[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?

Beth Taurasi denverqueen1107 at comcast.net
Sat Dec 28 02:59:22 UTC 2013


Unfortunately, all my social quirks are whauft they are.  
Unfortunately, I know a guy in England who has a weird quirk or 
two, but that doesn't mean he can't say a word to me about other 
stuff.  Blindness issues?  Whoa.  I had blindness issues too.  
Like my chorus teacher refused admittance to me as accompanist 
and did not allow me to sing in the small Camorata singers.  I 
wasn't even allowed to sing in the Madrigal ensemble which was a 
dream of mine to do.  The big problem was that the director, and 
I'm not afraid to say his name, Tom Davis, was not educated 
enough to see that blind people could and should accompany a 
chorus.  That's a whole other subject, but such issues made me 
cry harder than rainstorms.
Beth

 ----- Original Message -----
From: Kaiti Shelton <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 27 Dec 2013 20:46:43 -0500
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... 
advice?

Hi,

I tried mentioning the idea of getting help to her, and it made 
her
upset.  She can get really mad at me when she thinks that I'm not
taking her seriously or are avoiding talking to her.

A lot of what she has told me about has been blindness stuff, but
there are some odd social tendencies that she has too.  She had 
some
issues with teachers in high school because she said they didn't 
take
her seriously and weren't treating her like everyone else, and 
she
also kept telling me that her "blind friends" that she made would 
stop
talking to her.  Often she would tell me this while she was 
crying, so
I couldn't understand what she was saying about the situation.  
Then
she told me her parents were going to make her see someone.  This 
was
in my senior year of high school.  The last time I actually 
talked to
her, things seemed pretty good.  She was saying she got a 
boyfriend,
so I thought things would be going better.

If she calls again I will offer her a help line number and see 
how
that goes, but I'm wondering if she will take that advice since 
she
was so opposed to therapy when I mentioned it to her in the past.

I do think a lot of her problems stem from a combination of 
blindness
issues and some social quirks, but I feel in those areas I've 
done and
said all I know to.  I will try this again and see what she does.

On 12/27/13, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com> wrote:
 Yea.  I still at times don't know how to deal with girls.  I 
have a
 tendency
 to move too fast at times when it comes to relationships.  I 
don't mean to
 embarrass you or anything but I also have a bit of a strange 
fettish which
 I've struggled with my whole life.  I've tried to tlak to 
therpists about
 it
 but I've noto been able to get them to help with it.  They don't 
want to
 touch it when it comes to talking about it.  So.

 -----Original Message-----
 From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
Beth Taurasi
 Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 4:53 PM
 To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
 Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to 
work... advice?

 Thanks for being honest, Dave.  Sexual advances in high school 
can be
 intimidating, and when I had to be the bold one and do the upper 
hand job
 of
 taking the initiative to attempt to go to prom or date, I was 
always
 accused
 of sexual harassment.  See the contact info at the bottom of the 
page
 email.
 Beth Taurasi
 Denver Colorado
 Skypename: denverqueen0920
 Email personal: thebluesisloose at gmail.com

  ----- Original Message -----
 From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
 To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
 <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
 Date sent: Fri, 27 Dec 2013 16:35:21 -0800
 Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to 
work...
 advice?

 Hi Beth.  One of the things that happened with me is during high 
school and
 stuff I never dated.  I never went to the prom or anything so I 
kind of
 knew
 how to deal with firls but not totally.  I've got sort of some 
weird stuff
 going on when it comes to sexual stuff  and all.  If you want 
you can email
 me off list because I don't want to post it  and I don't want 
the whole
 list
 to know.  Feel free to mail me or skype me if you want to talk 
more.

 -----Original Message-----
 From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
Beth Taurasi
 Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 4:30 PM
 To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
 Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to 
work...
 advice?

 Blocking is the only way to get a harasser off the phone, but 
there's
 something that blind people most often do not learn.  We are not 
often
 taught the proper way to deal with sexual advances nor are 
girls, in this
 case your case, taught to call boys.  My mother had an archaic 
view of
 girls, the sweet, quiet, shy kind.  Well, I've got bad news for 
all of us:
 Blake calls me online every day, but I call Blake on some 
occasions.  We
 have a balance of who calls whom, and Blake is aware of my 
problems.
 Perhaps the parents of the girl did not learn what the girl 
might have.
 She
 could be mentally unstable, mentally unable to deal with the 
advancement of
 others. She could also be creeping your friend out because she 
didn't learn
 the proper way to deal with boys.
 As for you, she's probably using you, Kaiti, to get to the boy.
 Please
 email me off list.  I have some tales to tell you about myself 
and what
 happened.  Do you have Skype?  I can give you that.
 Sincerely,
 Beth Taurasi
 NFB of Denver/Mile High Chapter,
 Denver, Colorado
 Skype ID: denverqueen0920

 On 12/27/2013 3:29 PM, Kaiti Shelton wrote:
  Hi all,

  I have quite the puzzling situation on my hands, and I am not 
quite sure
 how to handle it.  Thoughts?

  Almost four years ago my mom and I went to this 3 day seminar 
for students
 in the state voc rehab program with visual impairments.
  This Friday evening to Sunday morning seminar was designed to 
show
 students
 and parents from around the state different employment
 options
 that were available, ranging from vending and call center  > 
jobs to taking
 the college route to get a degree in a two or four  > year 
program.  A
 friend of mine and I, who lived close to each other,
  were hanging out early on.   All of a sudden, this other girl
 was
  hanging all over him and would not give him his personal space.
 It
 was very odd, considering that this was a very short period of 
time  > in
 which this all happened.  Less than 24 hours after the students
 had met,
 my friend was so creeped out by the almost constant and  > 
unwanted
 attention that he began to avoid this girl.  Other students,  > 
seeing how
 creeped out he was and some creeped out themselves due to  > the 
same
 thing,
 ended up following suit.

  I was sixteen at the time, and could feel for my friend.  The 
girl  > was
 very much in my face a lot of the time too, but I was a bit more
 patient
 with her throughout the weekend.  She seemed to be worse  > with 
the guys
 than the girls too, so I had a little more space than  > my 
friend.

  About 3 months after the program in the summertime, she started 
calling my
 house.  The parents at the program were given a list of  > the 
other
 parents
 who attended, along with their phone numbers, so  > they could 
swap
 resources if they so chose.  This girl got the list  > from her 
parents,
 and
 was using it to call me and my friend, possibly  > other 
students as well
 although I am not sure.  The calls started off
 being
 about once every so often, then increased.  She was a very odd  
> girl, and
 liked to complain and cry about her problems to me and my  > 
friend. There
 was nothing social about the calls, just complaining  > and 
negativity, and
 mumbling which was really weird.  He quit talking  > to her much 
sooner
 than
 I did because I tried to get her to see that  > being visually 
impaired,
 (she didn't like the word blind since she  > was a large print 
reader, and
 kind of used that to elivate herself  > above other people), was 
not the
 worst thing in the world. She would  > cry and complain, and 
even tell me I
 didn't understand how bad  > things were, when her descriptions 
of things
 made it sound like she  > was very overdramatic.  I decided at 
the end of
 my
 junior year, a  > year after the calls started coming, that I 
didn't want
 to
 talk to a  > downer, and that I wasn't going to be able to 
convince her
 that
 blindness didn't mean the end of the world.

  The girl continued to call.  My senior year was very busy with 
activities
 and preparing for college.  I would come home from  > marching 
band
 practices to find my siblings quite frustrated because  > the 
girl had kept
 calling, sometimes as much as 5 or 6 times in a  > span of a few 
hours.
 They didn't want to answer the phone because  > whenever someone 
told her I
 wasn't home she would instantly get teary  > and mumble things 
to herself,
 and it was very weird, but they didn't  > want her to continue 
calling
 either.  I remember one night over  > Christmas break of that 
year, she
 called and when I told her I was  > getting ready to leave the 
house, which
 I was to go pick up someone  > coming in from out of town for 
the holidays
 with my family, she got  > angry and wanted me to give her my 
cell phone
 number.  I told her  > that I didn't want to give it out, and 
she started
 to
 get upset.
  Then I really had to go, and there was the characteristic 
mumbling.

  My parents have told me that for the past year and a half that 
I've been
 in
 college that the girl has continued to call.  My mom has
 told her
 that I live at school and do not come home much multiple  > 
times. My
 younger siblings, in frustration, have told her that I've  > 
moved away and
 have begun making up different things to tell her to  > try to 
discourage
 her from calling.  She continues to call, and  > around 
Christmas it is
 always terrible.  A few nights ago she called  > when my parents 
were
 asleep
 a little after  11:00 at night, and has  > apparently called and 
left
 messages late at night before.  My parents  > have to get up 
very early for
 work, so In order to stop the ringing  > and to prevent a 
message from
 playing over the machine I had to  > answer.  Everything was 
exactly the
 same.  I was heading to bed  > myself, so I told her that I was 
asleep when
 she asked for me.  The  > fact that she had called at such a 
late hour
 didn't seem to phase  > her, there was just the mumbling and 
usual stuff
 coming over the  > line.

  I don't quite know what to do.  I've tried to be positive with 
her  > and
 that hasn't worked.  My family has told her that I no longer 
live
 at home
 and am away at school among other things in frustration, but  > 
nothing
 seems to phase her.  I know she still calls my friend's  > house 
as well,
 even though he does not live at home any more either.
  I don't quite know what to do about this.  I barely know her 
and she
 barely
 knows me, and in spite of this I have tried to help her with  > 
no success.
 My parents and siblings have said that we should just
 block her
 calls, but I have hesitated in doing this while I was in  > high 
school
 because I didn't want to be mean, and then I honestly  > forgot 
about her
 for the most part while I was at school last year  > and last 
semester
 because I can't get calls from her there. After  > the call a 
few nights
 ago, I don't really know what to think.  I am  > slightly 
creeped out that
 even after my parents have told her I am  > not home for the 
past year and
 a
 half that the calls are still  > coming.  What do you think I 
should do?

  -- Kaiti

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--
Kaiti

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