[nabs-l] offensive questions

Tue May 28 23:25:42 UTC 2013

Melissa,
actually your raaction sounds reasonable. you want people to speak to you 
not the dog or recognize your dog only.
Great point that no one praises our canes; but they will say good dog all 
the time.

I think when people do that, I'd say "don't disturb my working dog please." 
then talk about you. say your name and what you do to deflect attention of f 
the dog.

Ashley

-----Original Message----- 
From: melissa Green
Sent: Tuesday, May 28, 2013 6:29 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions

You are so right arielle.
I don't know how to respond either to the amazing and other comments.
Like you I try to educate them, or say something like its what I have to do
to be successful my in life.
I would say that not to be rude is also very helpful.
I can't count the times that people have said to me that I treat them with
respect and thank me for not being rude.
then they tell me about a blind person that was rude and nasty to them.
Here is something that I hav discovered.
When I was using my cane people never said good cane!, taking care of your
mama.
With a dog, I get that a lot.
Also, people expect the dog to be an ixebreaker.
She isn't that for me at all.
I know blind people who do say that their dogs made their social lives.
I am not one of those people.
I don't like it when people aproach me because now I have a dog, and I don't
like it when people talk to the dog and not to me.
Many people would say that I am strange for having these reactions.
Sincerely,
Melissa and Pj
"Forever is composed of nows." -Emily Dickinson
facebook Melissa R Green
Linkedin www.linkedin.com/in/melissagreen5674
skype: lissa5674

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Arielle Silverman" <arielle71 at gmail.com>
To: <jsoro620 at gmail.com>; "National Association of Blind Students mailing
list" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 6:42 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions

Agreed. Unfortunately there are times when people ask questions out of
doubt or sarcasm rather than out of true curiosity. They already
believe we can't do something and answering their question about how
we do it doesn't persuade them to give us a job, or a second date, or
whatever. Sometimes it's hard to tell if a question is asked out of
curiosity or if the questioner has already made up his/her mind.
However, I do think we should give folks the benefit of the doubt and
at least attempt to educate them the best we can. We don't want
well-intentioned folks to feel they have to bottle their questions
inside and never learn what they want to learn about blindness. I also
agree that if a question crosses personal boundaries, such as a
question about how we handle toilet matters, then it should be
addressed more assertively. I have luckily not been asked any
questions that I found to be rude or invasive, but I know others have
at times.
I don't mind answering (appropriate) questions at all, but I am always
stumped when some stranger tells me I am
amazing/brave/inspiring/courageous. I can never figure out how to
respond in such a way that acknowledges their goodwill but also
attempts to educate them about the fact I am not very amazing or brave
just because I can walk somewhere by myself. I could just say "thank
you" and move on, but I don't like doing that because I feel like by
thanking them I am validating what they think about blind people being
amazing for doing the simplest things. Sometimes I find myself just
ignoring the comment because I don't know what to say. Other times I
will attempt to briefly explain the relevant techniques that I use, if
time allows and if they seem interested. How do you handle this?

Arielle

On 5/27/13, Joe <jsoro620 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Damn, this stupid JAWS thing isn't letting me respond to sender. LOL Just
> to
> chime in that I thought this was an excellent and well-written post. I'm
> sure you're a superb journalist.--Joe
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of The weird
> writer
> Sent: Saturday, May 25, 2013 1:40 AM
> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>
> The restaurant bustles with activity as my date and I sit opposite each
> other, talking about ourselves and what we do. To my immediate right, a
> woman is talking to her mom on her cell phone about the baseball game she
> missed. Different smells bounce off my nose as men and women pass us
> making
> their way to their tables. Dishes clatter in the kitchen behind me, and my
> date’s cologne, masked over with deodorant, sprays my sense of smell as I
> gaze towards his ebony accented voice. We’re chatting jovially, our
> laughter
> dicing holes in conversations around us, making people stop, and, I'm
> sure,
> stare at this interracial gay couple.
>
> When the dishes come, we get into the topic of careers. He's a teacher.
> With a mouth full, and hesitation dotting his syllables like rain, he asks
> me a very important question.
>
> “If you’re blind, how can you be a journalist?”
>
> Instantly the talons rise, and my fingers toy with the idea of creeping
> towards his throat. A dozen retorts bang into my head as if it were a
> chamber full of bullets, ready to blast this rude insensitive sighted
> person
> away. After a split second however, I suddenly realize that he's never
> seen
> adaptive technology, and he's never seen a Braille display, and he's
> certainly never seen a victor reader stream or a computer with a screen
> reader before. He's not in my world and he never was. Taking a deep
> breath,
> I explain how I'm a journalist when I'm blind, all with a huge smile on my
> face. The reason I choose to answer all his questions, and many others,
> instead of following my gut instinct to be sarcastic is, he may not be in
> my
> world, but I know he can be if I just teach him.
>
> Whenever I hang around blind people and we make jokes about speech
> synthesizers that sighted people wouldn't understand a sentence is uttered
> without fail. Sooner or later, we get to talking about sighted people and
> their lack of blindness knowledge. The words fly at me like sharp bullets
> that are not meant for me. They’re angry at the sighted people who ask us
> how we type on a computer. It's an angry question that's become a common
> one
> in the blindness community.
>
> “They should know better. Why are they so stupid?”
>
> When that's uttered, I immediately see things through the sighted point of
> view. The truth is, they won’t be an expert about blindness ways or
> technology. They shouldn’t know better because no one knows everything,
> especially about a different way of living. They shouldn’t know better.
> Instead, we have to get angry less, and educate more.
>
> Education is the key of knowledge that will turn itself, unlocking the
> right
> doors if the right direction is given. Among the disabled community who
> tend
> to get angry when they're asked to educate, this applies to people with
> HIV
> and aids as well.
>
> I've seen countless instances where someone with HIV or AIDS gets offended
> when a potential partner asks him if he will contract if they exchange
> saliva. The contracted person became offended, and stormed off, hurt. Upon
> further investigation, I learned that his date didn't even know what HIV
> did. He didn't even know that it didn't have a cure.
>
> A lot of people say ignorance is bliss, but it's also a divider. Even
> today,
> the biggest hurtle that we all have to overcome is inclusion and
> acceptance,
> even among the gay community, disabled community, and HIV community. In
> today's day and age, just simple curiosity could ruin a good friendship or
> relationship because of “offensive questions.” That divide grows because
> we
> are easily offended at the questions we asked ourselves at one point.
>
> When I was learning the bus route for my daily commutes, I wondered if it
> would even work, me having to travel on the bus for field reporting.
> I've asked the same question as my restaurant date. “How am I going to be
> a
> journalist?” with patience, and persistence, I figured out the answers
> with
> trial and error and learning from my own past mistakes. If I would have
> let
> my own question offend me then I wouldn't have figured out the answer.
>
> I don't have HIV but I had to ask the above question in order to find out
> that you can't get HIV from a small exchange of saliva. I know now how to
> better do my job as a blind journalist because I had to find an answer. I
> couldn't let those two questions go unanswered. If I did, then how
> blissful
> would I be, ignorant about knowledge that would help someone else as well
> as
> me in the future.
>
> I don't think anyone should remain in the dark if I have an answer to a
> question. Answers, with all their simplicity sprinkle awareness along with
> their validity. Not far behind awareness comes understanding, and soon,
> acceptance. An answer to a seemingly offensive question doesn't just
> satisfy
> curiosity but it opens up a door to understand. There are a lot of other
> positive things behind that door even if they’re not visible immediately.
> Some effects are immediate, such as inclusion, and others are far off,
> such
> as advocacy born from awareness.
>
> When I look around and see a world that's divided as it is, I don’t want
> to
> divide it even more just because someone asks me how I use a computer. If
> education breeds positive results then people who live in different
> conditions should educate others how they do it. it's the only way to end
> these “offensive questions.”
>
> The goal of inclusion is to do just that, include. My sighted date lives
> in
> an ethnic world I'll never completely understand because I've never lived
> through the discriminatory history but I can ask questions, and with each
> answer, I'm no longer on the outside anymore. We’re together.
> With every answer I give about my adaptive life, we’re coming together in
> a
> way that offended people won’t be able to do for a very long time.
> He understands me now and that's the most valuable education I could ever
> give.
>
> If people really want to have us unite to stand for a positive voice then
> we
> can't widen the distance because we’re offended at questions.
> Instead, we should open our world to people and share as much as we can,
> if
> asked. If we keep doing that I know that the door will open wide enough to
> let all of us through to a better world, a world where we all know each
> other, stand for one another, and unite for equality and embrace the best
> teacher of all, differences. That would make a beautifully educated world,
> one where I’d be happy to say that this positive change was the result of
> answering offensive questions.
>
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