[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?

[Kaiti Shelton]

Hi all,

I have quite the puzzling situation on my hands, and I am not quite
sure how to handle it.  Thoughts?

Almost four years ago my mom and I went to this 3 day seminar for
students in the state voc rehab program with visual impairments.  This
Friday evening to Sunday morning seminar was designed to show students
and parents from around the state different employment options that
were available, ranging from vending and call center jobs to taking
the college route to get a degree in a two or four year program.  A
friend of mine and I, who lived close to each other, were hanging out
early on.   All of a sudden, this other girl was hanging all over him
and would not give him his personal space.  It was very odd,
considering that this was a very short period of time in which this
all happened.  Less than 24 hours after the students had met, my
friend was so creeped out by the almost constant and unwanted
attention that he began to avoid this girl.  Other students, seeing
how creeped out he was and some creeped out themselves due to the same
thing, ended up following suit.

I was sixteen at the time, and could feel for my friend.  The girl was
very much in my face a lot of the time too, but I was a bit more
patient with her throughout the weekend.  She seemed to be worse with
the guys than the girls too, so I had a little more space than my
friend.

About 3 months after the program in the summertime, she started
calling my house.  The parents at the program were given a list of the
other parents who attended, along with their phone numbers, so they
could swap resources if they so chose.  This girl got the list from
her parents, and was using it to call me and my friend, possibly other
students as well although I am not sure.  The calls started off being
about once every so often, then increased.  She was a very odd girl,
and liked to complain and cry about her problems to me and my friend.
There was nothing social about the calls, just complaining and
negativity, and mumbling which was really weird.  He quit talking to
her much sooner than I did because I tried to get her to see that
being visually impaired, (she didn't like the word blind since she was
a large print reader, and kind of used that to elivate herself above
other people), was not the worst thing in the world.  She would cry
and complain, and even tell me I didn't understand how bad things
were, when her descriptions of things made it sound like she was very
overdramatic.  I decided at the end of my junior year, a year after
the calls started coming, that I didn't want to talk to a downer, and
that I wasn't going to be able to convince her that blindness didn't
mean the end of the world.

The girl continued to call.  My senior year was very busy with
activities and preparing for college.  I would come home from marching
band practices to find my siblings quite frustrated because the girl
had kept calling, sometimes as much as 5 or 6 times in a span of a few
hours.  They didn't want to answer the phone because whenever someone
told her I wasn't home she would instantly get teary and mumble things
to herself, and it was very weird, but they didn't want her to
continue calling either.  I remember one night over Christmas break of
that year, she called and when I told her I was getting ready to leave
the house, which I was to go pick up someone coming in from out of
town for the holidays with my family, she got angry and wanted me to
give her my cell phone number.  I told her that I didn't want to give
it out, and she started to get upset.  Then I really had to go, and
there was the characteristic mumbling.

My parents have told me that for the past year and a half that I've
been in college that the girl has continued to call.  My mom has told
her that I live at school and do not come home much multiple times.
My younger siblings, in frustration, have told her that I've moved
away and have begun making up different things to tell her to try to
discourage her from calling.  She continues to call, and around
Christmas it is always terrible.  A few nights ago she called when my
parents were asleep a little after  11:00 at night, and has apparently
called and left messages late at night before.  My parents have to get
up very early for work, so In order to stop the ringing and to prevent
a message from playing over the machine I had to answer.  Everything
was exactly the same.  I was heading to bed myself, so I told her that
I was asleep when she asked for me.  The fact that she had called at
such a late hour didn't seem to phase her, there was just the mumbling
and usual stuff coming over the line.

I don't quite know what to do.  I've tried to be positive with her and
that hasn't worked.  My family has told her that I no longer live at
home and am away at school among other things in frustration, but
nothing seems to phase her.  I know she still calls my friend's house
as well, even though he does not live at home any more either.  I
don't quite know what to do about this.  I barely know her and she
barely knows me, and in spite of this I have tried to help her with no
success.  My parents and siblings have said that we should just block
her calls, but I have hesitated in doing this while I was in high
school because I didn't want to be mean, and then I honestly forgot
about her for the most part while I was at school last year and last
semester because I can't get calls from her there.  After the call a
few nights ago, I don't really know what to think.  I am slightly
creeped out that even after my parents have told her I am not home for
the past year and a half that the calls are still coming.  What do you
think I should do?

  --
Kaiti