[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.

Wed Feb 13 03:15:04 UTC 2013

having seen a great deal of stories I can say you're completely right when you speak of preference.
For me, the distance is never the main factor as to why a relationship fails, it is merely what puts in evidence all the other concerns an individual might have.
A lot of the claims made usually which go against this type of involvement have to do with cheating and mistrust, and those to me are, personally, without much validity, for your boy friend you see everyday could be involved with your cousins without you even realizing it.
What I do believe makes a difference though is that distance relationships require a tremendous amount of communication and openness, and this type of relationship collapses much faster without those factors on task and working.
it also depends a great deal on who your  partner is: For me there have been people with whom I related easily in long distance, while with others it just did not work.
Let me point out something I really like of what you say however: You mentioned several times your wish of getting to know him, and your curiosity regarding this experience.
I believe that any relationship, regardless of where it is going, must involve personal, non technology related contact, if not immediately, soon after according to the people's capabilities.
Sadly, a lot of members in our blind community seem to invalidate the importance of this physical contact because it involves breaking barriers, and this invalidation is what creates a great deal of misconceptions about long distance relationships.

Thank you for sharing your story with us,

Mauricio 
On Feb 12, 2013, at 10:00 PM, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hi,
> Regarding long distance relationships, I think that's a highly
> personal preference. For some people, it works out well, for others,
> like myself, I can't imagine it working at all, particularly if the
> person I was dating lived in another country.
> In my opinion, relationships are a delicate balance of physical,
> emotional and spiritual aspects. If one of these is missing or
> severely limited, the relationship becomes restricted and stagnant.
> Having said that, distance definitely is not always a factor in how or
> why relationships suffer. But if you only talk on the phone, I can't
> help but think you have nothing more than a very close friendship
> which could potentially evolve into something deeper if one of you
> picks up and moves to be with the other. But making that kind of
> sacrifice, leaving friends and family, culture and comfort, certainly
> isn't a decision that most people take lightly, nor should it be. If
> two people truly love each other, that sacrifice has to be made by one
> of them. But it could just as easily backfire and lead to resentment
> and loss, no matter how strong their love is.
> However, maybe if you're only in high school, this doesn't matter to
> you, and you're content with the way things are. Perhaps keeping a
> relationship at half the world's length helps with some of the
> awkwardness, sexual temptations, and uncertainty associated with
> adolescent relationships. When I was a little younger, I know the idea
> of a long-distance relationship seemed a lot more feasible than it
> does now that I'm 23.
> About a year ago, I came face to face with my convictions in a big
> way. I met someone online through a game we both played at the time.
> He's from the Philippines, and we hit it off well. He was a bit older,
> but not by a ridiculous amount, so I didn't care about that. We seemed
> to be on the same level, mentally and emotionally; we had similar
> taste in music, which is a huge plus for me since I spend a good
> portion of my life talking about music; we gave each other advice with
> personal problems; we began to scratch the surface of getting to know
> each other. But, in those few months that we talked, I was constantly
> waging war within myself. Since we only chatted through text, how was
> I to know that he was who he appeared to be? Even if we had used
> Skype, I'm not sure I would have been completely convinced. A person's
> voice tells a thousand stories, even if the words never actually come
> to pass; the stories that are told are subtle signals that prove a
> person's trustworthiness and personality. It's all in how they speak,
> their tone, and how they present themselves. Some would call this
> judgmental, but I've learned to trust my instincts in this regard. If
> I hear a person speak for the first time, and alarm bells go off in my
> head, I now know to be careful and to keep my distance, because the
> few times I've ignored the warnings my soul sent out, I ended up
> getting hurt and violated. So, deprived of even this small comfort, I
> drove myself nearly insane thinking of the what if's. Playing every
> possible scenario over and over again in my mind of who he was. My
> dreams were permeated by images of who I wanted him to be. In my
> dreams, he was everything I wanted in a boyfriend and more. And when I
> woke up in the morning, I felt cold, hollow, and cheap. Finally, I
> just turned tail and ran. I offered no explanation. I simply stopped
> talking to him. I stopped playing the game I had previously loved
> where we met. Too many reminders, and besides, I would surely run into
> him there. He never did try to contact me. I sometimes wonder if
> perhaps he felt the same way, although I don't believe in things like
> hope, so I try not to think of that.
> But you know what? Even though it's been almost a year since I last
> spoke to him, I still think of him a lot. I still miss him. I still
> wonder what might have been, if he weren't so hopelessly out of reach.
> I think of scenarios, like meeting him at a bar where his band played,
> or what it would be like to travel to his country, to absorb the
> culture and get to know a world vastly different from the often
> mundane drabness of my own. If we had hooked up locally, I'm positive
> I would have loved him. Who can tell what he thought? I since found
> out he was dating someone through a friend who also played the online
> game we all played, and I took that like it was a direct blow to my
> heart. That's what scares me the most. I'm not usually so dramatic.
> Cautious to the point of paranoia, yes. But I've never completely lost
> it over the illusion of someone who might not even exist before.
> That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Long distance relationships
> are definitely not for me. On the other hand, my sister is in one, and
> she seems happy enough with it. Of course, they're both sighted, which
> may or may not make a difference in the grand scheme of things. He's
> also, at least, a US citizen, which makes it easier. He's been here
> several times, and he's a perfectly nice guy. I wish them both the
> best, and I'm glad it's working out for them. Which brings me back to
> my main point: if a long distance relationship is in the cards for
> you, take it for all it's worth. If it isn't...well, don't let
> trendsetters tell you that you're technologically backward or
> prejudiced. It is what it is. It's just another preference in the
> range of acceptable human behavior in relationships.
> 
> On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives
>> in Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just
>> chat through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other
>> since we started being a couple. It's different, but it's
>> feasible. A few bad experiences isn't enough to say you hate
>> relationships. I believe that there is someone out there for
>> everyone; it just takes time.
>> 
>> Sincerely,
>> Sophie
>> 
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
>> list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
>> list.
>> 
>> I cry every day.  I hate relationships, especially long whtance
>> ones they never work.
>> 
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
>> list.
>> 
>> Yea thanks.  I think she did get scared but we had actually
>> talked about
>> that.  I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure.  Its gonna
>> take some
>> time to get over this.  I've been going through a lot of crying
>> spells.
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
>> Gloria G
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
>> list.
>> 
>> Hi,
>> I am so sorry that happened to you.  You seem like a really nice
>> guy and I
>> think she just got scared.  Maybe after things cool off you guys
>> can talk and
>> figure out what happened.  Well I hope you feel better.  Try
>> doing something
>> that is fun for you just to get your mind off things.
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
>> Subject: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the list.
>> 
>> 
>> Hello all.  I'm Dave.  I am not a student right now.  I have
>> bipolar
>> and am unable to handle the stress of going to school.  I know
>> that
>> this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to post it
>> anyhow.
>> I just got out of a relationship.  It was a long distance one
>> whare
>> she lives in Michigan and I in California.  We started talking
>> at the
>> beginning of January right after new years.  We didn't mean to
>> but we
>> started to hit it off really really well.  About a week or so
>> later
>> she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan to
>> see
>> her.  If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna stay
>> and be
>> with her.  Right now I live in a board and care facility.  It
>> turns
>> out that for a couple of weeks probably when she bought the
>> tickets or
>> pretty soonn after she began having doubts and fears about the
>> relationship.  I had my doubts and had my fears as well and knew
>> this
>> was a normal thing.  We talked about them but a few days later
>> she
>> called the relationship off because there were some symptoms
>> which
>> were rather minor ones that she said she couldn't handle.  It
>> turns
>> out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy in Colorado.
>> Mind
>> you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but
>> I feel
>> like we had something.  I feel like my emotions were played with
>> and
>> I'm really hurt.  I was just wondering if any of you who want to
>> could
>> help me through this.  I've been going through a lot of crying
>> spells.
>> During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma.  She was 90
>> and
>> had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the
>> tenth.
>> So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
>> Loosing my
>> grandma and loosing Terri.  Terri was someone that I could love
>> and
>> did love and still do.  I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
>> This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as
>> well
>> and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
>> Maybe
>> if any of you want to we could talk off list.  I've been going
>> through
>> a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through them.
>> My
>> friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they
>> may
>> not be able to understand what's going on.  I feel like I wasn't
>> good
>> enough for her.  I'm just really really hurt.
>> 
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>> 
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> 
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