[nabs-l] offensive questions
Miso Kwak
kwakmiso at aol.com
Tue May 28 05:19:53 UTC 2013
I have never been intrigued by any discussion on this list as this...
As many of you mentioned we get comments like "inspirational" and
"amazing".
What does the word "inspirational" mean anyways?
In the last 4 years as a high school student, I have been actively
involved and thankfully have been recognized in occasions and honestly
I can't be grateful for how my high school experiences have been.
Yet I have wondered "Is my life great because I am blind"?
Once a teacher told me that it's not my blindness but my drive and
passion that makes me who I am which I deeply appreciate to this day.
I am obviously inexperienced compare to the majority of you on this
list for I don't remember being asked questions like "How do you eat?"
or "How do you use restroom?" yet.
Most of the questions I get are from my peers or teachers so they were
mostly never felt rude to me.
Also as Misty mentioned I believe the culture plays a big role.
I am originally from South Korea where prejudice against people with
disabilities is stronger than here in the U.S.
What was surprising to me when I came here as a middle school student,
was that even in the US there were people who thought blind people as
incapable people or how overly anxious people were about my safety.
For instance, at my first school I had to fight the school district to
let me ride on school bus with my sighted peers instead of a van with
extra supervision.
In the end I think what's important is having people be exposed to
different types of disabilities or just difference in general from
early age.
I have some great sighted friends who know me as an individual and whom
I feel comfortable being around. I know that when we part after high
school when they meet other blind people later they will know how to
get along well.
I think we experience those "offensive questions" and treatments mostly
because of lack of knowledge and common sense.
-----Original Message-----
From: Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Mon, May 27, 2013 9:14 pm
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
Hello everybody. Its Dave. I don't know how many of you were on that
call
that we had with Pam but one of the things we talked about or one of
the
things that she talked about was the very thing we're talking about
right
now. that is how sighted people tend to think that what we do as blind
people is so amazing. I use to be upset whenever anyone had ever asked
me
anything like that. Now I just most of the time ignore it and go on my
way.
I don't really at the time have the time it takes to deprogram them.
One of
the things that Pam said was that we want to be thought of as amazing
if we
truly do something that is amazing. If someone who is blind let's say
wins
the nobel peace prize thaat is truly amazing whether or not they are
blind
or sighted. so what it is is that we want to be called amazing when we
as
blind people do something that is truly amazing.
-----Original Message-----
From: Desiree Oudinot
Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 8:59 PM
To: Misty Dawn Bradley ; National Association of Blind Students mailing
list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
Misty,
I've gotten questions like that, too, and many reactions like the ones
you've described. For the one about walking around your own house,
that one especially makes me crazy. Like sighted people have never
stumbled to the bathroom in the middle of the night, in the dark?
Sometimes, I think people just lack common sense, which, frankly, is
becoming more and more uncommon.
As for the other situation you described, I don't know how I would
have handled that. you were right to walk away. When a person can't
take no for an answer, or "I'm fine, thank you", their issue goes far
deeper than just ignorance about your disability. You have to wonder
if they can set boundaries in their other relationships as well. It's
like the people who grab you as you're walking down the street,
minding your own business and walking purposefully, not lost or
anything. At least the ones who pity you but keep their distance have
some semblance of common sense, and of what personal space is. Those
other people, obviously, do not.
On 5/27/13, Misty Dawn Bradley <mistydbradley at gmail.com> wrote:
> Desiree,
> I agree with you. I can understand if the questions are not obvious,
such
> as
> how a blind person uses a computer or even how we travel, but I get
crazy
> questions like you have mentioned. The ones I get a lot are:
> "How do you cook?"
> "How do you clean?"
> "Who helps you around the house? You don't have ANYONE helping you?"
> Also, I notice that if I answer the questions with what I actually do
and
> that I don't have help, that person acts surprised and acts like it
is
> such
> a travesty that I live alone with my young daughter and have no help
or
> anyone doing everything for me, even so I have been on my own for
about 7
> years now. When I explain that I do cook on my own, the person
responds
> very
> surprised and tells me, "Be careful, be careful when you cook!" I had
this
> experience just yesterday, and I found that my explanations got me
nowhere
> and just made them even more surprised and afraid I guess, and it
made me
> feel very frustrated, as if I was an invalid who needed constant,
> around-the-clock care or something. I was actually out yesterday, and
> after
> all of the questions this person asked me, the person proceeded to
not
> allow
> me to do anything for myself while there, even so I frequent that
> particular
> place at least once weekly and know how to get around it using my
cane.
> This
> person followed me absolutely everywhere and kept grabbing onto me and
> giving me unnecessary directions, even though I explained to her that
I
> knew
> the area and didn't need help, and the way she spoke to me was as if
I
> were
> a small child. I ended up leaving to go home early before everyone
else
> because I got fed up with the way I was being treated. I couldn't
even
> stand
> up out of my seat without being asked, "Where are you going?" and
being
> told
> to sit back down and that they would do whatever it was that I was
trying
> to
> do for me.
> Anyway, I hope I didn't digress from the topic at hand, but this just
goes
> to show that some people don't want to be educated about what blind
people
> can do and seem to want to contain the blind person into a box. I do
find
> that there are some that are genuinely curious and really want to be
> educated, but some, like the person I mentioned above, don't pay
attention
> to explanations of how you do things as a blind person or even think
that
> you can do things for yourself. I find this especially when dealing
with
> people, like this person above, from countries and cultures where
blind
> people are viewed as less or that they are not able to do anything for
> themselves without someone doing everything for them.
> Misty
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Desiree Oudinot" <turtlepower17 at gmail.com>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 7:48 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>
>
>> Hi,
>> I agree with what has been said here so far. Sighted people often
>> don't know how they would do something if they were blind. to them,
>> sight is 95% of their existance. I don't get offended by questions
>> such as how I use a computer, or how I travel independently. Those
>> kind of questions make sense, once you put yourself in their shoes.
>> For the average, nondisabled person, any kind of disability is
>> paralyzingly frightening. It's better to ease their minds, which
will,
>> hopefully, help them to understand what's possible for a blind person
>> to accomplish. If you remove the fear from a situation, it allows for
>> more clear thinking. what I have little tolerance for are the truly
>> ignorant questions, like how do you eat when You can't see? Or how
do
>> you go to the bathroom? Now, come on. the average sighted person
knows
>> that they're not watching their mouths while they eat, or watching
>> behind them after they take care of their business. Those kind of
>> questions are idiotic, and should be dealt with accordingly. Besides,
>> I don't think a sighted person would dare ask just any random
stranger
>> those questions, regardless of what they felt the person's abilities
>> and limits were. How is it all right for people to cross those
>> boundaries just because a person is blind? I feel violated when a
>> perfect stranger asks me questions like that out of the blue.
>>
>> On 5/27/13, Miso Kwak <kwakmiso at aol.com> wrote:
>>> I get similar questions like "If you are blind how do you march in a
>>> marching band?" "How do you use Facebook?"
>>> I have never thought of them as offensive thought because I would be
>>> asking the same thing if I were in the shoes of those who ask me
such
>>> questions.
>>> I think it's important that we have an open mind and be equipped to
>>> explain and share.
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Anna Givens <annajee82 at gmail.com>
>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Mon, May 27, 2013 2:45 pm
>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>>>
>>> I totally agree! And as a formerly "sighted" person I will say that
>>> people are afraid to ask questions, because they are afraid to
offend.
>>>
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>
>>> On May 25, 2013, at 1:40 AM, The weird writer
>>> <weirdwriter9891 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> The restaurant bustles with activity as my date and I sit opposite
>>> each other, talking about ourselves and what we do. To my immediate
>>> right, a woman is talking to her mom on her cell phone about the
>>> baseball game she missed. Different smells bounce off my nose as men
>>> and women pass us making their way to their tables. Dishes clatter
in
>>> the kitchen behind me, and my date’s cologne, masked over with
>>> deodorant, sprays my sense of smell as I gaze towards his ebony
>>> accented voice. We’re chatting jovially, our laughter dicing holes
in
>>> conversations around us, making people stop, and, I'm sure, stare at
>>> this interracial gay couple.
>>>>
>>>> When the dishes come, we get into the topic of careers. He's a
>>> teacher. With a mouth full, and hesitation dotting his syllables
like
>>> rain, he asks me a very important question.
>>>>
>>>> “If you’re blind, how can you be a journalist?”
>>>>
>>>> Instantly the talons rise, and my fingers toy with the idea of
>>> creeping towards his throat. A dozen retorts bang into my head as
if it
>>> were a chamber full of bullets, ready to blast this rude insensitive
>>> sighted person away. After a split second however, I suddenly
realize
>>> that he's never seen adaptive technology, and he's never seen a
Braille
>>> display, and he's certainly never seen a victor reader stream or a
>>> computer with a screen reader before. He's not in my world and he
never
>>> was. Taking a deep breath, I explain how I'm a journalist when I'm
>>> blind, all with a huge smile on my face. The reason I choose to
answer
>>> all his questions, and many others, instead of following my gut
>>> instinct to be sarcastic is, he may not be in my world, but I know
he
>>> can be if I just teach him.
>>>>
>>>> Whenever I hang around blind people and we make jokes about speech
>>> synthesizers that sighted people wouldn't understand a sentence is
>>> uttered without fail. Sooner or later, we get to talking about
sighted
>>> people and their lack of blindness knowledge. The words fly at me
like
>>> sharp bullets that are not meant for me. They’re angry at the
sighted
>>> people who ask us how we type on a computer. It's an angry question
>>> that's become a common one in the blindness community.
>>>>
>>>> “They should know better. Why are they so stupid?”
>>>>
>>>> When that's uttered, I immediately see things through the sighted
>>> point of view. The truth is, they won’t be an expert about blindness
>>> ways or technology. They shouldn’t know better because no one knows
>>> everything, especially about a different way of living. They
shouldn’t
>>> know better. Instead, we have to get angry less, and educate more.
>>>>
>>>> Education is the key of knowledge that will turn itself, unlocking
>>> the right doors if the right direction is given. Among the disabled
>>> community who tend to get angry when they're asked to educate, this
>>> applies to people with HIV and aids as well.
>>>>
>>>> I've seen countless instances where someone with HIV or AIDS gets
>>> offended when a potential partner asks him if he will contract if
they
>>> exchange saliva. The contracted person became offended, and stormed
>>> off, hurt. Upon further investigation, I learned that his date
didn't
>>> even know what HIV did. He didn't even know that it didn't have a
cure.
>>>>
>>>> A lot of people say ignorance is bliss, but it's also a divider.
Even
>>> today, the biggest hurtle that we all have to overcome is inclusion
and
>>> acceptance, even among the gay community, disabled community, and
HIV
>>> community. In today's day and age, just simple curiosity could ruin
a
>>> good friendship or relationship because of “offensive questions.”
That
>>> divide grows because we are easily offended at the questions we
asked
>>> ourselves at one point.
>>>>
>>>> When I was learning the bus route for my daily commutes, I wondered
>>> if it would even work, me having to travel on the bus for field
>>> reporting. I've asked the same question as my restaurant date. “How
am
>>> I going to be a journalist?” with patience, and persistence, I
figured
>>> out the answers with trial and error and learning from my own past
>>> mistakes. If I would have let my own question offend me then I
wouldn't
>>> have figured out the answer.
>>>>
>>>> I don't have HIV but I had to ask the above question in order to
find
>>> out that you can't get HIV from a small exchange of saliva. I know
now
>>> how to better do my job as a blind journalist because I had to find
an
>>> answer. I couldn't let those two questions go unanswered. If I did,
>>> then how blissful would I be, ignorant about knowledge that would
help
>>> someone else as well as me in the future.
>>>>
>>>> I don't think anyone should remain in the dark if I have an answer
to
>>> a question. Answers, with all their simplicity sprinkle awareness
along
>>> with their validity. Not far behind awareness comes understanding,
and
>>> soon, acceptance. An answer to a seemingly offensive question
doesn't
>>> just satisfy curiosity but it opens up a door to understand. There
are
>>> a lot of other positive things behind that door even if they’re not
>>> visible immediately. Some effects are immediate, such as inclusion,
and
>>> others are far off, such as advocacy born from awareness.
>>>>
>>>> When I look around and see a world that's divided as it is, I don’t
>>> want to divide it even more just because someone asks me how I use a
>>> computer. If education breeds positive results then people who live
in
>>> different conditions should educate others how they do it. it's the
>>> only way to end these “offensive questions.”
>>>>
>>>> The goal of inclusion is to do just that, include. My sighted date
>>> lives in an ethnic world I'll never completely understand because
I've
>>> never lived through the discriminatory history but I can ask
questions,
>>> and with each answer, I'm no longer on the outside anymore. We’re
>>> together. With every answer I give about my adaptive life, we’re
coming
>>> together in a way that offended people won’t be able to do for a
very
>>> long time. He understands me now and that's the most valuable
education
>>> I could ever give.
>>>>
>>>> If people really want to have us unite to stand for a positive
voice
>>> then we can't widen the distance because we’re offended at
questions.
>>> Instead, we should open our world to people and share as much as we
>>> can, if asked. If we keep doing that I know that the door will open
>>> wide enough to let all of us through to a better world, a world
where
>>> we all know each other, stand for one another, and unite for
equality
>>> and embrace the best teacher of all, differences. That would make a
>>> beautifully educated world, one where I’d be happy to say that this
>>> positive change was the result of answering offensive questions.
>>>>
>>>> /*See below for resume, writing links, social media links, and
other
>>> writing archives
>>>> */
>>>>
>>>> *Click here to view my resume*
>>>>
>>>
<http://s.wisestamp.com/links?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmy.indeed.com%2Fme%2Fking
>>> ettresume%3Fsubfrom%3Dt>
>>>>
>>>> *
>>>>
>>>
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>>> t%2Fpub%3Fid%3D1rASWYM_d-JajxmIKycBzVNgdwhJgUePAw1_IBFchglY>*
>>>>
>>>> *Click here to see my writing archive
>>>
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>>> t%2Fpub%3Fid%3D1rASWYM_d-JajxmIKycBzVNgdwhJgUePAw1_IBFchglY>*
>>>>
>>>> *Click here to view my website/
>>>> /
>>>
<http://s.wisestamp.com/links?url=http%3A%2F%2Frobertkingett.com%2F>*
>>>>
>>>> */
>>>> /*
>>>>
>>>> */writer for Chicago Theater Beat/ *
>>>> *Tel: 850 764 2161 *
>>>>
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