[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?

Mon Dec 30 03:48:38 UTC 2013

Good evening, Sandy,

Or, you could try projecting love and patience to this girl for, you 
hafta imagine a cold, non reaction is what she's used to receiving. 
Doesn't it continue to seem that this girl is reaching out, looking 
for a shoulder to cry on? Can't we be human once in a whiole?
for today, Car

2013, Sandra Gayer wrote:
>Hello Kaiti,
>I'm glad you're thinking positively about the advice given through
>this list. It's worth adding that, when you or members of your family
>speak to her again, keep signs of distress or pleasure out of your
>voices and mannerisms. If she hears signs of your good mood, it will
>act as a distraction from her own fears, giving her an emotional
>reason to keep calling you. If she hears stress and anxiety from you,
>it will feed her own fears, giving her an emotional reason to keep
>calling you.
>
>We have suggested you recommend crisis lines, web based emotional
>support services  and therapy to this girl. However, all of this is
>clearly taking its toll on you and if you need emotional support
>yourself, don't hesitate to avail of any available service. They are
>open to anyone who needs them at any time. You have as much right to
>support as anyone else. Even helpline volunteers need regular support
>to deal with what they encounter.
>
>Very best wishes,
>Sandra.
>
>On 12/29/13, Kaiti Shelton <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com> wrote:
> > Hi Melissa,
> >
> > The NFB Philosophy part came from my attempts to try to help her see
> > that being blind is not the end of the world.  I think a lot of these
> > issues are related to very low self-esteem in regards to being someone
> > with a visual impairment, so that was what I tried to do to help her
> > in the beginning.
> >
> > The whole thing just seemed so odd... The program we both attended was
> > just a weekend thing, so by meeting this girl once I wouldn't even put
> > her into the category of being an acquaintance.  It has been really
> > difficult for me and my other friend to figure out why she has chosen
> > to continually call us because we only were with her for a day and a
> > half or so.
> >
> > I always make an effort to help and reach out to other students who
> > are having trouble with their acceptance of blindness when I meet
> > them, but my attempts just didn't work with her and there is nothing
> > more I can do, especially since I'm not even home most of the time.  I
> > appreciate the sound advice I've been given; sometimes that can be
> > very good to hear, even in logical situations.
> >
> > On 12/28/13, Laurel and Stockard <laurel.stockard at gmail.com> wrote:
> >> You know, seriously, if she's calling your house and bothering your
> >> family,
> >> and her own parents might not be aware, then call her parents and talk to
> >> them. Tell them what happens when she calls, and that you wish her not to
> >> call any more. I believe somebody said something to this effect already,
> >> and
> >> I agree. This way you're doing 3 things, you're in no uncertain terms
> >> telling her to stop bothering you, you're also getting her some help in
> >> the
> >> form of letting her parents know what's going on, and they are in a much
> >> better position to actually make her get help, and you in a round about
> >> way
> >> are showing that you care. You care enough to let somebody else in her
> >> life
> >> know what's happening so that she can get help.
> >> jmo
> >> Laurel
> >> On Dec 28, 2013, at 2:48 PM, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com> wrote:
> >>
> >>> Yea true.  I've had some problems like that in the past whare I had
> >>> people
> >>> calling me that I didn't want to talk to anymore.  I tried to contact
> >>> the
> >>> police and all of that and they just say just block her number.  They
> >>> won't
> >>> do anything.  Especially since they have more serious issues to deal
> >>> with.
> >>>
> >>> -----Original Message-----
> >>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of I. C. Bray
> >>> Sent: Saturday, December 28, 2013 3:49 AM
> >>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work...
> >>> advice?
> >>>
> >>> Dave,
> >>> It is not so much that it is illegal, but that it is potentially
> >>> dangerous
> >>> for Kaiti .
> >>>
> >>> Stalking isn't illegal-- except when you have been warned and placed
> >>> under
> >>> a
> >>> court order, but we all agree it is somewhat unnerving.. NO?
> >>>
> >>> I hear where you're coming from, but the point I think is Kaiti is
> >>> beginning
> >>> to feel in over her head.
> >>>
> >>> Bless you for being sensitive, Kaiti, but sometimes you have to  be
> >>> firm.
> >>>
> >>> Ian
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> ----- Original Message -----
> >>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
> >>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> >>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> >>> Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 9:45 PM
> >>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work...
> >>> advice?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> :I wouldn't go that far.  Per haps her parents know what she's doing.  I
> >>> mean
> >>> : it was her parents that gave her the list of people anyhow.
> >>> Authorities
> >>> : won't do much sh'es not doing anything that's against the law.
> >>> :
> >>> : -----Original Message-----
> >>> : From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lillie
> >>> : Pennington
> >>> : Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 6:10 PM
> >>> : To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >>> : Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work...
> >>> advice?
> >>> :
> >>> : I hate to suggest this, but have you tried getting in touch with her
> >>> parents
> >>> : or other authorities in her area? This is sort of an extreme option
> >>> but
> >>>
> >>> you
> >>> : may need to take such actions.
> >>> :
> >>> : Sent from my iPhone
> >>> :
> >>> : > On Dec 27, 2013, at 8:46 PM, Kaiti Shelton
> >>> <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com>
> >>> : wrote:
> >>> : >
> >>> : > Hi,
> >>> : >
> >>> : > I tried mentioning the idea of getting help to her, and it made her
> >>> : > upset.  She can get really mad at me when she thinks that I'm not
> >>> : > taking her seriously or are avoiding talking to her.
> >>> : >
> >>> : > A lot of what she has told me about has been blindness stuff, but
> >>> : > there are some odd social tendencies that she has too.  She had some
> >>> : > issues with teachers in high school because she said they didn't
> >>> take
> >>> : > her seriously and weren't treating her like everyone else, and she
> >>> : > also kept telling me that her "blind friends" that she made would
> >>> stop
> >>> : > talking to her.  Often she would tell me this while she was crying,
> >>> so
> >>> : > I couldn't understand what she was saying about the situation.  Then
> >>> : > she told me her parents were going to make her see someone.  This
> >>> was
> >>> : > in my senior year of high school.  The last time I actually talked
> >>> to
> >>> : > her, things seemed pretty good.  She was saying she got a boyfriend,
> >>> : > so I thought things would be going better.
> >>> : >
> >>> : > If she calls again I will offer her a help line number and see how
> >>> : > that goes, but I'm wondering if she will take that advice since she
> >>> : > was so opposed to therapy when I mentioned it to her in the past.
> >>> : >
> >>> : > I do think a lot of her problems stem from a combination of
> >>> blindness
> >>> : > issues and some social quirks, but I feel in those areas I've done
> >>> and
> >>> : > said all I know to.  I will try this again and see what she does.
> >>> : >
> >>> : >> On 12/27/13, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com> wrote:
> >>> : >> Yea.  I still at times don't know how to deal with girls.  I have a
> >>> : >> tendency to move too fast at times when it comes to relationships.
> >>> I
> >>> : >> don't mean to embarrass you or anything but I also have a bit of a
> >>> : >> strange fettish which I've struggled with my whole life.  I've
> >>> tried
> >>> : >> to tlak to therpists about it but I've noto been able to get them
> >>> to
> >>> : >> help with it.  They don't want to touch it when it comes to talking
> >>> : >> about it.  So.
> >>> : >>
> >>> : >> -----Original Message-----
> >>> : >> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Beth
> >>> : >> Taurasi
> >>> : >> Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 4:53 PM
> >>> : >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >>> :
> >>> : _______________________________________________
> >>> : nabs-l mailing list
> >>> : nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>> : http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> >>> : To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> >>> : nabs-l:
> >>> :
> >>> 
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/dwebster125%40gmail.com
> >>> :
> >>> :
> >>> : _______________________________________________
> >>> : nabs-l mailing list
> >>> : nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>> : http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> >>> : To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> >>> nabs-l:
> >>> : http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/i.c.bray%40win.net
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> _______________________________________________
> >>> nabs-l mailing list
> >>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> >>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> >>> nabs-l:
> >>> 
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/dwebster125%40gmail.com
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> _______________________________________________
> >>> nabs-l mailing list
> >>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> >>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> >>> nabs-l:
> >>> 
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/laurel.stockard%40gmail.com
> >>
> >>
> >> _______________________________________________
> >> nabs-l mailing list
> >> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> >> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> >> nabs-l:
> >> 
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/crazy4clarinet104%40gmail.com
> >>
> >
> >
> > --
> > Kaiti
> >
> > _______________________________________________
> > nabs-l mailing list
> > nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> > http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> > To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> > nabs-l:
> > 
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/sandragayer7%40gmail.com
> >
>
>
>--
>Soprano Singer
>  www.sandragayer.com
>
>Broadcast Presenter
>
>www.insightradio.co.uk/music-box.html
>
>_______________________________________________
>nabs-l mailing list
>nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for nabs-l:
>http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/carlymih%40comcast.net