[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?

Sun Dec 29 22:22:52 UTC 2013

Hello Kaiti,
I'm glad you're thinking positively about the advice given through
this list. It's worth adding that, when you or members of your family
speak to her again, keep signs of distress or pleasure out of your
voices and mannerisms. If she hears signs of your good mood, it will
act as a distraction from her own fears, giving her an emotional
reason to keep calling you. If she hears stress and anxiety from you,
it will feed her own fears, giving her an emotional reason to keep
calling you.

We have suggested you recommend crisis lines, web based emotional
support services  and therapy to this girl. However, all of this is
clearly taking its toll on you and if you need emotional support
yourself, don't hesitate to avail of any available service. They are
open to anyone who needs them at any time. You have as much right to
support as anyone else. Even helpline volunteers need regular support
to deal with what they encounter.

Very best wishes,
Sandra.

On 12/29/13, Kaiti Shelton <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hi Melissa,
>
> The NFB Philosophy part came from my attempts to try to help her see
> that being blind is not the end of the world.  I think a lot of these
> issues are related to very low self-esteem in regards to being someone
> with a visual impairment, so that was what I tried to do to help her
> in the beginning.
>
> The whole thing just seemed so odd... The program we both attended was
> just a weekend thing, so by meeting this girl once I wouldn't even put
> her into the category of being an acquaintance.  It has been really
> difficult for me and my other friend to figure out why she has chosen
> to continually call us because we only were with her for a day and a
> half or so.
>
> I always make an effort to help and reach out to other students who
> are having trouble with their acceptance of blindness when I meet
> them, but my attempts just didn't work with her and there is nothing
> more I can do, especially since I'm not even home most of the time.  I
> appreciate the sound advice I've been given; sometimes that can be
> very good to hear, even in logical situations.
>
> On 12/28/13, Laurel and Stockard <laurel.stockard at gmail.com> wrote:
>> You know, seriously, if she's calling your house and bothering your
>> family,
>> and her own parents might not be aware, then call her parents and talk to
>> them. Tell them what happens when she calls, and that you wish her not to
>> call any more. I believe somebody said something to this effect already,
>> and
>> I agree. This way you're doing 3 things, you're in no uncertain terms
>> telling her to stop bothering you, you're also getting her some help in
>> the
>> form of letting her parents know what's going on, and they are in a much
>> better position to actually make her get help, and you in a round about
>> way
>> are showing that you care. You care enough to let somebody else in her
>> life
>> know what's happening so that she can get help.
>> jmo
>> Laurel
>> On Dec 28, 2013, at 2:48 PM, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>> Yea true.  I've had some problems like that in the past whare I had
>>> people
>>> calling me that I didn't want to talk to anymore.  I tried to contact
>>> the
>>> police and all of that and they just say just block her number.  They
>>> won't
>>> do anything.  Especially since they have more serious issues to deal
>>> with.
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of I. C. Bray
>>> Sent: Saturday, December 28, 2013 3:49 AM
>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work...
>>> advice?
>>>
>>> Dave,
>>> It is not so much that it is illegal, but that it is potentially
>>> dangerous
>>> for Kaiti .
>>>
>>> Stalking isn't illegal-- except when you have been warned and placed
>>> under
>>> a
>>> court order, but we all agree it is somewhat unnerving.. NO?
>>>
>>> I hear where you're coming from, but the point I think is Kaiti is
>>> beginning
>>> to feel in over her head.
>>>
>>> Bless you for being sensitive, Kaiti, but sometimes you have to  be
>>> firm.
>>>
>>> Ian
>>>
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
>>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 9:45 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work...
>>> advice?
>>>
>>>
>>> :I wouldn't go that far.  Per haps her parents know what she's doing.  I
>>> mean
>>> : it was her parents that gave her the list of people anyhow.
>>> Authorities
>>> : won't do much sh'es not doing anything that's against the law.
>>> :
>>> : -----Original Message-----
>>> : From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lillie
>>> : Pennington
>>> : Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 6:10 PM
>>> : To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> : Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work...
>>> advice?
>>> :
>>> : I hate to suggest this, but have you tried getting in touch with her
>>> parents
>>> : or other authorities in her area? This is sort of an extreme option
>>> but
>>>
>>> you
>>> : may need to take such actions.
>>> :
>>> : Sent from my iPhone
>>> :
>>> : > On Dec 27, 2013, at 8:46 PM, Kaiti Shelton
>>> <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com>
>>> : wrote:
>>> : >
>>> : > Hi,
>>> : >
>>> : > I tried mentioning the idea of getting help to her, and it made her
>>> : > upset.  She can get really mad at me when she thinks that I'm not
>>> : > taking her seriously or are avoiding talking to her.
>>> : >
>>> : > A lot of what she has told me about has been blindness stuff, but
>>> : > there are some odd social tendencies that she has too.  She had some
>>> : > issues with teachers in high school because she said they didn't
>>> take
>>> : > her seriously and weren't treating her like everyone else, and she
>>> : > also kept telling me that her "blind friends" that she made would
>>> stop
>>> : > talking to her.  Often she would tell me this while she was crying,
>>> so
>>> : > I couldn't understand what she was saying about the situation.  Then
>>> : > she told me her parents were going to make her see someone.  This
>>> was
>>> : > in my senior year of high school.  The last time I actually talked
>>> to
>>> : > her, things seemed pretty good.  She was saying she got a boyfriend,
>>> : > so I thought things would be going better.
>>> : >
>>> : > If she calls again I will offer her a help line number and see how
>>> : > that goes, but I'm wondering if she will take that advice since she
>>> : > was so opposed to therapy when I mentioned it to her in the past.
>>> : >
>>> : > I do think a lot of her problems stem from a combination of
>>> blindness
>>> : > issues and some social quirks, but I feel in those areas I've done
>>> and
>>> : > said all I know to.  I will try this again and see what she does.
>>> : >
>>> : >> On 12/27/13, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> : >> Yea.  I still at times don't know how to deal with girls.  I have a
>>> : >> tendency to move too fast at times when it comes to relationships.
>>> I
>>> : >> don't mean to embarrass you or anything but I also have a bit of a
>>> : >> strange fettish which I've struggled with my whole life.  I've
>>> tried
>>> : >> to tlak to therpists about it but I've noto been able to get them
>>> to
>>> : >> help with it.  They don't want to touch it when it comes to talking
>>> : >> about it.  So.
>>> : >>
>>> : >> -----Original Message-----
>>> : >> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Beth
>>> : >> Taurasi
>>> : >> Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 4:53 PM
>>> : >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> :
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>>
>>
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>
>
> --
> Kaiti
>
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