[nabs-l] offensive questions

Tue May 28 22:45:41 UTC 2013

Um, have you finished reading the Blindness book? I haven't read it,
but have been told that when the people go blind, they become so
helpless that they defecate on the floor. Enough said.

Arielle

On 5/28/13, Miso Kwak <kwakmiso at aol.com> wrote:
> LOL I had to laugh reading Melissa's email. haha
> I recommend a novel entitled Blindness by Jose Saramago. It's available
> on Bookshare.
> Although advocacy for the blind is not the central theme it's an
> interesting read for us blind people.
> In the novel, everybody in the world except for one person goes blind.
> I read this book in my AP Literature class and as one of follow-up
> activities, the teacher divided my class into small groups and did an
> activity where a sighted reader would take the rest of the assigned
> small group(blind-folded) to different locations on the campus.
> Aside from the book, at a leadership camp I went to for one of the
> activities we did, the campers were divided into two groups: sighted
> and blind-folded.
> The sighted students had to take the blind-folded to dining hall make
> sure the blind-folded gets fed.
> Although its main lessons were learning how to request help, how to be
> a reliable person, empathy, respect, etc I thought it was an
> educational activity.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: melissa Green <lissa1531 at gmail.com>
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tue, May 28, 2013 3:31 pm
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>
> If I ruled the world.
> All of the sighted people would be blind for a few years.
> The blind would be in control and we would do all the patronizing
> things
> that they do to us to them.
> *dreamful sigh*.
>
> Sincerely,
> Melissa and Pj
> "Forever is composed of nows." -Emily Dickinson
> facebook Melissa R Green
> Linkedin www.linkedin.com/in/melissagreen5674
> skype: lissa5674
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Arielle Silverman" <arielle71 at gmail.com>
> To: "Misty Dawn Bradley" <MistyDBradley at gmail.com>; "National
> Association of
> Blind Students mailing list" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 7:45 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>
>
> Misty,
> What happened to you yesterday sounds very aggravating. If I may ask,
> was this offending person an employee at an establishment where you
> were hanging out, or just someone who was part of your social group?
> If she was an employee, then perhaps you might want to call the
> manager and complain about what happened? It's one thing to ask
> questions, but what's maddening about this situation is that it sounds
> like you told her how you do things, and how you prefer to be treated,
> and she simply didn't listen. I often feel like strangers I encounter
> on the street don't fully listen to what I am saying. Sometimes if I
> do need some information and ask a question, they don't really listen
> to my question and just say what they think I want to hear. For
> example, on Saturday I was walking through a parking lot to get to a
> restaurant. There was a sidewalk path, but I remembered that it had
> been under construction and was walking in  the parking lot to avoid
> the construction. Someone came up and offered to help me get back on
> the sidewalk. I asked him if the sidewalk barricades had been removed,
> but instead of answering me he kept saying he wanted to help me get
> back on the sidewalk and going on about how dangerous it was for me to
> be walking in the parking lot. Anyway, I finally had to stop him and
> say "Could you please answer the question I'm asking you? Are there
> barricades on the sidewalk?" and finally he told me the barricades had
> been removed. It would have gone much faster for both of us if he had
> just answered my original question the first time and then I could
> have moved to the sidewalk without assistance.
> I also think the patronizing actions of others are most frustrating of
> all. Too often I have people patting me on the arm or telling me I'm
> doing a good job as I walk by them, as if I need a cheerleader. I
> sometimes am tempted to grab some of these people, inform them that I
> will be receiving my Ph.D. in the next year, and then ask them if they
> would speak to an adult of my educational stature this way?
> As a psychologist I am really intrigued by the ways that sighted
> people think about how they would behave if they became blind. It has
> been well-documented that people neglect how much they can, and would,
> adapt to new situations over time. The fact is that if any of these
> doubting sighted folks became blind, they would have to adapt in order
> to keep living their lives. Some of them might lapse into depression,
> or be rich enough to hire full-time help with everything, but most of
> these people would be resilient enough (and practical enough) to learn
> the exact same skills we take for granted. However, sighted people
> looking into the future don't realize that this would happen. In one
> of my blindness simulation experiments I actually asked sighted people
> how well they thought they could perform various activities if they
> became blind, and most said they thought they would be extremely
> incapable. Notably, this was worse for those who had just been
> blindfolded and asked to walk around with a cane without any training.
> The participants' ratings of how capable they would be as blind people
> were closely related to their ratings of how capable actual blind
> people would be at the exact same tasks, suggesting that sighted
> people think about how they would do it and then use that prediction
> to make a judgment about how others would do the same thing blind.
> I think when we work on educating people, we want to get across to
> them that blindness techniques are things that pretty much anyone can
> learn. Those of us who have learned blindness techniques aren't
> special and we don't have superpowers. We just learned these skills
> because we were motivated to do normal things and we had no other
> choice but to use the alternative skills. It's simply not practical
> for most of us to have sighted help doing everything, and when we do
> take sighted assistance there is often a cost of some sort (monetary
> cost, being a burden on others or giving up some of our freedom). So
> to minimize these costs we figure out nonvisual ways to get things
> done. That's it.
>
> Arielle
>
> On 5/27/13, Misty Dawn Bradley <mistydbradley at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Arielle,
>> I get those same comments about being "amazing" or "inspiring" also. I
>> usually just respond by saying that I am a normal person who is just
> doing
>> what they need to do in life. I try to explain also how I do it if
> there
>> is
>> time, but usually I do not know what to say either, so I just tell
> them
>> that
>> I just do what I need to do like other people do. A lot of sighted
> people
>> tell me that they could never travel independently or do anything on
> their
>> own if they were blind and that they would have someone doing
> everything
>> for
>> them all of the time. I just tell them that there are things in life
> that
>> need to get done, such as grocery shopping, working, and many other
> daily
>> things, and it is much easier and makes me feel more free and
> independent
>> to
>> do these things when I want to do them instead of always relying on
>> everyone
>> to take me or do it for me on their own time. I have a lot more
> freedom
>> and
>> flexibility that way. Sometimes, when I put it that way, they can
>> understand
>> somewhat what I mean, and they will tell me so.
>> Misty
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Arielle Silverman" <arielle71 at gmail.com>
>> To: <jsoro620 at gmail.com>; "National Association of Blind Students
> mailing
>> list" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 8:42 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>>
>>
>>> Agreed. Unfortunately there are times when people ask questions out
> of
>>> doubt or sarcasm rather than out of true curiosity. They already
>>> believe we can't do something and answering their question about how
>>> we do it doesn't persuade them to give us a job, or a second date, or
>>> whatever. Sometimes it's hard to tell if a question is asked out of
>>> curiosity or if the questioner has already made up his/her mind.
>>> However, I do think we should give folks the benefit of the doubt and
>>> at least attempt to educate them the best we can. We don't want
>>> well-intentioned folks to feel they have to bottle their questions
>>> inside and never learn what they want to learn about blindness. I
> also
>>> agree that if a question crosses personal boundaries, such as a
>>> question about how we handle toilet matters, then it should be
>>> addressed more assertively. I have luckily not been asked any
>>> questions that I found to be rude or invasive, but I know others have
>>> at times.
>>> I don't mind answering (appropriate) questions at all, but I am
> always
>>> stumped when some stranger tells me I am
>>> amazing/brave/inspiring/courageous. I can never figure out how to
>>> respond in such a way that acknowledges their goodwill but also
>>> attempts to educate them about the fact I am not very amazing or
> brave
>>> just because I can walk somewhere by myself. I could just say "thank
>>> you" and move on, but I don't like doing that because I feel like by
>>> thanking them I am validating what they think about blind people
> being
>>> amazing for doing the simplest things. Sometimes I find myself just
>>> ignoring the comment because I don't know what to say. Other times I
>>> will attempt to briefly explain the relevant techniques that I use,
> if
>>> time allows and if they seem interested. How do you handle this?
>>>
>>> Arielle
>>>
>>> On 5/27/13, Joe <jsoro620 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Damn, this stupid JAWS thing isn't letting me respond to sender.
> LOL
>>>> Just
>>>>
>>>> to
>>>> chime in that I thought this was an excellent and well-written
> post. I'm
>>>> sure you're a superb journalist.--Joe
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of The
> weird
>>>> writer
>>>> Sent: Saturday, May 25, 2013 1:40 AM
>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>>>>
>>>> The restaurant bustles with activity as my date and I sit opposite
> each
>>>> other, talking about ourselves and what we do. To my immediate
> right, a
>>>> woman is talking to her mom on her cell phone about the baseball
> game
>>>> she
>>>> missed. Different smells bounce off my nose as men and women pass us
>>>> making
>>>> their way to their tables. Dishes clatter in the kitchen behind me,
> and
>>>> my
>>>> date’s cologne, masked over with deodorant, sprays my sense of
> smell as
>>>> I
>>>> gaze towards his ebony accented voice. We’re chatting jovially, our
>>>> laughter
>>>> dicing holes in conversations around us, making people stop, and,
> I'm
>>>> sure,
>>>> stare at this interracial gay couple.
>>>>
>>>> When the dishes come, we get into the topic of careers. He's a
> teacher.
>>>> With a mouth full, and hesitation dotting his syllables like rain,
> he
>>>> asks
>>>> me a very important question.
>>>>
>>>> “If you’re blind, how can you be a journalist?”
>>>>
>>>> Instantly the talons rise, and my fingers toy with the idea of
> creeping
>>>> towards his throat. A dozen retorts bang into my head as if it were
> a
>>>> chamber full of bullets, ready to blast this rude insensitive
> sighted
>>>> person
>>>> away. After a split second however, I suddenly realize that he's
> never
>>>> seen
>>>> adaptive technology, and he's never seen a Braille display, and he's
>>>> certainly never seen a victor reader stream or a computer with a
> screen
>>>> reader before. He's not in my world and he never was. Taking a deep
>>>> breath,
>>>> I explain how I'm a journalist when I'm blind, all with a huge
> smile on
>>>> my
>>>> face. The reason I choose to answer all his questions, and many
> others,
>>>> instead of following my gut instinct to be sarcastic is, he may not
> be
>>>> in
>>>>
>>>> my
>>>> world, but I know he can be if I just teach him.
>>>>
>>>> Whenever I hang around blind people and we make jokes about speech
>>>> synthesizers that sighted people wouldn't understand a sentence is
>>>> uttered
>>>> without fail. Sooner or later, we get to talking about sighted
> people
>>>> and
>>>> their lack of blindness knowledge. The words fly at me like sharp
>>>> bullets
>>>> that are not meant for me. They’re angry at the sighted people who
> ask
>>>> us
>>>> how we type on a computer. It's an angry question that's become a
> common
>>>> one
>>>> in the blindness community.
>>>>
>>>> “They should know better. Why are they so stupid?”
>>>>
>>>> When that's uttered, I immediately see things through the sighted
> point
>>>> of
>>>> view. The truth is, they won’t be an expert about blindness ways or
>>>> technology. They shouldn’t know better because no one knows
> everything,
>>>> especially about a different way of living. They shouldn’t know
> better.
>>>> Instead, we have to get angry less, and educate more.
>>>>
>>>> Education is the key of knowledge that will turn itself, unlocking
> the
>>>> right
>>>> doors if the right direction is given. Among the disabled community
> who
>>>> tend
>>>> to get angry when they're asked to educate, this applies to people
> with
>>>> HIV
>>>> and aids as well.
>>>>
>>>> I've seen countless instances where someone with HIV or AIDS gets
>>>> offended
>>>> when a potential partner asks him if he will contract if they
> exchange
>>>> saliva. The contracted person became offended, and stormed off,
> hurt.
>>>> Upon
>>>> further investigation, I learned that his date didn't even know
> what HIV
>>>> did. He didn't even know that it didn't have a cure.
>>>>
>>>> A lot of people say ignorance is bliss, but it's also a divider.
> Even
>>>> today,
>>>> the biggest hurtle that we all have to overcome is inclusion and
>>>> acceptance,
>>>> even among the gay community, disabled community, and HIV
> community. In
>>>> today's day and age, just simple curiosity could ruin a good
> friendship
>>>> or
>>>> relationship because of “offensive questions.” That divide grows
> because
>>>> we
>>>> are easily offended at the questions we asked ourselves at one
> point.
>>>>
>>>> When I was learning the bus route for my daily commutes, I wondered
> if
>>>> it
>>>> would even work, me having to travel on the bus for field reporting.
>>>> I've asked the same question as my restaurant date. “How am I going
> to
>>>> be
>>>>
>>>> a
>>>> journalist?” with patience, and persistence, I figured out the
> answers
>>>> with
>>>> trial and error and learning from my own past mistakes. If I would
> have
>>>> let
>>>> my own question offend me then I wouldn't have figured out the
> answer.
>>>>
>>>> I don't have HIV but I had to ask the above question in order to
> find
>>>> out
>>>> that you can't get HIV from a small exchange of saliva. I know now
> how
>>>> to
>>>> better do my job as a blind journalist because I had to find an
> answer.
>>>> I
>>>> couldn't let those two questions go unanswered. If I did, then how
>>>> blissful
>>>> would I be, ignorant about knowledge that would help someone else
> as
>>>> well
>>>>
>>>> as
>>>> me in the future.
>>>>
>>>> I don't think anyone should remain in the dark if I have an answer
> to a
>>>> question. Answers, with all their simplicity sprinkle awareness
> along
>>>> with
>>>> their validity. Not far behind awareness comes understanding, and
> soon,
>>>> acceptance. An answer to a seemingly offensive question doesn't just
>>>> satisfy
>>>> curiosity but it opens up a door to understand. There are a lot of
> other
>>>> positive things behind that door even if they’re not visible
>>>> immediately.
>>>> Some effects are immediate, such as inclusion, and others are far
> off,
>>>> such
>>>> as advocacy born from awareness.
>>>>
>>>> When I look around and see a world that's divided as it is, I don’t
> want
>>>> to
>>>> divide it even more just because someone asks me how I use a
> computer.
>>>> If
>>>> education breeds positive results then people who live in different
>>>> conditions should educate others how they do it. it's the only way
> to
>>>> end
>>>> these “offensive questions.”
>>>>
>>>> The goal of inclusion is to do just that, include. My sighted date
> lives
>>>> in
>>>> an ethnic world I'll never completely understand because I've never
>>>> lived
>>>> through the discriminatory history but I can ask questions, and
> with
>>>> each
>>>> answer, I'm no longer on the outside anymore. We’re together.
>>>> With every answer I give about my adaptive life, we’re coming
> together
>>>> in
>>>>
>>>> a
>>>> way that offended people won’t be able to do for a very long time.
>>>> He understands me now and that's the most valuable education I
> could
>>>> ever
>>>> give.
>>>>
>>>> If people really want to have us unite to stand for a positive
> voice
>>>> then
>>>>
>>>> we
>>>> can't widen the distance because we’re offended at questions.
>>>> Instead, we should open our world to people and share as much as we
> can,
>>>> if
>>>> asked. If we keep doing that I know that the door will open wide
> enough
>>>> to
>>>> let all of us through to a better world, a world where we all know
> each
>>>> other, stand for one another, and unite for equality and embrace
> the
>>>> best
>>>> teacher of all, differences. That would make a beautifully educated
>>>> world,
>>>> one where I’d be happy to say that this positive change was the
> result
>>>> of
>>>> answering offensive questions.
>>>>
>>>> /*See below for resume, writing links, social media links, and other
>>>> writing
>>>> archives */
>>>>
>>>> *Click here to view my resume*
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