[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Dave Webster
dwebster125 at gmail.com
Wed Feb 13 21:08:13 UTC 2013
Hi Katie thanks for the post. I wanted to talk a bit about what actually
happened between us. I found everything out last night. I had to really
really talk to Terri about it. She finally told me. She said that there
were some things about me that she thought she could handle in the beginning
but when she through about it and when it actually happened she didn't think
she could. One of the things was the crying spells I go through. I suffer
from bipolar and my bipolar is more on the depressed side. My grandma past
away just about 3 weeks ago and that's when the depression and the crying
spells really started. It was hard for her because the crying spells were
so intense and I would cry so hard, and I still do because this relationship
didn't work out, but when my grandma died I would cry really hard. Some
times they would last a wile. She wanted to tell me before that she didn't
think she could handle those but she didn't. when she finally did tell me
that's when she broke it off and before she told me that's when she started
talking to this other person. If she would have said something in the
beginning it would have been easier. I guess she felt like she was on egg
shells because she would talk about her grand parents or her family and I'd
start to cry. I guess it was just really really hard for her.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti Shelton
Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:17 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Hi all,
I've just finished a long distance relationship by way of ditching the
distance. I met my boyfriend of almost two years at a summer music program
we both attended several years ago. We really hit it off the summer before
my senior year and made the best of the long distance situation. We were
both in school and involved in clubs and band and stuff, but we made it work
the best we could. On our breaks he would come down to visit, and he even
came for my senior prom so we could go together. (Despite all our blind
moments we had with trying to find our way around unfamiliar territory with
a lot of people in the room it was really fun). Last semester he finished
up at his local community college and worked on transfering to a university
in the same city as mine. Now instead of living 300 miles away from me and
in another state our universities are pretty close and we can see each other
every few weeks. Sure, we don't get to see each other every day, but with
school for both of us it can't really be helped and it's a lot better than
every few months.
I don't necessarily think being blind or sighted has anything to do with the
relationship. As Mauricio and others have said it all boils down to
preference of both people in the relationship, their communication skills,
their patience for being in a long distance relationship, and a lot of other
factors. I do agree that sometimes blind people appear to enter into
text-based relationships and get wrapped up in them more often than sighted
people and this can sometimes be problematic, but otherwise blindness is
just a trait, not a personality trait or something that really is important
in a relationship. I don't think long distance relationships are bad, or
that they just don't work. They're not for everyone, but if you're
committed and patient and the other person is too it can actually strengthen
the relationship. I know I appreciate my situation now, and appreciated the
times when my boyfriend would come to visit, because they were priviledges
for both of us.
High school long distance relationships sort of have their own restrictions,
especially the further apart the people in the relationship are. It always
made me sad when my friends in high school would complain about not seeing
their boyfriends over the weekend, or if they would question if they'd keep
the relationship going once they and their boyfriend started going to
different colleges in different cities because it seemed like they really
didn't appreciate the time they spent with their boyfriend or were really
willing to make things work.
School schedules, activities like sports and clubs, and family life keep
high school kids busy. With the set schedules it's not like college where
the people can meet for lunch or go out to dinner after or between classes.
It's also a matter of transportation; bus tickets, gas, and certainly plane
tickets cost money. Of course I champion that the goal of a long distance
relationship should be to make it short distance assuming everything works
out, but if that can't happen easily for transportation, money, and school
reasons than you might as well be as happy as possible together and make
things work as it sounds like Sophie is doing. It's just the practical
thing to do considering the circumstances. Kudos!
On 2/12/13, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com> wrote:
> I hope I didn't come off as saying that long distance relationships
> are bad. I didn't mean to. While this is still a very emotional topic
> for me, I fully respect the fact that for others, they don't go
> through what I went through. All I was trying to convey is that you
> should really keep both eyes, ears, and your heart and soul open when
> going into these situations. then again, if people thought deeply when
> going into any relationship, no matter how near or far the other
> person is, they might have more success. On the other hand, being
> overly analytical, as I have a tendency to be, has its drawbacks,
> namely that I go around and around in endless circles in my head,
> never being able to draw any conclusion, endlessly agonizing over
> every possible detail of things until I feel like I could explode.
> I understand, to a degree, what you're dealing with. I deal with
> depression and anxiety as well, and have for most of my life, so I
> know how people react to that news. In my last relationship, the guy I
> was with liked to tell me how weak I was for being depressed, and how
> I was unable to handle everyday stresses. Yet, he was on medications
> for depression and anxiety as well, so he was being quite
> hypocritical.
>
> On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Um... I'M IN FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry if you
>> didn't know that... it just made me feel a little awkward. And, if
>> you don't mind Koby, I'd rather not share the personal details of the
>> relationship.
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Koby Cox" <kobycox at gmail.com
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:31:37 -0600
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>> Sophie,
>> Are you guys engaged or can you tell me more about your alls relation
>> ship?
>> Thanks,
>> Koby.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Sophie
>> Trist
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 6:56 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>> Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives in
>> Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just chat
>> through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other since we
>> started being a couple. It's different, but it's feasible. A few bad
>> experiences isn't enough to say you hate relationships. I believe
>> that there is someone out there for everyone; it just takes time.
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Sophie
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
>> list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>> I cry every day. I hate relationships, especially long whtance ones
>> they never work.
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>> Yea thanks. I think she did get scared but we had actually talked
>> about that. I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure. Its
>> gonna take some time to get over this. I've been going through a lot
>> of crying spells.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gloria G
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>> Hi,
>> I am so sorry that happened to you. You seem like a really nice guy
>> and I think she just got scared. Maybe after things cool off you
>> guys can talk and figure out what happened. Well I hope you feel
>> better. Try doing something that is fun for you just to get your
>> mind off things.
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
>> Subject: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>>
>> Hello all. I'm Dave. I am not a student right now. I have bipolar
>> and am unable to handle the stress of going to school. I know that
>> this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to post it
>> anyhow.
>> I just got out of a relationship. It was a long distance one whare
>> she lives in Michigan and I in California. We started talking at the
>> beginning of January right after new years. We didn't mean to but we
>> started to hit it off really really well. About a week or so later
>> she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan to see
>> her. If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna stay and
>> be with her. Right now I live in a board and care facility. It
>> turns out that for a couple of weeks probably when she bought the
>> tickets or pretty soonn after she began having doubts and fears
>> about the relationship. I had my doubts and had my fears as well
>> and knew this was a normal thing. We talked about them but a few
>> days later she called the relationship off because there were some
>> symptoms which were rather minor ones that she said she couldn't
>> handle. It turns out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy
>> in Colorado.
>> Mind
>> you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but I
>> feel like we had something. I feel like my emotions were played
>> with and I'm really hurt. I was just wondering if any of you who
>> want to could help me through this. I've been going through a lot
>> of crying spells.
>> During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma. She was 90 and
>> had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the tenth.
>> So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
>> Loosing my
>> grandma and loosing Terri. Terri was someone that I could love and
>> did love and still do. I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
>> This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as well
>> and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
>> Maybe
>> if any of you want to we could talk off list. I've been going
>> through a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through
>> them.
>> My
>> friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they may
>> not be able to understand what's going on. I feel like I wasn't good
>> enough for her. I'm just really really hurt.
>>
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--
Kaiti
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