[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?

Fri Dec 27 23:01:16 UTC 2013

Hi Katie.  My name is Dave.  I'm from California.  It actually sounds like
this girl may have a problem with depression.  I have bipolar and a long
while back I've done the same thing with people.  One of the things that
happens is when a person is going into a crisis with depression what happens
is they try to find a person who they totally feel comfortable with.  When
they find that person that usually is the only person that they'll talk to.
They won't talk to anyone else.  I've done that with people.  I try not to
but at times it just happens.  What to do about it?  That's a hard one.  I
don't think there is an easy answer.  Probably the best thing you can do is
to continue to be her friend.  I know how it is when you're depressed
believe me.  When my grandma died in January I was talking to this person
who I had met online and it sort of was the same thing but reversed in that
I was calling her a lot but the only difference was we were kind of involved
with eachother.  She eventually broke off the relationship.  It wasn't so
much me and what I was doing.  She knew I was going through a lot but she
had a mental illness as well so.  If you want you can mailm me off list and
we could talk about this more.  But.  Yea unfortunately there is not an easy
answer to this o		ne.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti Shelton
Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 2:30 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?

Hi all,

I have quite the puzzling situation on my hands, and I am not quite sure how
to handle it.  Thoughts?

Almost four years ago my mom and I went to this 3 day seminar for students
in the state voc rehab program with visual impairments.  This Friday evening
to Sunday morning seminar was designed to show students and parents from
around the state different employment options that were available, ranging
from vending and call center jobs to taking the college route to get a
degree in a two or four year program.  A friend of mine and I, who lived
close to each other, were hanging out
early on.   All of a sudden, this other girl was hanging all over him
and would not give him his personal space.  It was very odd, considering
that this was a very short period of time in which this all happened.  Less
than 24 hours after the students had met, my friend was so creeped out by
the almost constant and unwanted attention that he began to avoid this girl.
Other students, seeing how creeped out he was and some creeped out
themselves due to the same thing, ended up following suit.

I was sixteen at the time, and could feel for my friend.  The girl was very
much in my face a lot of the time too, but I was a bit more patient with her
throughout the weekend.  She seemed to be worse with the guys than the girls
too, so I had a little more space than my friend.

About 3 months after the program in the summertime, she started calling my
house.  The parents at the program were given a list of the other parents
who attended, along with their phone numbers, so they could swap resources
if they so chose.  This girl got the list from her parents, and was using it
to call me and my friend, possibly other students as well although I am not
sure.  The calls started off being about once every so often, then
increased.  She was a very odd girl, and liked to complain and cry about her
problems to me and my friend.
There was nothing social about the calls, just complaining and negativity,
and mumbling which was really weird.  He quit talking to her much sooner
than I did because I tried to get her to see that being visually impaired,
(she didn't like the word blind since she was a large print reader, and kind
of used that to elivate herself above other people), was not the worst thing
in the world.  She would cry and complain, and even tell me I didn't
understand how bad things were, when her descriptions of things made it
sound like she was very overdramatic.  I decided at the end of my junior
year, a year after the calls started coming, that I didn't want to talk to a
downer, and that I wasn't going to be able to convince her that blindness
didn't mean the end of the world.

The girl continued to call.  My senior year was very busy with activities
and preparing for college.  I would come home from marching band practices
to find my siblings quite frustrated because the girl had kept calling,
sometimes as much as 5 or 6 times in a span of a few hours.  They didn't
want to answer the phone because whenever someone told her I wasn't home she
would instantly get teary and mumble things to herself, and it was very
weird, but they didn't want her to continue calling either.  I remember one
night over Christmas break of that year, she called and when I told her I
was getting ready to leave the house, which I was to go pick up someone
coming in from out of town for the holidays with my family, she got angry
and wanted me to give her my cell phone number.  I told her that I didn't
want to give it out, and she started to get upset.  Then I really had to go,
and there was the characteristic mumbling.

My parents have told me that for the past year and a half that I've been in
college that the girl has continued to call.  My mom has told her that I
live at school and do not come home much multiple times.
My younger siblings, in frustration, have told her that I've moved away and
have begun making up different things to tell her to try to discourage her
from calling.  She continues to call, and around Christmas it is always
terrible.  A few nights ago she called when my parents were asleep a little
after  11:00 at night, and has apparently called and left messages late at
night before.  My parents have to get up very early for work, so In order to
stop the ringing and to prevent a message from playing over the machine I
had to answer.  Everything was exactly the same.  I was heading to bed
myself, so I told her that I was asleep when she asked for me.  The fact
that she had called at such a late hour didn't seem to phase her, there was
just the mumbling and usual stuff coming over the line.

I don't quite know what to do.  I've tried to be positive with her and that
hasn't worked.  My family has told her that I no longer live at home and am
away at school among other things in frustration, but nothing seems to phase
her.  I know she still calls my friend's house as well, even though he does
not live at home any more either.  I don't quite know what to do about this.
I barely know her and she barely knows me, and in spite of this I have tried
to help her with no success.  My parents and siblings have said that we
should just block her calls, but I have hesitated in doing this while I was
in high school because I didn't want to be mean, and then I honestly forgot
about her for the most part while I was at school last year and last
semester because I can't get calls from her there.  After the call a few
nights ago, I don't really know what to think.  I am slightly creeped out
that even after my parents have told her I am not home for the past year and
a half that the calls are still coming.  What do you think I should do?

  --
Kaiti

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