[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Dave Webster
dwebster125 at gmail.com
Wed Feb 13 03:47:32 UTC 2013
Hello listers. Thanks for all of the great posts. I know now that long
distance relationships don't usually work. I should have listened to my
instincts as well but I didn't. it will take time to get over all the pain
but eventually I'll get over it. We decided that we shouldn't talk for a
while. This way both of us can heal. Its hard though.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Joshua Lester
Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 7:09 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Hi Desiree!
As usual, great post!
I'd rather have a relationship with someone locally, and I'd rather meet
them in person, as opposed to online.
I know some people have success with online dating, but there are also
disadvantages.
We've discussed this stuff to death on here before.
Blessings, Joshua
________________________________________
From: nabs-l [nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] on behalf of Desiree Oudinot
[turtlepower17 at gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 9:00 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Hi,
Regarding long distance relationships, I think that's a highly personal
preference. For some people, it works out well, for others, like myself, I
can't imagine it working at all, particularly if the person I was dating
lived in another country.
In my opinion, relationships are a delicate balance of physical, emotional
and spiritual aspects. If one of these is missing or severely limited, the
relationship becomes restricted and stagnant.
Having said that, distance definitely is not always a factor in how or why
relationships suffer. But if you only talk on the phone, I can't help but
think you have nothing more than a very close friendship which could
potentially evolve into something deeper if one of you picks up and moves to
be with the other. But making that kind of sacrifice, leaving friends and
family, culture and comfort, certainly isn't a decision that most people
take lightly, nor should it be. If two people truly love each other, that
sacrifice has to be made by one of them. But it could just as easily
backfire and lead to resentment and loss, no matter how strong their love
is.
However, maybe if you're only in high school, this doesn't matter to you,
and you're content with the way things are. Perhaps keeping a relationship
at half the world's length helps with some of the awkwardness, sexual
temptations, and uncertainty associated with adolescent relationships. When
I was a little younger, I know the idea of a long-distance relationship
seemed a lot more feasible than it does now that I'm 23.
About a year ago, I came face to face with my convictions in a big way. I
met someone online through a game we both played at the time.
He's from the Philippines, and we hit it off well. He was a bit older, but
not by a ridiculous amount, so I didn't care about that. We seemed to be on
the same level, mentally and emotionally; we had similar taste in music,
which is a huge plus for me since I spend a good portion of my life talking
about music; we gave each other advice with personal problems; we began to
scratch the surface of getting to know each other. But, in those few months
that we talked, I was constantly waging war within myself. Since we only
chatted through text, how was I to know that he was who he appeared to be?
Even if we had used Skype, I'm not sure I would have been completely
convinced. A person's voice tells a thousand stories, even if the words
never actually come to pass; the stories that are told are subtle signals
that prove a person's trustworthiness and personality. It's all in how they
speak, their tone, and how they present themselves. Some would call this
judgmental, but I've learned to trust my instincts in this regard. If I hear
a person speak for the first time, and alarm bells go off in my head, I now
know to be careful and to keep my distance, because the few times I've
ignored the warnings my soul sent out, I ended up getting hurt and violated.
So, deprived of even this small comfort, I drove myself nearly insane
thinking of the what if's. Playing every possible scenario over and over
again in my mind of who he was. My dreams were permeated by images of who I
wanted him to be. In my dreams, he was everything I wanted in a boyfriend
and more. And when I woke up in the morning, I felt cold, hollow, and cheap.
Finally, I just turned tail and ran. I offered no explanation. I simply
stopped talking to him. I stopped playing the game I had previously loved
where we met. Too many reminders, and besides, I would surely run into him
there. He never did try to contact me. I sometimes wonder if perhaps he felt
the same way, although I don't believe in things like hope, so I try not to
think of that.
But you know what? Even though it's been almost a year since I last spoke to
him, I still think of him a lot. I still miss him. I still wonder what might
have been, if he weren't so hopelessly out of reach.
I think of scenarios, like meeting him at a bar where his band played, or
what it would be like to travel to his country, to absorb the culture and
get to know a world vastly different from the often mundane drabness of my
own. If we had hooked up locally, I'm positive I would have loved him. Who
can tell what he thought? I since found out he was dating someone through a
friend who also played the online game we all played, and I took that like
it was a direct blow to my heart. That's what scares me the most. I'm not
usually so dramatic.
Cautious to the point of paranoia, yes. But I've never completely lost it
over the illusion of someone who might not even exist before.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Long distance relationships are
definitely not for me. On the other hand, my sister is in one, and she seems
happy enough with it. Of course, they're both sighted, which may or may not
make a difference in the grand scheme of things. He's also, at least, a US
citizen, which makes it easier. He's been here several times, and he's a
perfectly nice guy. I wish them both the best, and I'm glad it's working out
for them. Which brings me back to my main point: if a long distance
relationship is in the cards for you, take it for all it's worth. If it
isn't...well, don't let trendsetters tell you that you're technologically
backward or prejudiced. It is what it is. It's just another preference in
the range of acceptable human behavior in relationships.
On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
> Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives in
> Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just chat
> through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other since we
> started being a couple. It's different, but it's feasible. A few bad
> experiences isn't enough to say you hate relationships. I believe that
> there is someone out there for everyone; it just takes time.
>
> Sincerely,
> Sophie
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
> list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>
> I cry every day. I hate relationships, especially long whtance ones
> they never work.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>
> Yea thanks. I think she did get scared but we had actually talked
> about that. I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure. Its gonna
> take some time to get over this. I've been going through a lot of
> crying spells.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gloria G
> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>
> Hi,
> I am so sorry that happened to you. You seem like a really nice guy
> and I think she just got scared. Maybe after things cool off you guys
> can talk and figure out what happened. Well I hope you feel better.
> Try doing something that is fun for you just to get your mind off
> things.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
> Subject: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>
>
> Hello all. I'm Dave. I am not a student right now. I have bipolar
> and am unable to handle the stress of going to school. I know that
> this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to post it anyhow.
> I just got out of a relationship. It was a long distance one whare
> she lives in Michigan and I in California. We started talking at the
> beginning of January right after new years. We didn't mean to but we
> started to hit it off really really well. About a week or so later
> she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan to see
> her. If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna stay and be
> with her. Right now I live in a board and care facility. It turns
> out that for a couple of weeks probably when she bought the tickets or
> pretty soonn after she began having doubts and fears about the
> relationship. I had my doubts and had my fears as well and knew this
> was a normal thing. We talked about them but a few days later she
> called the relationship off because there were some symptoms which
> were rather minor ones that she said she couldn't handle. It turns
> out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy in Colorado.
> Mind
> you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but I
> feel like we had something. I feel like my emotions were played with
> and I'm really hurt. I was just wondering if any of you who want to
> could help me through this. I've been going through a lot of crying
> spells.
> During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma. She was 90 and
> had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the tenth.
> So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
> Loosing my
> grandma and loosing Terri. Terri was someone that I could love and
> did love and still do. I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
> This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as well
> and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
> Maybe
> if any of you want to we could talk off list. I've been going
> through a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through
> them.
> My
> friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they may
> not be able to understand what's going on. I feel like I wasn't good
> enough for her. I'm just really really hurt.
>
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