[nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words

Thu Apr 24 21:44:43 UTC 2014

Ashely, It's your choice as to which one to attend. If you want to attend an 
NFB center, it's your choice, if not, it's your choice. RJ
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joe" <jsoro620 at gmail.com>
To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2014 5:29 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words


> Ashley,
>
> Part of your situation is core parenting. My own stepmother knows I've 
> traveled extensively, inside and outside of the country, but she still 
> asks if someone will be waiting to help me on the other side of my plane 
> trip. I deal with it and assume it's when she stops asking that something 
> might be wrong. On some level I don't think parents ever stop viewing 
> their children as children, so while I do think your mother could benefit 
> from interacting with someone in the Parents' Division, I would encourage 
> you to see the other side of it. Mom's just being a mom.
>
> Now, as to training, I would encourage you to attend an NFB training 
> center if for no other reason than to get away for a while. Of all the 
> things that discouraged me from attending, sleep shade training was 
> somehow never one of them. I am one of those individuals who still relies 
> on his diminishing sight to sometimes get around, but think of it as a 
> confidence booster. If you can survive six months under sleep shades, and 
> I have no reason to doubt your ability, there's damn near nothing you 
> won't be able to do.
>
> Attending a training center just to get away? Yeah. If you happen to pick 
> up some valuable skills along the way, so be it. After all, let's see it 
> for what it is. At this moment you do not have a job. In other words, you 
> have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
>
> Me, I think you can do it. Go out there, knock out the classes left and 
> right, learn a thing or two. I've seen you advocate for yourself. I've 
> seen you network. Somehow though I think you hesitate at that critical 
> moment. Maybe it's your mother's negative influence. Or, maybe it's your 
> own uncertainty about your full potential.
>
> You could go to the Lighthouse. No doubt you would learn a lot of valuable 
> skills there too, but maybe you need a change of scenery. Keep us posted.
>
> --
> Twitter: @ScribblingJoe
>
> Visit my blog:
> http://joeorozco.com/blog
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Ashley 
> Bramlett
> Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2014 2:35 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: [nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words
>
> Hi all,
>
> I am going to mainly vent here. Although I may not attend a nfb center, I 
> feel I should go for some training or get in house training from the 
> lighthouse.
>
> I want training tailored to the classes I need without sleepshades and nfb 
> centers have you take everything.
>
> Anyway, I’m very hurt that my mom won’t support training.
> For those who did not read much from me before, I’ll say I grew up in a 
> middle class family; pretty in tact. While I did receive fairly good 
> academic support to learn braille, large print, how to label and organize 
> papers, use a talking calculator, and even some jaws training, I did not 
> receive much training in regard to living skills.
> I did receive traditional O&M but did get much better O&M training as an 
> adult from our state agency.
> My vr agency instructor taught me in some what of a discovery fashion and 
> she encouraged exploration and had me plan routes.
> She taught me about our metro system too.
>
> I do have basic living skills from learning via a rehab teacher who came 
> to our home and attending our state center. but I did not get everything 
> at the state center as ADL was only twice a week.
>
> So, when possibly going to WSB for the IRS program came up, mom was 
> negative saying no way I cannot live on my own and how I don’t try 
> anything.
> She never says anything positive to move forward. I don’t like the idea of 
> WSB but it was brought up with my new counselor.
>
> She doesn’t support training. She blames me. I’m so tired and hurt she 
> keeps bllaming me. Okay, I cannot simply read a recipe and cook. you have 
> to know how to cut vegies better than I do. You have to know how to 
> measure well and cook meat.
> I’ve seen recipies and I don’t understand the lingo.
>
> She says things like
> “oh, you don’t need training you had enough. You  just need to try things. 
> You’re here often and don’t do much.” I say I do and I do my laundry and 
> make sandwiches for instance. I said I looked for work myself.
> I have used and tried to be actuve with the skills I have.
> “Why don’t you look around the kitchen and get recipies and try to cook? 
> you just aren’t adventurous. You should do more.”
>
> I tell her I don’t know how. she just fails to get it. I am not lazy. I’m 
> fairly resourceful; I even taught myself some stuff on the computer. those 
> fs webinars are helpful.
> When I was on my own in college, I did explore the area and went to a few 
> malls on my own. My parents wouldn’t support that except for going to the 
> mall where my gym is since they know I had a little orientation to it and 
> I know its layout mostly. So I did use my O&M skills.
> When I suggest going places, it seems I often hear from mom, I’ll be lost 
> and no way I could find my way. Okay, I cannot do outside safely, but 
> indoors there should be no excuse; there are people to gather directions 
> from, and walls around so you can only go so far astray.
> Thing is my mother is the least supportive person. Never has she showed me 
> to make a dish and she did not even teach me to tie my shoes. My TVI did 
> the shoe thing. Never has she tried to help me much learn anything. Well, 
> she did not help my brothers much but they can see others do it via tv or 
> something.
>
> I’m so tired she blames me when she is the big problem and then to say I 
> don’t need more training is worse. Its like to her, I’m a lost case, and 
> even if I’m trained I won’t learn and won’t try. Not true at all. I’ve 
> used a lot of skills I learned.
>
> It is just so amazing my mom won’t support my independence and feels I’m 
> incapable of it. I guess I’ll someday move and prove her otherwise.
>
> Ashley
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