[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Ari Damoulakis
aridamoulakis at gmail.com
Mon Feb 18 14:49:16 UTC 2013
I agree
David is blind, so I think there should be some sort of blind list
where he can discuss these things, because, like it or not, the fact
of blindness sometimes does play a role. Obviously there are
mainstream services he can turn to, but maybe the blindness factor
adds something to the support David is looking for.
I for example, there are many crises and things I would like answers
and help with. There are many mainstream lists for the particular
crisis and questions I have, but I want more a disabled and blindness
point of view, or a disabled support group in dealing with my specific
crisis I'm going through at the moment, but I just can't find one.
Ari
On 2/18/13, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net> wrote:
> Good morning, List,
>
> Lay off our good buddy, Dave! Too often it is a social protocol to
> act like a machine, forever using pallid, impersonal terms for
> expressing oneself. Don't people think there are enough of us,
> forgoing emotion to express themselves, just so what they say fits
> into somebody's box,is snug within somebody's form? And, in terms of
> Dave's reaching out, in his state of personal crisis, to his blind
> peers, Not a reason for crucifixion, I dare say.
> He's simply groping for support, and answers. I would think this List
> a more supportive place, to air such crisies of the spirit? No?
> I guess in this case, we are family, but only to a point.:00 PM
> 2/13/2013, Elizabeth Mohnke wrote:
>>Hello Desiree and List,
>>
>>I completely understand the need to express one's personal emotions.
>>However, I do not believe a public email list where the purpose is
>>to discuss issues related to being a blind student is the most
>>appropriate place to express such personal emotions. I believe
>>personal matters are meant to be kept private, and today's role of
>>social media has conditioned us to be more public with our private lives.
>>
>>I agree with Arielle in that I believe what David is going through
>>is rather common among the general public. However, I believe there
>>are more effective ways in dealing with these issues rather than
>>simply posting a mass email on an email list intended for blind students.
>>
>>There are several different hotlines where one can receive support
>>for these specific issues, and can sometimes refer you to other
>>local resources for ongoing support. I cannot recall any specific
>>hotlines at the moment, but a simple internet search should provide
>>some resources.
>>
>>If you are looking for counseling regarding the loss of a loved one,
>>a local hospital should be able to provide you with some local
>>resources to help support you during your loss. They may also be
>>able to provide information regarding support groups for bipolar
>>disorder as well.
>>
>>Other resources you may wish to check out include 211 and domestic
>>violence crisis centers. The 211 service is a local service number
>>that lists various community services. And although your personal
>>situation with your girlfriend would not be classified as domestic
>>violence, a crisis center may be able to provide you with some
>>resources you can use to deal with your current relationship problem
>>as well as give you some tools for building healthy relationships in
>>the future.
>>
>>Finally, if you are a student, there are generally counselors on
>>campus who can help you through emotional -term problems which
>>prevent you from being a successful student. Services may range from
>>personal counseling to referral services to other resources in the
>> community.
>>
>>So while I believe expressing one's emotions is a rather healthy
>>thing to do, it can be more helpful and beneficial to express them
>>among a selected group of individuals rather than simply sharing
>>them with the whole entire world.
>>
>>Respectfully,
>>Elizabeth
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------
>>From: "Desiree Oudinot" <turtlepower17 at gmail.com>
>>Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 5:44 PM
>>To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>
>>>hi Elizabeth,
>>>Your message wasn't directed at me, but I would like to come to Dave's
>>>defense here a bit, since I also shared some personal things about
>>>myself in my previous messages on this topic.
>>>I'm sorry, but if an employer takes the time to hunt through the
>>>archives of this list, and chooses not to hire me because I slipped
>>>and let a bit of emotion show, that's really their loss. I can't tell
>>>you how angry it makes me that most people in our society place no
>>>value whatsoever on one's emotional state. When I was growing up, I
>>>was told, in many different ways and by many people, directly and
>>>indirectly, that expressing emotions is bad and that I would be a
>>>failure in life for having them. As I've gotten older, I have seen how
>>>so many people go through their lives, hating their jobs, hating their
>>>lives, distrusting everyone, and all of this is a direct result of
>>>suppressing emotions. I could make a solid case for the fact that
>>>everything, from violence to infidelity in marriages to job
>>>dissatisfaction, is directly related to this, but I know this list
>>>isn't the place to go that deep into philosophical issues. What I feel
>>>needs to be said is that exposing a so-called weakness, reaching out
>>>in desperation because you don't know where to turn, shouldn't be a
>>>cause to jump down someone's throat. I'm not saying that's what you
>>>did, but I also feel that what Dave and I and a couple others did was
>>>not inherently wrong. I don't think it will doom us or cause immediate
>>>and permanent backlash.
>>>
>>>On 2/13/13, Elizabeth Mohnke <lizmohnke at hotmail.com> wrote:
>>>>Hello David,
>>>>
>>>>I do not mean to minimize the pain of your personal situation, but I am
>>>> not
>>>>
>>>>quite sure if this list is the appropriate place to share the intimate
>>>>details of your personal relationship.
>>>>
>>>>The emails you post to this email list are stored in a public archive.
>>>> This
>>>>
>>>>means that not only can your emails be viewed by those who are subscribed
>>>> to
>>>>
>>>>this email list, but they can be viewed by anyone who has access to the
>>>>internet. With this in mind, you may wish to think twice about sharing
>>>> such
>>>>
>>>>personal information about yourself on this email list.
>>>>
>>>>In addition, the purpose of this email list is to discuss matters that
>>>> are
>>>>relevant to being a blind student. Please forgive me, but I fail to see
>>>> how
>>>>
>>>>disclosing intimate details regarding a personal relationship relates to
>>>> the
>>>>
>>>>intended purpose of this email list. I can see how relationships in
>>>> general
>>>>
>>>>could be a relevant topic for this list, but I do not see how a specific
>>>>individual detailed relationship problem would be considered
>>>> appropriate
>>>>for this email list.
>>>>
>>>>Again, I am sorry to hear you are having such difficulties in your
>>>> personal
>>>>
>>>>life, but I believe the intimate details of your personal relationship
>>>> would
>>>>
>>>>be more suited for conversations that take place in private emails
>>>> rather
>>>>than in a public email list.
>>>>
>>>>Respectfully,
>>>>Elizabeth
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>>From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
>>>>Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 4:08 PM
>>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>
>>>>>Hi Katie thanks for the post. I wanted to talk a bit about what
>>>>> actually
>>>>>happened between us. I found everything out last night. I had to
>>>>> really
>>>>>really talk to Terri about it. She finally told me. She said that
>>>>> there
>>>>>were some things about me that she thought she could handle in the
>>>>>beginning
>>>>>but when she through about it and when it actually happened she didn't
>>>>>think
>>>>>she could. One of the things was the crying spells I go through. I
>>>>>suffer
>>>>>from bipolar and my bipolar is more on the depressed side. My grandma
>>>>>past
>>>>>away just about 3 weeks ago and that's when the depression and the
>>>>> crying
>>>>>spells really started. It was hard for her because the crying spells
>>>>>were
>>>>>so intense and I would cry so hard, and I still do because this
>>>>>relationship
>>>>>didn't work out, but when my grandma died I would cry really hard.
>>>>> Some
>>>>>times they would last a wile. She wanted to tell me before that she
>>>>>didn't
>>>>>think she could handle those but she didn't. when she finally did tell
>>>>>me
>>>>>that's when she broke it off and before she told me that's when she
>>>>>started
>>>>>talking to this other person. If she would have said something in the
>>>>>beginning it would have been easier. I guess she felt like she was on
>>>>>egg
>>>>>shells because she would talk about her grand parents or her family and
>>>>>I'd
>>>>>start to cry. I guess it was just really really hard for her.
>>>>>
>>>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>>>From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti
>>>>>Shelton
>>>>>Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:17 PM
>>>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>
>>>>>Hi all,
>>>>>
>>>>>I've just finished a long distance relationship by way of ditching the
>>>>>distance. I met my boyfriend of almost two years at a summer music
>>>>>program
>>>>>we both attended several years ago. We really hit it off the summer
>>>>>before
>>>>>my senior year and made the best of the long distance situation. We
>>>>> were
>>>>>both in school and involved in clubs and band and stuff, but we made it
>>>>>work
>>>>>the best we could. On our breaks he would come down to visit, and he
>>>>>even
>>>>>came for my senior prom so we could go together. (Despite all our
>>>>> blind
>>>>>moments we had with trying to find our way around unfamiliar territory
>>>>>with
>>>>>a lot of people in the room it was really fun). Last semester he
>>>>>finished
>>>>>up at his local community college and worked on transfering to a
>>>>>university
>>>>>in the same city as mine. Now instead of living 300 miles away from me
>>>>>and
>>>>>in another state our universities are pretty close and we can see each
>>>>>other
>>>>>every few weeks. Sure, we don't get to see each other every day, but
>>>>>with
>>>>>school for both of us it can't really be helped and it's a lot better
>>>>>than
>>>>>every few months.
>>>>>I don't necessarily think being blind or sighted has anything to do
>>>>> with
>>>>>the
>>>>>relationship. As Mauricio and others have said it all boils down to
>>>>>preference of both people in the relationship, their communication
>>>>>skills,
>>>>>their patience for being in a long distance relationship, and a lot of
>>>>>other
>>>>>factors. I do agree that sometimes blind people appear to enter into
>>>>>text-based relationships and get wrapped up in them more often than
>>>>>sighted
>>>>>people and this can sometimes be problematic, but otherwise blindness
>>>>> is
>>>>>just a trait, not a personality trait or something that really is
>>>>>important
>>>>>in a relationship. I don't think long distance relationships are bad,
>>>>> or
>>>>>that they just don't work. They're not for everyone, but if you're
>>>>>committed and patient and the other person is too it can actually
>>>>>strengthen
>>>>>the relationship. I know I appreciate my situation now, and
>>>>> appreciated
>>>>>the
>>>>>times when my boyfriend would come to visit, because they were
>>>>>priviledges
>>>>>for both of us.
>>>>>High school long distance relationships sort of have their own
>>>>>restrictions,
>>>>>especially the further apart the people in the relationship are. It
>>>>>always
>>>>>made me sad when my friends in high school would complain about not
>>>>>seeing
>>>>>their boyfriends over the weekend, or if they would question if they'd
>>>>>keep
>>>>>the relationship going once they and their boyfriend started going to
>>>>>different colleges in different cities because it seemed like they
>>>>> really
>>>>>didn't appreciate the time they spent with their boyfriend or were
>>>>> really
>>>>>willing to make things work.
>>>>>School schedules, activities like sports and clubs, and family life
>>>>> keep
>>>>>high school kids busy. With the set schedules it's not like college
>>>>>where
>>>>>the people can meet for lunch or go out to dinner after or between
>>>>>classes.
>>>>>It's also a matter of transportation; bus tickets, gas, and certainly
>>>>>plane
>>>>>tickets cost money. Of course I champion that the goal of a long
>>>>>distance
>>>>>relationship should be to make it short distance assuming everything
>>>>>works
>>>>>out, but if that can't happen easily for transportation, money, and
>>>>>school
>>>>>reasons than you might as well be as happy as possible together and
>>>>> make
>>>>>things work as it sounds like Sophie is doing. It's just the practical
>>>>>thing to do considering the circumstances. Kudos!
>>>>>
>>>>>On 2/12/13, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>I hope I didn't come off as saying that long distance relationships
>>>>>>are bad. I didn't mean to. While this is still a very emotional topic
>>>>>>for me, I fully respect the fact that for others, they don't go
>>>>>>through what I went through. All I was trying to convey is that you
>>>>>>should really keep both eyes, ears, and your heart and soul open when
>>>>>>going into these situations. then again, if people thought deeply when
>>>>>>going into any relationship, no matter how near or far the other
>>>>>>person is, they might have more success. On the other hand, being
>>>>>>overly analytical, as I have a tendency to be, has its drawbacks,
>>>>>>namely that I go around and around in endless circles in my head,
>>>>>>never being able to draw any conclusion, endlessly agonizing over
>>>>>>every possible detail of things until I feel like I could explode.
>>>>>>I understand, to a degree, what you're dealing with. I deal with
>>>>>>depression and anxiety as well, and have for most of my life, so I
>>>>>>know how people react to that news. In my last relationship, the guy I
>>>>>>was with liked to tell me how weak I was for being depressed, and how
>>>>>>I was unable to handle everyday stresses. Yet, he was on medications
>>>>>>for depression and anxiety as well, so he was being quite
>>>>>>hypocritical.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>Um... I'M IN FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry if you
>>>>>>>didn't know that... it just made me feel a little awkward. And, if
>>>>>>>you don't mind Koby, I'd rather not share the personal details of the
>>>>>>>relationship.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>From: "Koby Cox" <kobycox at gmail.com
>>>>>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:31:37 -0600
>>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Sophie,
>>>>>>>Are you guys engaged or can you tell me more about your alls relation
>>>>>>>ship?
>>>>>>>Thanks,
>>>>>>>Koby.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>>>>>From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Sophie
>>>>>>>Trist
>>>>>>>Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 6:56 PM
>>>>>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives in
>>>>>>>Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just chat
>>>>>>>through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other since we
>>>>>>>started being a couple. It's different, but it's feasible. A few bad
>>>>>>>experiences isn't enough to say you hate relationships. I believe
>>>>>>>that there is someone out there for everyone; it just takes time.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Sincerely,
>>>>>>>Sophie
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
>>>>>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
>>>>>>>list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
>>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>I cry every day. I hate relationships, especially long whtance ones
>>>>>>>they never work.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>>>>>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
>>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Yea thanks. I think she did get scared but we had actually talked
>>>>>>>about that. I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure. Its
>>>>>>>gonna take some time to get over this. I've been going through a lot
>>>>>>>of crying spells.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>>>>>From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gloria G
>>>>>>>Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
>>>>>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Hi,
>>>>>>>I am so sorry that happened to you. You seem like a really nice guy
>>>>>>>and I think she just got scared. Maybe after things cool off you
>>>>>>>guys can talk and figure out what happened. Well I hope you feel
>>>>>>>better. Try doing something that is fun for you just to get your
>>>>>>>mind off things.
>>>>>>>----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>>>>>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>>>>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
>>>>>>>Subject: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Hello all. I'm Dave. I am not a student right now. I have
>>>>>>> bipolar
>>>>>>>and am unable to handle the stress of going to school. I know that
>>>>>>>this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to post it
>>>>>>>anyhow.
>>>>>>> I just got out of a relationship. It was a long distance one whare
>>>>>>>she lives in Michigan and I in California. We started talking at the
>>>>>>>beginning of January right after new years. We didn't mean to but we
>>>>>>>started to hit it off really really well. About a week or so later
>>>>>>>she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan to see
>>>>>>>her. If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna stay and
>>>>>>>be with her. Right now I live in a board and care facility. It
>>>>>>>turns out that for a couple of weeks probably when she bought the
>>>>>>>tickets or pretty soonn after she began having doubts and fears
>>>>>>>about the relationship. I had my doubts and had my fears as well
>>>>>>>and knew this was a normal thing. We talked about them but a few
>>>>>>>days later she called the relationship off because there were some
>>>>>>>symptoms which were rather minor ones that she said she couldn't
>>>>>>>handle. It turns out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy
>>>>>>>in Colorado.
>>>>>>>Mind
>>>>>>> you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but I
>>>>>>>feel like we had something. I feel like my emotions were played
>>>>>>>with and I'm really hurt. I was just wondering if any of you who
>>>>>>>want to could help me through this. I've been going through a lot
>>>>>>>of crying spells.
>>>>>>> During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma. She was 90 and
>>>>>>>had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the tenth.
>>>>>>> So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
>>>>>>>Loosing my
>>>>>>> grandma and loosing Terri. Terri was someone that I could love and
>>>>>>>did love and still do. I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
>>>>>>> This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as well
>>>>>>>and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
>>>>>>>Maybe
>>>>>>> if any of you want to we could talk off list. I've been going
>>>>>>>through a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through
>>>>>>>them.
>>>>>>>My
>>>>>>> friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they
>>>>>>> may
>>>>>>>not be able to understand what's going on. I feel like I wasn't good
>>>>>>>enough for her. I'm just really really hurt.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
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>>>>>>> nabs-l:
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>>>>>>> ail.com
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>>nabs-l mailing list
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>>>>>m
>>>>>>
>>>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>>>nabs-l mailing list
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>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>--
>>>>>Kaiti
>>>>>
>>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>>>
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