[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.

Kaiti Shelton crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com
Thu Feb 14 03:42:13 UTC 2013 

Hi Dave,

Going back to what Elizabeth and Arielle were saying, there are
actually a lot of web sites packed with information and resources for
bipolar disorder and depression.  Just google them and tons of stuff
should come up and you can pick the things you like the best.

I find myself agreeing with Mauricio on this one.  I do think certain
details of personal life should be not necessarily kept bottled up,
but should be handled with care.  It's okay to talk to other's about
them, and while I personally have prefered to talk with a friend or
something I can understand why Dave would post here in his situation.
The NFB is full of really helpful and supportive people, and he stated
himself that's what he was looking for.

Good luck in your hunt for more resources!

On 2/13/13, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hello. All.  I know that this list is geared for students but one of the
> reasons I posted on this list is because I trust the nfb and the people who
> are part of the organization.  I posted to the list because I knew I could
> trust you guys and any other list I wouldn't necessarily be able to talk
> about long distance relationships because its seems more common among  us
> to
> hav them because its hard to get out some times.  So I posted to this list
> because its hard to trust anyone else.  And I trust the national federation
> of the blind and its people.  I want to try to get into a chapter and I
> live
> in the La area.  Thanks.	
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mauricio
> Almeida
> Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 5:41 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>
> what an interesting debate this is.
> Having come from a country where people are less afraid of looking
> vulnerable in general, I am more used with assisting people with their
> issues, as in brazil this is a rather natural thing to do amongst a group
> of
> friends.
> furthermore, I tend on being a believer of the theory that keeping emotions
> too private may result in rather complicated conflicts within ones internal
> system, and these can be quite tough to solve.
> To the same proportion, listening to everyone's opinions can be dangerous
> as
> well, for one must always keep in mind that none but them is responsible
> for
> making decisions pertaining to their lives.
> I believe what dave did here is in fact healthy. He was open about severe
> issues which most people are keen to hide, and he asked assistance.
> Had he sent the same message at housand times, then i would be the first
> one
> to request that the conversation be taken to a different outlet, but as th
> subjects stands now anyone who is not quite interested can simply not
> follow
> the tread, while the people who are can continue the discussion.
> I do think the resources you gave are great, elizabeth, and i had no clue
> of
> the 211 number myself. it's something iw ill check out for volunteer work i
> want to do myself.
>
> sincerely,
>
> mauricio
> On Feb 13, 2013, at 8:00 PM, "Elizabeth Mohnke" <lizmohnke at hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>
>> Hello Desiree and List,
>>
>> I completely understand the need to express one's personal emotions.
> However, I do not believe a public email list where the purpose is to
> discuss issues related to being a blind student is the most appropriate
> place to express such personal emotions. I believe personal matters are
> meant to be kept private, and today's role of social media has conditioned
> us to be more public with our private lives.
>>
>> I agree with Arielle in that I believe what David is going through is
> rather common among the general public. However, I believe there are more
> effective ways in dealing with these issues rather than simply posting a
> mass email on an email list intended for blind students.
>>
>> There are several different hotlines where one can receive support for
> these specific issues, and can sometimes refer you to other local resources
> for ongoing support. I cannot recall any specific hotlines at the moment,
> but a simple internet search should provide some resources.
>>
>> If you are looking for counseling regarding the loss of a loved one, a
> local hospital should be able to provide you with some local resources to
> help support you during your loss. They may also be able to provide
> information regarding support groups for bipolar disorder as well.
>>
>> Other resources you may wish to check out include 211 and domestic
> violence crisis centers. The 211 service is a local service number that
> lists various community services. And although your personal situation with
> your girlfriend would not be classified as domestic violence, a crisis
> center may be able to provide you with some resources you can use to deal
> with your current relationship problem as well as give you some tools for
> building healthy relationships in the future.
>>
>> Finally, if you are a student, there are generally counselors on campus
> who can help you through emotional -term problems which prevent you from
> being a successful student. Services may range from personal counseling to
> referral services to other resources in the community.
>>
>> So while I believe expressing one's emotions is a rather healthy thing to
> do, it can be more helpful and beneficial to express them among a selected
> group of individuals rather than simply sharing them with the whole entire
> world.
>>
>> Respectfully,
>> Elizabeth
>>
>> --------------------------------------------------
>> From: "Desiree Oudinot" <turtlepower17 at gmail.com>
>> Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 5:44 PM
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>>> hi Elizabeth,
>>> Your message wasn't directed at me, but I would like to come to
>>> Dave's defense here a bit, since I also shared some personal things
>>> about myself in my previous messages on this topic.
>>> I'm sorry, but if an employer takes the time to hunt through the
>>> archives of this list, and chooses not to hire me because I slipped
>>> and let a bit of emotion show, that's really their loss. I can't tell
>>> you how angry it makes me that most people in our society place no
>>> value whatsoever on one's emotional state. When I was growing up, I
>>> was told, in many different ways and by many people, directly and
>>> indirectly, that expressing emotions is bad and that I would be a
>>> failure in life for having them. As I've gotten older, I have seen
>>> how so many people go through their lives, hating their jobs, hating
>>> their lives, distrusting everyone, and all of this is a direct result
>>> of suppressing emotions. I could make a solid case for the fact that
>>> everything, from violence to infidelity in marriages to job
>>> dissatisfaction, is directly related to this, but I know this list
>>> isn't the place to go that deep into philosophical issues. What I
>>> feel needs to be said is that exposing a so-called weakness, reaching
>>> out in desperation because you don't know where to turn, shouldn't be
>>> a cause to jump down someone's throat. I'm not saying that's what you
>>> did, but I also feel that what Dave and I and a couple others did was
>>> not inherently wrong. I don't think it will doom us or cause
>>> immediate and permanent backlash.
>>>
>>> On 2/13/13, Elizabeth Mohnke <lizmohnke at hotmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Hello David,
>>>>
>>>> I do not mean to minimize the pain of your personal situation, but I
>>>> am not
>>>>
>>>> quite sure if this list is the appropriate place to share the
>>>> intimate details of your personal relationship.
>>>>
>>>> The emails you post to this email list are stored in a public
>>>> archive. This
>>>>
>>>> means that not only can your emails be viewed by those who are
>>>> subscribed to
>>>>
>>>> this email list, but they can be viewed by anyone who has access to
>>>> the internet. With this in mind, you may wish to think twice about
>>>> sharing such
>>>>
>>>> personal information about yourself on this email list.
>>>>
>>>> In addition, the purpose of this email list is to discuss matters
>>>> that are relevant to being a blind student. Please forgive me, but I
>>>> fail to see how
>>>>
>>>> disclosing intimate details regarding a personal relationship
>>>> relates to the
>>>>
>>>> intended purpose of this email list. I can see how relationships in
>>>> general
>>>>
>>>> could be a relevant topic for this list, but I do not see how a
>>>> specific
>>>> individual detailed relationship problem would be   considered
> appropriate
>>>> for this email list.
>>>>
>>>> Again, I am sorry to hear you are having such difficulties in your
>>>> personal
>>>>
>>>> life, but I believe the intimate details of your personal
>>>> relationship would
>>>>
>>>> be more suited for conversations that take place in private emails
>>>> rather than in a public email list.
>>>>
>>>> Respectfully,
>>>> Elizabeth
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 4:08 PM
>>>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>
>>>>> Hi Katie thanks for the post.  I wanted to talk a bit about what
>>>>> actually happened between us.  I found everything out last night.
>>>>> I had to really really talk to Terri about it.  She finally told
>>>>> me.  She said that there were some things about me that she thought
>>>>> she could handle in the beginning but when she through about it and
>>>>> when it actually happened she didn't think she could.  One of the
>>>>> things was the crying spells I go through.  I suffer from bipolar
>>>>> and my bipolar is more on the depressed side.  My grandma past away
>>>>> just about 3 weeks ago and that's when the depression and the
>>>>> crying spells really started.  It was hard for her because the
>>>>> crying spells were so intense and I would cry so hard, and I still
>>>>> do because this relationship didn't work out, but when my grandma
>>>>> died I would cry really hard.  Some times they would last a wile.
>>>>> She wanted to tell me before that she didn't think she could handle
>>>>> those but she didn't.  when she finally did tell me that's when she
>>>>> broke it off and before she told me that's when she started talking
>>>>> to this other person.  If she would have said something in the
>>>>> beginning it would have been easier.  I guess she felt like she was
>>>>> on egg shells because she would talk about her grand parents or her
>>>>> family and I'd start to cry.  I guess it was just really really
>>>>> hard for her.
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti
>>>>> Shelton
>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:17 PM
>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>
>>>>> Hi all,
>>>>>
>>>>> I've just finished a long distance relationship by way of ditching
>>>>> the distance.  I met my boyfriend of almost two years at a summer
>>>>> music program we both attended several years ago.  We really hit it
>>>>> off the summer before my senior year and made the best of the long
>>>>> distance situation.  We were both in school and involved in clubs
>>>>> and band and stuff, but we made it work the best we could.  On our
>>>>> breaks he would come down to visit, and he even came for my senior
>>>>> prom so we could go together.  (Despite all our blind moments we
>>>>> had with trying to find our way around unfamiliar territory with a
>>>>> lot of people in the room it was really fun).  Last semester he
>>>>> finished up at his local community college and worked on
>>>>> transfering to a university in the same city as mine.  Now instead
>>>>> of living 300 miles away from me and in another state our
>>>>> universities are pretty close and we can see each other every few
>>>>> weeks.  Sure, we don't get to see each other every day, but with
>>>>> school for both of us it can't really be helped and it's a lot
>>>>> better than every few months.
>>>>> I don't necessarily think being blind or sighted has anything to do
>>>>> with the relationship.  As Mauricio and others have said it all
>>>>> boils down to preference of both people in the relationship, their
>>>>> communication skills, their patience for being in a long distance
>>>>> relationship, and a lot of other factors.  I do agree that
>>>>> sometimes blind people appear to enter into text-based
>>>>> relationships and get wrapped up in them more often than sighted
>>>>> people and this can sometimes be problematic, but otherwise
>>>>> blindness is just a trait, not a personality trait or something
>>>>> that really is important in a relationship.  I don't think long
>>>>> distance relationships are bad, or that they just don't work.
>>>>> They're not for everyone, but if you're committed and patient and
>>>>> the other person is too it can actually strengthen the
>>>>> relationship.  I know I appreciate my situation now, and
>>>>> appreciated the times when my boyfriend would come to visit,
>>>>> because they were priviledges for both of us.
>>>>> High school long distance relationships sort of have their own
>>>>> restrictions, especially the further apart the people in the
>>>>> relationship are.  It always made me sad when my friends in high
>>>>> school would complain about not seeing their boyfriends over the
>>>>> weekend, or if they would question if they'd keep the relationship
>>>>> going once they and their boyfriend started going to different
>>>>> colleges in different cities because it seemed like they really
>>>>> didn't appreciate the time they spent with their boyfriend or were
>>>>> really willing to make things work.
>>>>> School schedules, activities like sports and clubs, and family life
>>>>> keep high school kids busy.  With the set schedules it's not like
>>>>> college where the people can meet for lunch or go out to dinner
>>>>> after or between classes.
>>>>> It's also a matter of transportation; bus tickets, gas, and
>>>>> certainly plane tickets cost money.  Of course I champion that the
>>>>> goal of a long distance relationship should be to make it short
>>>>> distance assuming everything works out, but if that can't happen
>>>>> easily for transportation, money, and school reasons than you might
>>>>> as well be as happy as possible together and make things work as it
>>>>> sounds like Sophie is doing.  It's just the practical thing to do
>>>>> considering the circumstances.  Kudos!
>>>>>
>>>>> On 2/12/13, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>> I hope I didn't come off as saying that long distance
>>>>>> relationships are bad. I didn't mean to. While this is still a
>>>>>> very emotional topic for me, I fully respect the fact that for
>>>>>> others, they don't go through what I went through. All I was
>>>>>> trying to convey is that you should really keep both eyes, ears,
>>>>>> and your heart and soul open when going into these situations.
>>>>>> then again, if people thought deeply when going into any
>>>>>> relationship, no matter how near or far the other person is, they
>>>>>> might have more success. On the other hand, being overly
>>>>>> analytical, as I have a tendency to be, has its drawbacks, namely
>>>>>> that I go around and around in endless circles in my head, never
>>>>>> being able to draw any conclusion, endlessly agonizing over every
> possible detail of things until I feel like I could explode.
>>>>>> I understand, to a degree, what you're dealing with. I deal with
>>>>>> depression and anxiety as well, and have for most of my life, so I
>>>>>> know how people react to that news. In my last relationship, the
>>>>>> guy I was with liked to tell me how weak I was for being
>>>>>> depressed, and how I was unable to handle everyday stresses. Yet,
>>>>>> he was on medications for depression and anxiety as well, so he
>>>>>> was being quite hypocritical.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>> Um... I'M IN FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry if you
>>>>>>> didn't know that... it just made me feel a little awkward. And,
>>>>>>> if you don't mind Koby, I'd rather not share the personal details
>>>>>>> of the relationship.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>> From: "Koby Cox" <kobycox at gmail.com
>>>>>>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:31:37 -0600
>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Sophie,
>>>>>>> Are you guys engaged or can you tell me more about your alls
>>>>>>> relation ship?
>>>>>>> Thanks,
>>>>>>> Koby.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
>>>>>>> Sophie Trist
>>>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 6:56 PM
>>>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives
>>>>>>> in Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just
>>>>>>> chat through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other
>>>>>>> since we started being a couple. It's different, but it's
>>>>>>> feasible. A few bad experiences isn't enough to say you hate
>>>>>>> relationships. I believe that there is someone out there for
> everyone; it just takes time.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Sincerely,
>>>>>>> Sophie
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>> From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
>>>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
>>>>>>> list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I cry every day.  I hate relationships, especially long whtance
>>>>>>> ones they never work.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>>>>>>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Yea thanks.  I think she did get scared but we had actually
>>>>>>> talked about that.  I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not
>>>>>>> sure.  Its gonna take some time to get over this.  I've been
>>>>>>> going through a lot of crying spells.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
>>>>>>> Gloria G
>>>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
>>>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Hi,
>>>>>>> I am so sorry that happened to you.  You seem like a really nice
>>>>>>> guy and I think she just got scared.  Maybe after things cool off
>>>>>>> you guys can talk and figure out what happened.  Well I hope you
>>>>>>> feel better.  Try doing something that is fun for you just to get
>>>>>>> your mind off things.
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>>>>>>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Hello all.  I'm Dave.  I am not a student right now.  I have
>>>>>>> bipolar and am unable to handle the stress of going to school.  I
>>>>>>> know that this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to
>>>>>>> post it anyhow.
>>>>>>> I just got out of a relationship.  It was a long distance one
>>>>>>> whare she lives in Michigan and I in California.  We started
>>>>>>> talking at the beginning of January right after new years.  We
>>>>>>> didn't mean to but we started to hit it off really really well.
>>>>>>> About a week or so later she bought plane tickets for me to come
>>>>>>> out there to Michigan to see her.  If I liked it out there then I
>>>>>>> was most likely gonna stay and be  with her.  Right now I live in
>>>>>>> a board and care facility.  It turns  out that for a couple of
>>>>>>> weeks probably when she bought the tickets or  pretty soonn after
>>>>>>> she began having doubts and fears about the  relationship.  I had
>>>>>>> my doubts and had my fears as well and knew this  was a normal
>>>>>>> thing.  We talked about them but a few days later she  called the
>>>>>>> relationship off because there were some symptoms which  were
>>>>>>> rather minor ones that she said she couldn't handle.  It turns
>>>>>>> out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy in Colorado.
>>>>>>> Mind
>>>>>>> you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but I
>>>>>>> feel  like we had something.  I feel like my emotions were played
>>>>>>> with and  I'm really hurt.  I was just wondering if any of you
>>>>>>> who want to could  help me through this.  I've been going through
>>>>>>> a lot of crying spells.
>>>>>>> During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma.  She was 90
>>>>>>> and had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the
> tenth.
>>>>>>> So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
>>>>>>> Loosing my
>>>>>>> grandma and loosing Terri.  Terri was someone that I could love
>>>>>>> and did love and still do.  I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
>>>>>>> This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as
>>>>>>> well and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
>>>>>>> Maybe
>>>>>>> if any of you want to we could talk off list.  I've been going
>>>>>>> through  a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through
>>>>>>> them.
>>>>>>> My
>>>>>>> friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they
>>>>>>> may not be able to understand what's going on.  I feel like I
>>>>>>> wasn't good enough for her.  I'm just really really hurt.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>> %40gm
>>>>>>> ail.com
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
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>>>>> m
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>> Kaiti
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
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>>>>
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-- 
Kaiti

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