are consequences for failing to "blend in"  and look like
everybody
else, but sometimes there are things to be gained by doing this,
or
"blending in" is simply too difficult. As responsible adults we
need
to weigh the costs and benefits of following the norms for
specific
situations. For example, if I am interviewing for a job, it is
probably to my advantage to purchase and wear a suit. However, if
I am
doing something less high-stakes, and money is tight, I can
probably
get away with just wearing some nice slacks or a dress, even if
most
of the other people there are wearing suits.
I do think it is useful to give blind students information about
how
they can learn about the norms present in their particular
culture,
i.e. how to learn about the dress code for a new job, where to
read
about current fashions, etc. It is also good to provide a forum
for
students to ask questions if they wish to learn more about how to
blend in in specific situations. However, I do not think that
preaching to blind students about the importance of blending in
does
much good. The consequences of not blending in are self-evident,
and
again, blind students are responsible young adults who need to
come to
these decisions for ourselves.
Finally, I need to once again speak up on behalf of those blind
folks
who are labeled "weird" or "socially unskilled" by blind and
sighted
alike. As a community of blind people with common experiences, we
need
to stop passing judgment or trying to give these folks social
makeovers, and instead acknowledge that all of us are human
beings
with different levels of skill and ability in different areas. I
always find myself advocating for this often-misunderstood subset
of
the blind community because in some ways I am part of that group.
I
spent much of my childhood being labeled as socially inadequate,
struggled with a few different "blindisms" and today still deal
with
lifelong gait and posture issues, and challenges with attempting
eye
contact. Because of these things some may say I look more "blind"
than
the average successful blind person, yet I am a successful
graduate
student, financially self-sufficient and in a committed
relationship.
In my own case I am very very aware of the importance of blending
in
and of how "different" I look at times, because this was
emphasized to
me over and over again as a child. My issues are complicated and
I
have still not determined if the problems I have with posture and
balance are due to an over-protective home environment when I was
learning to walk, an as-yet-undiagnosed balance/coordination
impairment, or both. My problem with eye contact is related to
the
fact my vision is such that I feel like I am looking at someone's
face
when I am actually looking slightly down (and if I actually look
up
toward their face I see nothing). I can correct for this but it
takes
a ton of effort and focus for me to do so, so most of the time I
end
up looking down at someone instead of up at them even though I
have
been told hundreds of times how important it is  to attempt eye
contact. Some others in our community have additional
disabilities or
mental conditions that make "blending in" by our definition
practically impossible, yet these folks still have a lot to offer
in
their own way. My point is that so-called social skill deficits
like
these are often due to a lot more than just not knowing any
better or
being mentally deficient. It is important to recognize that all
members of our community have strengths and abilities of their
own,
even if they seem weak or deficient or even "weird" to us, and we
should do what we can to empower these people instead of using
them as
examples of what's wrong with our community as a whole. I hope
that
made some sense.
Best,
Arielle

On 9/14/12, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
I've tried to avoid getting into this thread, but here goes:
1. Blind people acting like sighted people scares the crap out
of
me because it just does for some reason.
2. Girls' conformity rules are terrible: for instance, girls
shouldn't be scientists.  What does that statement say about us
girls?  Girls should be married to men with decent jobs.  No, I
will not marry a man with any job so I can be taken care of, and
this isn't the friggin' 1800's.  Girls and women can take care
of
themselves, and they can work and support families.  Jason, my
current bf, does not work and can't do what society says, be a
man and work and get paid for the woman.  Some societies demand
that all men work and women stay home.  We, Americans though we
are, still have these demands on blind women.  I as a blind
woman
cannot accept conformity or defeat due to womanhood.  Since
Jason
can't work and follow society's rules of manhood, it's up to me
to do it.  Girls should not always do typing, nursing, or
different "womanly" professions where they get paid less than
ordinary men.  Jason, due to his disability, does not work.  I,
due to mental illness, may never work.  I want to work so bad,
but where?  Goodwill is out of the question.  I'm not working
for
nothing or low wages because I'm a woman.  And no way will I
accept sexual harassment because I have breasts and different
organs inside me.  I as a blind woman will not accept rules
saying "You will be taken care of.  You will be a stay-at-home
wife.  You will be poor."  No way.
Beth

  ----- Original Message -----
From: Marc Workman <mworkman.lists at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 14 Sep 2012 20:37:00 -0600
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
sighted societyat social gatherings

Chris wrote,
Therefore, it is important that we know the unwritten rules
which
our sighted society has made.  If we don't know them and follow
them, what does that say about us as blind people? It says we
are
weird, different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.

Alternatively, perhaps it says that those rules are not natural,
that they are the product of sighted people simply aping one
another, and that they are arbitrary. I believe that such
unwritten rules often needlessly cause huge amounts of anxiety,
self-loathing, and anguish.

We had a similar discussion on this list some time ago,
particularly around the subject of so called "blindisms, and I
put that term in quotes as a way of acknowledging that it is
pejorative. I'm sure it could be found on line by anyone who is
interested.

Personally, I would rather live in a world where blind people
are
accepted and respected not simply to the extent that they can
look and act like sighted people, but on the grounds that they
are human beings possessing dignity and as equally worthy of
respect as sighted people. The message shouldn't be, "hey, we
can
follow your rules, so you should accept us". Instead, the
message
should be, "we, like you, have many talents and weaknesses, feel
pleasure and pain, reach our full potential through the
formation
of deep and meaningful relationships with other human beings,
and
your failure to treat us with respect and as equals is unfair,
discriminatory, and immoral", to borrow from Mr. Lewis.

By the way, I think this goes well beyond blind people fitting
into sighted society. We are constantly policing one another's
behaviour. Probably one of the more obvious examples of this has
to do with gender. There are hundreds if not thousands of mostly
unspoken rules about what makes a man a man and how real men
ought to behave, and there are twice as many concerning women.
These rules are enforced in subtle but effective ways, and the
result is often a great deal of suffering for anyone who cannot,
or chooses not to, conform. These gender rules are just as
arbitrary as those around sighted/blind behaviour, and the
effort
similarly should be to relax and remove such rules, not to more
explicitly and fervently teach boys and girls the so called
right
way to act.

This is of course easier said than done, and failing to conform
does unfortunately often result in suffering, such as missed
social, volunteer, and employment opportunities. So I don't
judge
or condemn anyone who makes a serious effort to learn the
unwritten rules of sighted society, just as I don't judge
someone
who wants to spend all of his or her time reading medical
journals and desperately praying for a cure. It's hard being
blind in the particular society in which we live, and conforming
can make things a little bit easier. But I still think we should
work more on changing attitudes and less on teaching blind
people
how to look and act like sighted people.

Regards,

Marc
On 2012-09-14, at 3:04 PM, Chris Nusbaum
<dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> wrote:

  Hi Brandon and all,

  I'm taking the liberty here to change the subject of this
thread, as if we're going to discuss the topic which Brandon has
brought up in his post, I think it would prevent confusion if we
changed the subject to reflect the actual topic of Brandon's
message.

  Brandon, your idea about the NFB conducting some kind of
instructional seminar or workshop on social norms and how we can
"fit in" with the sighted public is a great one! I think you
should talk with the NFB leadership about this! I believe NOPBC
(the parents division) has touched on this topic in their
seminars at conventions.  One of the topics at the parents
seminar at the Maryland state convention is almost always social
skills, especially what sighted society has deemed socially
acceptable and how we as blind people can fit in at social
gatherings, conforming as best we can to the "norms" of society.
I believe this is arguably more important for blind students, as
we are often in social gatherings (or want to be in them) at our
schools, with our friends, or in our communities.  Therefore, it
is important  that we know the unwritten rules which our sighted
society has made.  If we don't know them and follow them, what
does that say about us as blind people? It says we are weird,
different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.  These are the
very adjectives we in the Federation have been working to cut
out
from the vocabulary of the public when in the context of
blindness and blind people.  In other words, these are the very
things we don't want sighted people thinking about us.  If this
is how sighted people perceive us, then it puts our ability to
get a job, volunteer in our community, and become first-class
citizens at risk.  So, I think this would be a great thing for
the NFB to do, and one which I'm kind of surprised we're not
doing already.  Also, since this is an important topic for blind
students, perhaps "social skills and norms" could be the topic
of
a future NABS membership call.

  Just my thoughts,

  Chris

  ----- Original Message -----
  From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
  To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
  Date sent: Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:15:16 -0700
  Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health

  Hello,
  We aren't promoting sex among students, we are promoting safe
sex.  There is
  a huge difference.  If the student division is the only one
with
some
  practical sense about sexual activities, I'm a little scared...
:)
  I do agree though, sex, dating and excepted socializing among a
sighted
  community is a very big topic that is often times ignored by
the
blind
  community.
  I have been told by sighted TVIs that many blind folks (youth
or
not) have
  some very strange mannerisms and beliefs that are totally
against the grain
  of sighted society.  My mom in particular, who is a TVI, has
suggested that
  the NFB should really give some instruction on how the sighted
world thinks.
  Otherwise what will happen (and what has happened) is the world
looks at a
  gathering of blind people and cringes because they are so
weird.
or a
  sighted girl sees a blind guy and thinks she wants to talk to
him and when
  she is about to sit down and say hi, the guy does something
really weird and
  she turns around and walks a mile away.
  This is a little different than the deal with the condoms, but
both sexual
  health and social issues are topics that are very much in need
of attention
  among blind individuals, and students in particular.
  I feel strongly that having some active workshops on this that
aren't meant
  to be uncomfortable, but still deal with the taboo problems
would greatly
  improve convention.
  Thank you,

  Brandon Keith Biggs
  -----Original Message-----
  From: Arielle Silverman
  Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:18 PM
  To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
  Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health

  Hi all,
  I have joked in the past about how NABS should sell Brailled
Whozit
  condoms at convention! Kidding aside, though, there are
probably
some
  NFB leaders with more conservative leanings, who might feel
that
NABS
  selling condoms at convention would be promoting sexual
activity
among
  young or unmarried blind students.  I don't agree with that
position,
  but some people do and since anything NABS does is, by
extension, an
  NFB-sanctioned event, we would need to balance the benefits of
  providing condoms against possibly upsetting the NFB leadership
or
  bringing on an unwanted political debate.
  I would be more likely to support a NABS breakout session, at
  Washington Seminar or elsewhere, about sexuality in general,
and
  perhaps include an opportunity to try putting a condom on the
  proverbial banana or some such.  When I was 15, I went to a
diversity
  camp (for sighted teens) and there was a sexuality workshop
available
  as one of several choices.  They passed around condoms and in
fact,
  this was the first time I actually felt one.  A general
workshop
about
  sex, dating and etiquette, etc.  might be worth having.
  Arielle

  On 9/10/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
wrote:
  Hello,
  This would be an awesome idea! Not only because many people
have
never
  seen

  a condom, so they could finger the packages with labels without
having to
  be

  embarrassed, but when I was at the hotel I didn't run into any
condoms in
  the store.  Granted I wasn't looking for them, but I was
browsing...
  Condoms,

  lube and Dental Dams, all labeled in Braille! We would also
probably need
  to

  provide guides for people on how to find the right way to put
on
a condom
  or

  use a dental dam.
  Another thing I didn't see at the NABS table is hot serial.
The
packing
  guide in the nabs newsletter  said to pack a ton of things and
I
for one
  don't keep hot serial in the house and I don't shop at places
that sell
  hot

  serial, so wasn't able to grab a box.  But I would have loved
to
buy a box
  for even $10 or more, the breakfasts there were $10 alone...
(Then of
  course

  we could sell bole and spoon packs for the poor folks who
didn't
bring
  their

  own utensil's).
  Thanks,

  Brandon Keith Biggs
  -----Original Message-----
  From: Anmol Bhatia
  Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:28 AM
  To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
  Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health


  You would be a good place to sell and buy condoms? At the NFB
  convention...

  Perhaps Nabs should sell condoms at the NABS table.  We can
even
braille
  them

  so the perso can know what kind of condoms they have.  lol

  Anmol

  I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me
sad.
Perhaps
  there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague,
like a breeze
  among flowers.
  Hellen Keller


  --- On Sun, 9/9/12, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
wrote:

  From: Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
  Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
  To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
  <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>, "National Association of Blind Students
mailing
  list"

  <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
  Date: Sunday, September 9, 2012, 10:54 PM
  Hi, Brandon,

  I went into a place in Denver to  buy a dildo yes, on
  the bigger, ribbed side to use in the old fashioned bath tub
  I had at the time, to get myself off with the faucet.
  Traditionally, I need something in my ass, to cum.  If I
  remember, the folks in their wer very cool, look at the
  blind girl going to by herself a dildo! Don't worry! If
  you're relaxed, and cool about what you're doing so will be
  the bookstore, personnel.  Let us know how goes it,
  okay?  At 04:52 PM 9/8/2012, SA Mobile wrote:
  Those are the best places to get stuff as the staff are
  professional and are trained to make customers feel at ease.
  Just make sure the shop is of good repute.

  Respectfully,
  Jedi

  Sent from my iPhone

  On 08/09/2012, at 12:36 PM, "Brandon Keith Biggs"
  <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
  wrote:

  Hello,
  Thank goodness my father was a nurse and when I
  turned 18, he said addio to being in with me at the doctor.
  I do find it amusing though that some doctors are actually
  really uncomfortable touching me because I'm blind...  That
  only happened after my dad started leaving the room.
  Thank you Arielle for those websites.  I don't feel
  that condoms are something I want to buy from a website I've
  never heard of before unless someone I know has gotten or
  knows that site is trust worthy.
  I was told that flavored condoms were only to be
  used in oral intercourse.  The same is not for lube I
  presume?
  Also, has anyone ever gone into a sex store? How
  was it as a blind shopper? Even from sighted people I hear
  the experience is often not pleasant.
  Thanks,

  Brandon Keith Biggs
  -----Original Message----- From: Arielle
  Silverman
  Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2012 10:00 AM
  To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
  Subject: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health

  Hi all,
  I know the recent discussions about sex and dating
  are kind of in a
  gray area as to whether or not they're on-topic
  for this list, since
  most of the issues Koby brought up are not really
  unique to blindness.
  So if the moderators or Dave feel this is getting
  too far afield, I
  will happily respect your judgment.  However, I
  also think that
  Brandon's question about where to get condoms is a
  legitimate one and
  that there might be other blind people out here,
  including teenagers,
  who have similar concerns about how to get
  condoms, birth control or
  sexual health information without a lot of
  awkwardness or
  embarrassment.  It can be particularly difficult if
  you have to depend
  on someone else (especially parents) for
  transportation which can make
  going to a clinic or drugstore difficult.
  There are a few places to buy condoms online,
  including
  www.condomania.com
  www.undercovercondoms.com
  and
  www.condomdepot.com
  Believe it or not, they also have some condom
  choices at
  www.amazon.com
  If you go to your health center on campus for any
  reason, it shouldn't
  be a problem  to ask a doctor or nurse there
  about condoms.
  I cannot answer the questions about when to begin
  having sex with a
  partner because that is a highly individual
  decision.  However, I feel
  it important that anyone who is considering having
  sex for the first
  time ensure you understand what all of your
  options are for preventing
  pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, the
  advantages and
  disadvantages of each option, and the proper way
  to use condoms  and
  birth control.  There are  a couple different
  websites with this kind
  of information:
  www.plannedparenthood.org
  (includes live chat with a sexual health educator)
  or
  www.scarleteen.com
  This issue is particularly close to my heart at
  the moment because my
  boyfriend's sister just had an unintended
  pregnancy at a very
  inopportune time (while still in college, with a
  guy she had only
  known for a few months) and was apparently taking
  birth control pills,
  but had not been taking them consistently.  While I
  don't believe that
  sex  should be feared, it is something that
  takes some responsibility,
  planning and foresight to ensure it is enjoyable
  while minimizing the
  risks.  Also, while I won't go into details here,
  there are other ways
  to be physically intimate with someone that are
  less risky, which
  these online forums will talk about.
  I also want to bring up  an issue that is
  somewhat relevant to sexual
  health, which I experienced and I think that some
  of you might also be
  struggling with.  This is the issue of having your
  parents drive you to
  doctors' appointments and then having them want to
  sit in or even
  participate in your appointments.  Since I attended
  college in my home
  city, my mother always wanted to drive me to my
  doctors' appointments
  and would then want to come in and chat with the
  doctor while he/she
  was examining me.  This was partly because my
  parents and I saw many of
  the same doctors and she often thought it was a
  good opportunity to
  ask the doctor a quick question about her own
  health while she was
  there, or because she was curious to see what the
  doctor recommended
  to me about a particular issue.  I eventually
  realized that while it
  wasn't ill-intentioned, it was a violation of my
  privacy as an adult
  patient and I asked her to wait in the waiting
  room while I was seeing
  the doctor.  I didn't actually take this stand
  until I was 21 and in
  hindsight I wish I had done  it much earlier.
  By the time you are 18,
  unless you have a serious cognitive disability,
  you have a right to
  privacy of your medical information and it is
  important to establish a
  good doctor-patient relationship without a third
  person interfering.
  This is especially true when it comes to sexual
  health and by the time
  you are 18 or even 16, you will want to start
  discussing your sexual
  activities or questions with your doctors without
  your parents being
  around.  You might also want to consider getting a
  driver or even
  taking the bus to medical appointments to avoid
  this problem.
  On a related note, by the time you are in high
  school, you should know
  the names of all medications you take on  a
  regular basis and any
  chronic medical conditions you may have.  If you
  ever have to go to the
  emergency room, this kind  of information may
  be requested of you.
  Best,
  Arielle

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