[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Carly Mihalakis
carlymih at comcast.net
Mon Feb 18 15:05:32 UTC 2013
I'm with Ari, sometimes, as with questions of O&M, blindness does
matter, in such a way that counselors att school, or in any other
crisis forum won't be as effective, let alone satisfying.
CarAt 06:49 AM 2/18/2013, Ari Damoulakis wrote:
>I agree
>David is blind, so I think there should be some sort of blind list
>where he can discuss these things, because, like it or not, the fact
>of blindness sometimes does play a role. Obviously there are
>mainstream services he can turn to, but maybe the blindness factor
>adds something to the support David is looking for.
>I for example, there are many crises and things I would like answers
>and help with. There are many mainstream lists for the particular
>crisis and questions I have, but I want more a disabled and blindness
>point of view, or a disabled support group in dealing with my specific
>crisis I'm going through at the moment, but I just can't find one.
>Ari
>
>On 2/18/13, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net> wrote:
> > Good morning, List,
> >
> > Lay off our good buddy, Dave! Too often it is a social protocol to
> > act like a machine, forever using pallid, impersonal terms for
> > expressing oneself. Don't people think there are enough of us,
> > forgoing emotion to express themselves, just so what they say fits
> > into somebody's box,is snug within somebody's form? And, in terms of
> > Dave's reaching out, in his state of personal crisis, to his blind
> > peers, Not a reason for crucifixion, I dare say.
> > He's simply groping for support, and answers. I would think this List
> > a more supportive place, to air such crisies of the spirit? No?
> > I guess in this case, we are family, but only to a point.:00 PM
> > 2/13/2013, Elizabeth Mohnke wrote:
> >>Hello Desiree and List,
> >>
> >>I completely understand the need to express one's personal emotions.
> >>However, I do not believe a public email list where the purpose is
> >>to discuss issues related to being a blind student is the most
> >>appropriate place to express such personal emotions. I believe
> >>personal matters are meant to be kept private, and today's role of
> >>social media has conditioned us to be more public with our private lives.
> >>
> >>I agree with Arielle in that I believe what David is going through
> >>is rather common among the general public. However, I believe there
> >>are more effective ways in dealing with these issues rather than
> >>simply posting a mass email on an email list intended for blind students.
> >>
> >>There are several different hotlines where one can receive support
> >>for these specific issues, and can sometimes refer you to other
> >>local resources for ongoing support. I cannot recall any specific
> >>hotlines at the moment, but a simple internet search should provide
> >>some resources.
> >>
> >>If you are looking for counseling regarding the loss of a loved one,
> >>a local hospital should be able to provide you with some local
> >>resources to help support you during your loss. They may also be
> >>able to provide information regarding support groups for bipolar
> >>disorder as well.
> >>
> >>Other resources you may wish to check out include 211 and domestic
> >>violence crisis centers. The 211 service is a local service number
> >>that lists various community services. And although your personal
> >>situation with your girlfriend would not be classified as domestic
> >>violence, a crisis center may be able to provide you with some
> >>resources you can use to deal with your current relationship problem
> >>as well as give you some tools for building healthy relationships in
> >>the future.
> >>
> >>Finally, if you are a student, there are generally counselors on
> >>campus who can help you through emotional -term problems which
> >>prevent you from being a successful student. Services may range from
> >>personal counseling to referral services to other resources in the
> >> community.
> >>
> >>So while I believe expressing one's emotions is a rather healthy
> >>thing to do, it can be more helpful and beneficial to express them
> >>among a selected group of individuals rather than simply sharing
> >>them with the whole entire world.
> >>
> >>Respectfully,
> >>Elizabeth
> >>
> >>--------------------------------------------------
> >>From: "Desiree Oudinot" <turtlepower17 at gmail.com>
> >>Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 5:44 PM
> >>To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> >> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> >>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>
> >>>hi Elizabeth,
> >>>Your message wasn't directed at me, but I would like to come to Dave's
> >>>defense here a bit, since I also shared some personal things about
> >>>myself in my previous messages on this topic.
> >>>I'm sorry, but if an employer takes the time to hunt through the
> >>>archives of this list, and chooses not to hire me because I slipped
> >>>and let a bit of emotion show, that's really their loss. I can't tell
> >>>you how angry it makes me that most people in our society place no
> >>>value whatsoever on one's emotional state. When I was growing up, I
> >>>was told, in many different ways and by many people, directly and
> >>>indirectly, that expressing emotions is bad and that I would be a
> >>>failure in life for having them. As I've gotten older, I have seen how
> >>>so many people go through their lives, hating their jobs, hating their
> >>>lives, distrusting everyone, and all of this is a direct result of
> >>>suppressing emotions. I could make a solid case for the fact that
> >>>everything, from violence to infidelity in marriages to job
> >>>dissatisfaction, is directly related to this, but I know this list
> >>>isn't the place to go that deep into philosophical issues. What I feel
> >>>needs to be said is that exposing a so-called weakness, reaching out
> >>>in desperation because you don't know where to turn, shouldn't be a
> >>>cause to jump down someone's throat. I'm not saying that's what you
> >>>did, but I also feel that what Dave and I and a couple others did was
> >>>not inherently wrong. I don't think it will doom us or cause immediate
> >>>and permanent backlash.
> >>>
> >>>On 2/13/13, Elizabeth Mohnke <lizmohnke at hotmail.com> wrote:
> >>>>Hello David,
> >>>>
> >>>>I do not mean to minimize the pain of your personal situation, but I am
> >>>> not
> >>>>
> >>>>quite sure if this list is the appropriate place to share the intimate
> >>>>details of your personal relationship.
> >>>>
> >>>>The emails you post to this email list are stored in a public archive.
> >>>> This
> >>>>
> >>>>means that not only can your emails be viewed by those who are subscribed
> >>>> to
> >>>>
> >>>>this email list, but they can be viewed by anyone who has access to the
> >>>>internet. With this in mind, you may wish to think twice about sharing
> >>>> such
> >>>>
> >>>>personal information about yourself on this email list.
> >>>>
> >>>>In addition, the purpose of this email list is to discuss matters that
> >>>> are
> >>>>relevant to being a blind student. Please forgive me, but I fail to see
> >>>> how
> >>>>
> >>>>disclosing intimate details regarding a personal relationship relates to
> >>>> the
> >>>>
> >>>>intended purpose of this email list. I can see how relationships in
> >>>> general
> >>>>
> >>>>could be a relevant topic for this list, but I do not see how a specific
> >>>>individual detailed relationship problem would be considered
> >>>> appropriate
> >>>>for this email list.
> >>>>
> >>>>Again, I am sorry to hear you are having such difficulties in your
> >>>> personal
> >>>>
> >>>>life, but I believe the intimate details of your personal relationship
> >>>> would
> >>>>
> >>>>be more suited for conversations that take place in private emails
> >>>> rather
> >>>>than in a public email list.
> >>>>
> >>>>Respectfully,
> >>>>Elizabeth
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>--------------------------------------------------
> >>>>From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
> >>>>Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 4:08 PM
> >>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> >>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> >>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>>>
> >>>>>Hi Katie thanks for the post. I wanted to talk a bit about what
> >>>>> actually
> >>>>>happened between us. I found everything out last night. I had to
> >>>>> really
> >>>>>really talk to Terri about it. She finally told me. She said that
> >>>>> there
> >>>>>were some things about me that she thought she could handle in the
> >>>>>beginning
> >>>>>but when she through about it and when it actually happened she didn't
> >>>>>think
> >>>>>she could. One of the things was the crying spells I go through. I
> >>>>>suffer
> >>>>>from bipolar and my bipolar is more on the depressed side. My grandma
> >>>>>past
> >>>>>away just about 3 weeks ago and that's when the depression and the
> >>>>> crying
> >>>>>spells really started. It was hard for her because the crying spells
> >>>>>were
> >>>>>so intense and I would cry so hard, and I still do because this
> >>>>>relationship
> >>>>>didn't work out, but when my grandma died I would cry really hard.
> >>>>> Some
> >>>>>times they would last a wile. She wanted to tell me before that she
> >>>>>didn't
> >>>>>think she could handle those but she didn't. when she finally did tell
> >>>>>me
> >>>>>that's when she broke it off and before she told me that's when she
> >>>>>started
> >>>>>talking to this other person. If she would have said something in the
> >>>>>beginning it would have been easier. I guess she felt like she was on
> >>>>>egg
> >>>>>shells because she would talk about her grand parents or her family and
> >>>>>I'd
> >>>>>start to cry. I guess it was just really really hard for her.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>-----Original Message-----
> >>>>>From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti
> >>>>>Shelton
> >>>>>Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:17 PM
> >>>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Hi all,
> >>>>>
> >>>>>I've just finished a long distance relationship by way of ditching the
> >>>>>distance. I met my boyfriend of almost two years at a summer music
> >>>>>program
> >>>>>we both attended several years ago. We really hit it off the summer
> >>>>>before
> >>>>>my senior year and made the best of the long distance situation. We
> >>>>> were
> >>>>>both in school and involved in clubs and band and stuff, but we made it
> >>>>>work
> >>>>>the best we could. On our breaks he would come down to visit, and he
> >>>>>even
> >>>>>came for my senior prom so we could go together. (Despite all our
> >>>>> blind
> >>>>>moments we had with trying to find our way around unfamiliar territory
> >>>>>with
> >>>>>a lot of people in the room it was really fun). Last semester he
> >>>>>finished
> >>>>>up at his local community college and worked on transfering to a
> >>>>>university
> >>>>>in the same city as mine. Now instead of living 300 miles away from me
> >>>>>and
> >>>>>in another state our universities are pretty close and we can see each
> >>>>>other
> >>>>>every few weeks. Sure, we don't get to see each other every day, but
> >>>>>with
> >>>>>school for both of us it can't really be helped and it's a lot better
> >>>>>than
> >>>>>every few months.
> >>>>>I don't necessarily think being blind or sighted has anything to do
> >>>>> with
> >>>>>the
> >>>>>relationship. As Mauricio and others have said it all boils down to
> >>>>>preference of both people in the relationship, their communication
> >>>>>skills,
> >>>>>their patience for being in a long distance relationship, and a lot of
> >>>>>other
> >>>>>factors. I do agree that sometimes blind people appear to enter into
> >>>>>text-based relationships and get wrapped up in them more often than
> >>>>>sighted
> >>>>>people and this can sometimes be problematic, but otherwise blindness
> >>>>> is
> >>>>>just a trait, not a personality trait or something that really is
> >>>>>important
> >>>>>in a relationship. I don't think long distance relationships are bad,
> >>>>> or
> >>>>>that they just don't work. They're not for everyone, but if you're
> >>>>>committed and patient and the other person is too it can actually
> >>>>>strengthen
> >>>>>the relationship. I know I appreciate my situation now, and
> >>>>> appreciated
> >>>>>the
> >>>>>times when my boyfriend would come to visit, because they were
> >>>>>priviledges
> >>>>>for both of us.
> >>>>>High school long distance relationships sort of have their own
> >>>>>restrictions,
> >>>>>especially the further apart the people in the relationship are. It
> >>>>>always
> >>>>>made me sad when my friends in high school would complain about not
> >>>>>seeing
> >>>>>their boyfriends over the weekend, or if they would question if they'd
> >>>>>keep
> >>>>>the relationship going once they and their boyfriend started going to
> >>>>>different colleges in different cities because it seemed like they
> >>>>> really
> >>>>>didn't appreciate the time they spent with their boyfriend or were
> >>>>> really
> >>>>>willing to make things work.
> >>>>>School schedules, activities like sports and clubs, and family life
> >>>>> keep
> >>>>>high school kids busy. With the set schedules it's not like college
> >>>>>where
> >>>>>the people can meet for lunch or go out to dinner after or between
> >>>>>classes.
> >>>>>It's also a matter of transportation; bus tickets, gas, and certainly
> >>>>>plane
> >>>>>tickets cost money. Of course I champion that the goal of a long
> >>>>>distance
> >>>>>relationship should be to make it short distance assuming everything
> >>>>>works
> >>>>>out, but if that can't happen easily for transportation, money, and
> >>>>>school
> >>>>>reasons than you might as well be as happy as possible together and
> >>>>> make
> >>>>>things work as it sounds like Sophie is doing. It's just the practical
> >>>>>thing to do considering the circumstances. Kudos!
> >>>>>
> >>>>>On 2/12/13, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>I hope I didn't come off as saying that long distance relationships
> >>>>>>are bad. I didn't mean to. While this is still a very emotional topic
> >>>>>>for me, I fully respect the fact that for others, they don't go
> >>>>>>through what I went through. All I was trying to convey is that you
> >>>>>>should really keep both eyes, ears, and your heart and soul open when
> >>>>>>going into these situations. then again, if people thought deeply when
> >>>>>>going into any relationship, no matter how near or far the other
> >>>>>>person is, they might have more success. On the other hand, being
> >>>>>>overly analytical, as I have a tendency to be, has its drawbacks,
> >>>>>>namely that I go around and around in endless circles in my head,
> >>>>>>never being able to draw any conclusion, endlessly agonizing over
> >>>>>>every possible detail of things until I feel like I could explode.
> >>>>>>I understand, to a degree, what you're dealing with. I deal with
> >>>>>>depression and anxiety as well, and have for most of my life, so I
> >>>>>>know how people react to that news. In my last relationship, the guy I
> >>>>>>was with liked to tell me how weak I was for being depressed, and how
> >>>>>>I was unable to handle everyday stresses. Yet, he was on medications
> >>>>>>for depression and anxiety as well, so he was being quite
> >>>>>>hypocritical.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>>Um... I'M IN FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry if you
> >>>>>>>didn't know that... it just made me feel a little awkward. And, if
> >>>>>>>you don't mind Koby, I'd rather not share the personal details of the
> >>>>>>>relationship.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
> >>>>>>>From: "Koby Cox" <kobycox at gmail.com
> >>>>>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> >>>>>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>>>>>>Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:31:37 -0600
> >>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Sophie,
> >>>>>>>Are you guys engaged or can you tell me more about your alls relation
> >>>>>>>ship?
> >>>>>>>Thanks,
> >>>>>>>Koby.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>-----Original Message-----
> >>>>>>>From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Sophie
> >>>>>>>Trist
> >>>>>>>Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 6:56 PM
> >>>>>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives in
> >>>>>>>Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just chat
> >>>>>>>through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other since we
> >>>>>>>started being a couple. It's different, but it's feasible. A few bad
> >>>>>>>experiences isn't enough to say you hate relationships. I believe
> >>>>>>>that there is someone out there for everyone; it just takes time.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Sincerely,
> >>>>>>>Sophie
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
> >>>>>>>From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
> >>>>>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
> >>>>>>>list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
> >>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>I cry every day. I hate relationships, especially long whtance ones
> >>>>>>>they never work.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
> >>>>>>>From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
> >>>>>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> >>>>>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>>>>>>Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
> >>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Yea thanks. I think she did get scared but we had actually talked
> >>>>>>>about that. I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure. Its
> >>>>>>>gonna take some time to get over this. I've been going through a lot
> >>>>>>>of crying spells.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>-----Original Message-----
> >>>>>>>From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gloria G
> >>>>>>>Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
> >>>>>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >>>>>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Hi,
> >>>>>>>I am so sorry that happened to you. You seem like a really nice guy
> >>>>>>>and I think she just got scared. Maybe after things cool off you
> >>>>>>>guys can talk and figure out what happened. Well I hope you feel
> >>>>>>>better. Try doing something that is fun for you just to get your
> >>>>>>>mind off things.
> >>>>>>>----- Original Message -----
> >>>>>>>From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
> >>>>>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> >>>>>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>>>>>>Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
> >>>>>>>Subject: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Hello all. I'm Dave. I am not a student right now. I have
> >>>>>>> bipolar
> >>>>>>>and am unable to handle the stress of going to school. I know that
> >>>>>>>this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to post it
> >>>>>>>anyhow.
> >>>>>>> I just got out of a relationship. It was a long distance one whare
> >>>>>>>she lives in Michigan and I in California. We started talking at the
> >>>>>>>beginning of January right after new years. We didn't mean to but we
> >>>>>>>started to hit it off really really well. About a week or so later
> >>>>>>>she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan to see
> >>>>>>>her. If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna stay and
> >>>>>>>be with her. Right now I live in a board and care facility. It
> >>>>>>>turns out that for a couple of weeks probably when she bought the
> >>>>>>>tickets or pretty soonn after she began having doubts and fears
> >>>>>>>about the relationship. I had my doubts and had my fears as well
> >>>>>>>and knew this was a normal thing. We talked about them but a few
> >>>>>>>days later she called the relationship off because there were some
> >>>>>>>symptoms which were rather minor ones that she said she couldn't
> >>>>>>>handle. It turns out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy
> >>>>>>>in Colorado.
> >>>>>>>Mind
> >>>>>>> you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but I
> >>>>>>>feel like we had something. I feel like my emotions were played
> >>>>>>>with and I'm really hurt. I was just wondering if any of you who
> >>>>>>>want to could help me through this. I've been going through a lot
> >>>>>>>of crying spells.
> >>>>>>> During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma. She was 90 and
> >>>>>>>had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the tenth.
> >>>>>>> So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
> >>>>>>>Loosing my
> >>>>>>> grandma and loosing Terri. Terri was someone that I could love and
> >>>>>>>did love and still do. I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
> >>>>>>> This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as well
> >>>>>>>and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
> >>>>>>>Maybe
> >>>>>>> if any of you want to we could talk off list. I've been going
> >>>>>>>through a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through
> >>>>>>>them.
> >>>>>>>My
> >>>>>>> friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they
> >>>>>>> may
> >>>>>>>not be able to understand what's going on. I feel like I wasn't good
> >>>>>>>enough for her. I'm just really really hurt.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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> >>>>>
> >>>>>--
> >>>>>Kaiti
> >>>>>
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