[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Ashley Bramlett
bookwormahb at earthlink.net
Thu Feb 14 05:13:35 UTC 2013
Hello Elizabeth,
I can see both sides of the argument. I think putting private details and
deep feelings on a archived list does pose some security concerns. But IMO
it was his decision and choice.
On the other hand, I understand David is lonely and hurt. He probably felt
that blind students would understand rejection more.
Anyway, it happened and I kind of enjoyed seeing a glimpse of some others
emotions in their responses. I cannot offer David relationship advice
because I have not been in that situation. But I can definitely give some
guidance on where to turn. A person in this situation needs counseling and a
real support group of people with bipolar disorder. I do hope David can find
such a group.
Ashley
-----Original Message-----
From: Elizabeth Mohnke
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 8:00 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Hello Desiree and List,
I completely understand the need to express one's personal emotions.
However, I do not believe a public email list where the purpose is to
discuss issues related to being a blind student is the most appropriate
place to express such personal emotions. I believe personal matters are
meant to be kept private, and today's role of social media has conditioned
us to be more public with our private lives.
I agree with Arielle in that I believe what David is going through is rather
common among the general public. However, I believe there are more effective
ways in dealing with these issues rather than simply posting a mass email on
an email list intended for blind students.
There are several different hotlines where one can receive support for these
specific issues, and can sometimes refer you to other local resources for
ongoing support. I cannot recall any specific hotlines at the moment, but a
simple internet search should provide some resources.
If you are looking for counseling regarding the loss of a loved one, a local
hospital should be able to provide you with some local resources to help
support you during your loss. They may also be able to provide information
regarding support groups for bipolar disorder as well.
Other resources you may wish to check out include 211 and domestic violence
crisis centers. The 211 service is a local service number that lists various
community services. And although your personal situation with your
girlfriend would not be classified as domestic violence, a crisis center may
be able to provide you with some resources you can use to deal with your
current relationship problem as well as give you some tools for building
healthy relationships in the future.
Finally, if you are a student, there are generally counselors on campus who
can help you through emotional -term problems which prevent you from being a
successful student. Services may range from personal counseling to referral
services to other resources in the community.
So while I believe expressing one's emotions is a rather healthy thing to
do, it can be more helpful and beneficial to express them among a selected
group of individuals rather than simply sharing them with the whole entire
world.
Respectfully,
Elizabeth
--------------------------------------------------
From: "Desiree Oudinot" <turtlepower17 at gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 5:44 PM
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> hi Elizabeth,
> Your message wasn't directed at me, but I would like to come to Dave's
> defense here a bit, since I also shared some personal things about
> myself in my previous messages on this topic.
> I'm sorry, but if an employer takes the time to hunt through the
> archives of this list, and chooses not to hire me because I slipped
> and let a bit of emotion show, that's really their loss. I can't tell
> you how angry it makes me that most people in our society place no
> value whatsoever on one's emotional state. When I was growing up, I
> was told, in many different ways and by many people, directly and
> indirectly, that expressing emotions is bad and that I would be a
> failure in life for having them. As I've gotten older, I have seen how
> so many people go through their lives, hating their jobs, hating their
> lives, distrusting everyone, and all of this is a direct result of
> suppressing emotions. I could make a solid case for the fact that
> everything, from violence to infidelity in marriages to job
> dissatisfaction, is directly related to this, but I know this list
> isn't the place to go that deep into philosophical issues. What I feel
> needs to be said is that exposing a so-called weakness, reaching out
> in desperation because you don't know where to turn, shouldn't be a
> cause to jump down someone's throat. I'm not saying that's what you
> did, but I also feel that what Dave and I and a couple others did was
> not inherently wrong. I don't think it will doom us or cause immediate
> and permanent backlash.
>
> On 2/13/13, Elizabeth Mohnke <lizmohnke at hotmail.com> wrote:
>> Hello David,
>>
>> I do not mean to minimize the pain of your personal situation, but I am
>> not
>>
>> quite sure if this list is the appropriate place to share the intimate
>> details of your personal relationship.
>>
>> The emails you post to this email list are stored in a public archive.
>> This
>>
>> means that not only can your emails be viewed by those who are subscribed
>> to
>>
>> this email list, but they can be viewed by anyone who has access to the
>> internet. With this in mind, you may wish to think twice about sharing
>> such
>>
>> personal information about yourself on this email list.
>>
>> In addition, the purpose of this email list is to discuss matters that
>> are
>> relevant to being a blind student. Please forgive me, but I fail to see
>> how
>>
>> disclosing intimate details regarding a personal relationship relates to
>> the
>>
>> intended purpose of this email list. I can see how relationships in
>> general
>>
>> could be a relevant topic for this list, but I do not see how a specific
>> individual detailed relationship problem would be considered
>> appropriate
>> for this email list.
>>
>> Again, I am sorry to hear you are having such difficulties in your
>> personal
>>
>> life, but I believe the intimate details of your personal relationship
>> would
>>
>> be more suited for conversations that take place in private emails rather
>> than in a public email list.
>>
>> Respectfully,
>> Elizabeth
>>
>>
>> --------------------------------------------------
>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
>> Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 4:08 PM
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>>> Hi Katie thanks for the post. I wanted to talk a bit about what
>>> actually
>>> happened between us. I found everything out last night. I had to
>>> really
>>> really talk to Terri about it. She finally told me. She said that
>>> there
>>> were some things about me that she thought she could handle in the
>>> beginning
>>> but when she through about it and when it actually happened she didn't
>>> think
>>> she could. One of the things was the crying spells I go through. I
>>> suffer
>>> from bipolar and my bipolar is more on the depressed side. My grandma
>>> past
>>> away just about 3 weeks ago and that's when the depression and the
>>> crying
>>> spells really started. It was hard for her because the crying spells
>>> were
>>> so intense and I would cry so hard, and I still do because this
>>> relationship
>>> didn't work out, but when my grandma died I would cry really hard. Some
>>> times they would last a wile. She wanted to tell me before that she
>>> didn't
>>> think she could handle those but she didn't. when she finally did tell
>>> me
>>> that's when she broke it off and before she told me that's when she
>>> started
>>> talking to this other person. If she would have said something in the
>>> beginning it would have been easier. I guess she felt like she was on
>>> egg
>>> shells because she would talk about her grand parents or her family and
>>> I'd
>>> start to cry. I guess it was just really really hard for her.
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti
>>> Shelton
>>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:17 PM
>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>
>>> Hi all,
>>>
>>> I've just finished a long distance relationship by way of ditching the
>>> distance. I met my boyfriend of almost two years at a summer music
>>> program
>>> we both attended several years ago. We really hit it off the summer
>>> before
>>> my senior year and made the best of the long distance situation. We
>>> were
>>> both in school and involved in clubs and band and stuff, but we made it
>>> work
>>> the best we could. On our breaks he would come down to visit, and he
>>> even
>>> came for my senior prom so we could go together. (Despite all our blind
>>> moments we had with trying to find our way around unfamiliar territory
>>> with
>>> a lot of people in the room it was really fun). Last semester he
>>> finished
>>> up at his local community college and worked on transfering to a
>>> university
>>> in the same city as mine. Now instead of living 300 miles away from me
>>> and
>>> in another state our universities are pretty close and we can see each
>>> other
>>> every few weeks. Sure, we don't get to see each other every day, but
>>> with
>>> school for both of us it can't really be helped and it's a lot better
>>> than
>>> every few months.
>>> I don't necessarily think being blind or sighted has anything to do with
>>> the
>>> relationship. As Mauricio and others have said it all boils down to
>>> preference of both people in the relationship, their communication
>>> skills,
>>> their patience for being in a long distance relationship, and a lot of
>>> other
>>> factors. I do agree that sometimes blind people appear to enter into
>>> text-based relationships and get wrapped up in them more often than
>>> sighted
>>> people and this can sometimes be problematic, but otherwise blindness is
>>> just a trait, not a personality trait or something that really is
>>> important
>>> in a relationship. I don't think long distance relationships are bad,
>>> or
>>> that they just don't work. They're not for everyone, but if you're
>>> committed and patient and the other person is too it can actually
>>> strengthen
>>> the relationship. I know I appreciate my situation now, and appreciated
>>> the
>>> times when my boyfriend would come to visit, because they were
>>> priviledges
>>> for both of us.
>>> High school long distance relationships sort of have their own
>>> restrictions,
>>> especially the further apart the people in the relationship are. It
>>> always
>>> made me sad when my friends in high school would complain about not
>>> seeing
>>> their boyfriends over the weekend, or if they would question if they'd
>>> keep
>>> the relationship going once they and their boyfriend started going to
>>> different colleges in different cities because it seemed like they
>>> really
>>> didn't appreciate the time they spent with their boyfriend or were
>>> really
>>> willing to make things work.
>>> School schedules, activities like sports and clubs, and family life keep
>>> high school kids busy. With the set schedules it's not like college
>>> where
>>> the people can meet for lunch or go out to dinner after or between
>>> classes.
>>> It's also a matter of transportation; bus tickets, gas, and certainly
>>> plane
>>> tickets cost money. Of course I champion that the goal of a long
>>> distance
>>> relationship should be to make it short distance assuming everything
>>> works
>>> out, but if that can't happen easily for transportation, money, and
>>> school
>>> reasons than you might as well be as happy as possible together and make
>>> things work as it sounds like Sophie is doing. It's just the practical
>>> thing to do considering the circumstances. Kudos!
>>>
>>> On 2/12/13, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> I hope I didn't come off as saying that long distance relationships
>>>> are bad. I didn't mean to. While this is still a very emotional topic
>>>> for me, I fully respect the fact that for others, they don't go
>>>> through what I went through. All I was trying to convey is that you
>>>> should really keep both eyes, ears, and your heart and soul open when
>>>> going into these situations. then again, if people thought deeply when
>>>> going into any relationship, no matter how near or far the other
>>>> person is, they might have more success. On the other hand, being
>>>> overly analytical, as I have a tendency to be, has its drawbacks,
>>>> namely that I go around and around in endless circles in my head,
>>>> never being able to draw any conclusion, endlessly agonizing over
>>>> every possible detail of things until I feel like I could explode.
>>>> I understand, to a degree, what you're dealing with. I deal with
>>>> depression and anxiety as well, and have for most of my life, so I
>>>> know how people react to that news. In my last relationship, the guy I
>>>> was with liked to tell me how weak I was for being depressed, and how
>>>> I was unable to handle everyday stresses. Yet, he was on medications
>>>> for depression and anxiety as well, so he was being quite
>>>> hypocritical.
>>>>
>>>> On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> Um... I'M IN FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry if you
>>>>> didn't know that... it just made me feel a little awkward. And, if
>>>>> you don't mind Koby, I'd rather not share the personal details of the
>>>>> relationship.
>>>>>
>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>> From: "Koby Cox" <kobycox at gmail.com
>>>>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:31:37 -0600
>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>
>>>>> Sophie,
>>>>> Are you guys engaged or can you tell me more about your alls relation
>>>>> ship?
>>>>> Thanks,
>>>>> Koby.
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Sophie
>>>>> Trist
>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 6:56 PM
>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>
>>>>> Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives in
>>>>> Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just chat
>>>>> through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other since we
>>>>> started being a couple. It's different, but it's feasible. A few bad
>>>>> experiences isn't enough to say you hate relationships. I believe
>>>>> that there is someone out there for everyone; it just takes time.
>>>>>
>>>>> Sincerely,
>>>>> Sophie
>>>>>
>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>> From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
>>>>> list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>
>>>>> I cry every day. I hate relationships, especially long whtance ones
>>>>> they never work.
>>>>>
>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>>>>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>
>>>>> Yea thanks. I think she did get scared but we had actually talked
>>>>> about that. I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure. Its
>>>>> gonna take some time to get over this. I've been going through a lot
>>>>> of crying spells.
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gloria G
>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>
>>>>> Hi,
>>>>> I am so sorry that happened to you. You seem like a really nice guy
>>>>> and I think she just got scared. Maybe after things cool off you
>>>>> guys can talk and figure out what happened. Well I hope you feel
>>>>> better. Try doing something that is fun for you just to get your
>>>>> mind off things.
>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>>>>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Hello all. I'm Dave. I am not a student right now. I have bipolar
>>>>> and am unable to handle the stress of going to school. I know that
>>>>> this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to post it
>>>>> anyhow.
>>>>> I just got out of a relationship. It was a long distance one whare
>>>>> she lives in Michigan and I in California. We started talking at the
>>>>> beginning of January right after new years. We didn't mean to but we
>>>>> started to hit it off really really well. About a week or so later
>>>>> she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan to see
>>>>> her. If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna stay and
>>>>> be with her. Right now I live in a board and care facility. It
>>>>> turns out that for a couple of weeks probably when she bought the
>>>>> tickets or pretty soonn after she began having doubts and fears
>>>>> about the relationship. I had my doubts and had my fears as well
>>>>> and knew this was a normal thing. We talked about them but a few
>>>>> days later she called the relationship off because there were some
>>>>> symptoms which were rather minor ones that she said she couldn't
>>>>> handle. It turns out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy
>>>>> in Colorado.
>>>>> Mind
>>>>> you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but I
>>>>> feel like we had something. I feel like my emotions were played
>>>>> with and I'm really hurt. I was just wondering if any of you who
>>>>> want to could help me through this. I've been going through a lot
>>>>> of crying spells.
>>>>> During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma. She was 90 and
>>>>> had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the tenth.
>>>>> So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
>>>>> Loosing my
>>>>> grandma and loosing Terri. Terri was someone that I could love and
>>>>> did love and still do. I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
>>>>> This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as well
>>>>> and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
>>>>> Maybe
>>>>> if any of you want to we could talk off list. I've been going
>>>>> through a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through
>>>>> them.
>>>>> My
>>>>> friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they may
>>>>> not be able to understand what's going on. I feel like I wasn't good
>>>>> enough for her. I'm just really really hurt.
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>> nabs-l:
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>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/gloria.graves
>>>>> %40gm
>>>>> ail.com
>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>>>
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>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>>>
>>>>
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>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Kaiti
>>>
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