[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.

Wed Feb 13 06:17:17 UTC 2013

Hi all,

I've just finished a long distance relationship by way of ditching the
distance.  I met my boyfriend of almost two years at a summer music
program we both attended several years ago.  We really hit it off the
summer before my senior year and made the best of the long distance
situation.  We were both in school and involved in clubs and band and
stuff, but we made it work the best we could.  On our breaks he would
come down to visit, and he even came for my senior prom so we could go
together.  (Despite all our blind moments we had with trying to find
our way around unfamiliar territory with a lot of people in the room
it was really fun).  Last semester he finished up at his local
community college and worked on transfering to a university in the
same city as mine.  Now instead of living 300 miles away from me and
in another state our universities are pretty close and we can see each
other every few weeks.  Sure, we don't get to see each other every
day, but with school for both of us it can't really be helped and it's
a lot better than every few months.
I don't necessarily think being blind or sighted has anything to do
with the relationship.  As Mauricio and others have said it all boils
down to preference of both people in the relationship, their
communication skills, their patience for being in a long distance
relationship, and a lot of other factors.  I do agree that sometimes
blind people appear to enter into text-based relationships and get
wrapped up in them more often than sighted people and this can
sometimes be problematic, but otherwise blindness is just a trait, not
a personality trait or something that really is important in a
relationship.  I don't think long distance relationships are bad, or
that they just don't work.  They're not for everyone, but if you're
committed and patient and the other person is too it can actually
strengthen the relationship.  I know I appreciate my situation now,
and appreciated the times when my boyfriend would come to visit,
because they were priviledges for both of us.
High school long distance relationships sort of have their own
restrictions, especially the further apart the people in the
relationship are.  It always made me sad when my friends in high
school would complain about not seeing their boyfriends over the
weekend, or if they would question if they'd keep the relationship
going once they and their boyfriend started going to different
colleges in different cities because it seemed like they really didn't
appreciate the time they spent with their boyfriend or were really
willing to make things work.
School schedules, activities like sports and clubs, and family life
keep high school kids busy.  With the set schedules it's not like
college where the people can meet for lunch or go out to dinner after
or between classes.  It's also a matter of transportation; bus
tickets, gas, and certainly plane tickets cost money.  Of course I
champion that the goal of a long distance relationship should be to
make it short distance assuming everything works out, but if that
can't happen easily for transportation, money, and school reasons than
you might as well be as happy as possible together and make things
work as it sounds like Sophie is doing.  It's just the practical thing
to do considering the circumstances.  Kudos!

On 2/12/13, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com> wrote:
> I hope I didn't come off as saying that long distance relationships
> are bad. I didn't mean to. While this is still a very emotional topic
> for me, I fully respect the fact that for others, they don't go
> through what I went through. All I was trying to convey is that you
> should really keep both eyes, ears, and your heart and soul open when
> going into these situations. then again, if people thought deeply when
> going into any relationship, no matter how near or far the other
> person is, they might have more success. On the other hand, being
> overly analytical, as I have a tendency to be, has its drawbacks,
> namely that I go around and around in endless circles in my head,
> never being able to draw any conclusion, endlessly agonizing over
> every possible detail of things until I feel like I could explode.
> I understand, to a degree, what you're dealing with. I deal with
> depression and anxiety as well, and have for most of my life, so I
> know how people react to that news. In my last relationship, the guy I
> was with liked to tell me how weak I was for being depressed, and how
> I was unable to handle everyday stresses. Yet, he was on medications
> for depression and anxiety as well, so he was being quite
> hypocritical.
>
> On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Um... I'M IN FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry if you
>> didn't know that... it just made me feel a little awkward. And,
>> if you don't mind Koby, I'd rather not share the personal details
>> of the relationship.
>>
>>  ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Koby Cox" <kobycox at gmail.com
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:31:37 -0600
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
>> list.
>>
>> Sophie,
>> Are you guys engaged or can you tell me more about your alls
>> relation
>> ship?
>> Thanks,
>> Koby.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
>> Sophie
>> Trist
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 6:56 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the
>> list.
>>
>> Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives
>> in Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just
>> chat through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other
>> since we started being a couple. It's different, but it's
>> feasible. A few bad experiences isn't enough to say you hate
>> relationships. I believe that there is someone out there for
>> everyone; it just takes time.
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Sophie
>>
>>  ----- Original Message -----
>> From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
>> list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
>> list.
>>
>> I cry every day.  I hate relationships, especially long whtance
>> ones they never work.
>>
>>  ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
>> list.
>>
>> Yea thanks.  I think she did get scared but we had actually
>> talked about
>> that.  I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure.  Its gonna
>> take some
>> time to get over this.  I've been going through a lot of crying
>> spells.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
>> Gloria G
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
>> list.
>>
>> Hi,
>> I am so sorry that happened to you.  You seem like a really nice
>> guy and I
>> think she just got scared.  Maybe after things cool off you guys
>> can talk and
>> figure out what happened.  Well I hope you feel better.  Try
>> doing something
>> that is fun for you just to get your mind off things.
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
>> Subject: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>>
>>  Hello all.  I'm Dave.  I am not a student right now.  I have
>> bipolar
>>  and am unable to handle the stress of going to school.  I know
>> that
>>  this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to post it
>> anyhow.
>>  I just got out of a relationship.  It was a long distance one
>> whare
>>  she lives in Michigan and I in California.  We started talking
>> at the
>>  beginning of January right after new years.  We didn't mean to
>> but we
>>  started to hit it off really really well.  About a week or so
>> later
>>  she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan to
>> see
>>  her.  If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna stay
>> and be
>>  with her.  Right now I live in a board and care facility.  It
>> turns
>>  out that for a couple of weeks probably when she bought the
>> tickets or
>>  pretty soonn after she began having doubts and fears about the
>>  relationship.  I had my doubts and had my fears as well and knew
>> this
>>  was a normal thing.  We talked about them but a few days later
>> she
>>  called the relationship off because there were some symptoms
>> which
>>  were rather minor ones that she said she couldn't handle.  It
>> turns
>>  out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy in Colorado.
>> Mind
>>  you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but
>> I feel
>>  like we had something.  I feel like my emotions were played with
>> and
>>  I'm really hurt.  I was just wondering if any of you who want to
>> could
>>  help me through this.  I've been going through a lot of crying
>> spells.
>>  During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma.  She was 90
>> and
>>  had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the
>> tenth.
>>  So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
>> Loosing my
>>  grandma and loosing Terri.  Terri was someone that I could love
>> and
>>  did love and still do.  I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
>>  This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as
>> well
>>  and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
>> Maybe
>>  if any of you want to we could talk off list.  I've been going
>> through
>>  a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through them.
>> My
>>  friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they
>> may
>>  not be able to understand what's going on.  I feel like I wasn't
>> good
>>  enough for her.  I'm just really really hurt.
>>
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>>
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-- 
Kaiti