[nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words

[Joe]

Ashley,

Part of your situation is core parenting. My own stepmother knows I've traveled extensively, inside and outside of the country, but she still asks if someone will be waiting to help me on the other side of my plane trip. I deal with it and assume it's when she stops asking that something might be wrong. On some level I don't think parents ever stop viewing their children as children, so while I do think your mother could benefit from interacting with someone in the Parents' Division, I would encourage you to see the other side of it. Mom's just being a mom.

Now, as to training, I would encourage you to attend an NFB training center if for no other reason than to get away for a while. Of all the things that discouraged me from attending, sleep shade training was somehow never one of them. I am one of those individuals who still relies on his diminishing sight to sometimes get around, but think of it as a confidence booster. If you can survive six months under sleep shades, and I have no reason to doubt your ability, there's damn near nothing you won't be able to do.

Attending a training center just to get away? Yeah. If you happen to pick up some valuable skills along the way, so be it. After all, let's see it for what it is. At this moment you do not have a job. In other words, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Me, I think you can do it. Go out there, knock out the classes left and right, learn a thing or two. I've seen you advocate for yourself. I've seen you network. Somehow though I think you hesitate at that critical moment. Maybe it's your mother's negative influence. Or, maybe it's your own uncertainty about your full potential.

You could go to the Lighthouse. No doubt you would learn a lot of valuable skills there too, but maybe you need a change of scenery. Keep us posted.

--
Twitter: @ScribblingJoe

Visit my blog:
http://joeorozco.com/blog


-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Ashley Bramlett
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2014 2:35 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: [nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words

Hi all,

I am going to mainly vent here. Although I may not attend a nfb center, I feel I should go for some training or get in house training from the lighthouse.

I want training tailored to the classes I need without sleepshades and nfb centers have you take everything.

Anyway, I’m very hurt that my mom won’t support training.
For those who did not read much from me before, I’ll say I grew up in a middle class family; pretty in tact. While I did receive fairly good academic support to learn braille, large print, how to label and organize papers, use a talking calculator, and even some jaws training, I did not receive much training in regard to living skills.
I did receive traditional O&M but did get much better O&M training as an adult from our state agency.
My vr agency instructor taught me in some what of a discovery fashion and she encouraged exploration and had me plan routes.
She taught me about our metro system too.

I do have basic living skills from learning via a rehab teacher who came to our home and attending our state center. but I did not get everything at the state center as ADL was only twice a week.

So, when possibly going to WSB for the IRS program came up, mom was negative saying no way I cannot live on my own and how I don’t try anything.
She never says anything positive to move forward. I don’t like the idea of WSB but it was brought up with my new counselor.

She doesn’t support training. She blames me. I’m so tired and hurt she keeps bllaming me. Okay, I cannot simply read a recipe and cook. you have to know how to cut vegies better than I do. You have to know how to measure well and cook meat.
I’ve seen recipies and I don’t understand the lingo.

She says things like
“oh, you don’t need training you had enough. You  just need to try things. You’re here often and don’t do much.” I say I do and I do my laundry and make sandwiches for instance. I said I looked for work myself.
I have used and tried to be actuve with the skills I have.
“Why don’t you look around the kitchen and get recipies and try to cook? you just aren’t adventurous. You should do more.”

I tell her I don’t know how. she just fails to get it. I am not lazy. I’m fairly resourceful; I even taught myself some stuff on the computer. those fs webinars are helpful.
When I was on my own in college, I did explore the area and went to a few malls on my own. My parents wouldn’t support that except for going to the mall where my gym is since they know I had a little orientation to it and I know its layout mostly. So I did use my O&M skills.
When I suggest going places, it seems I often hear from mom, I’ll be lost and no way I could find my way. Okay, I cannot do outside safely, but indoors there should be no excuse; there are people to gather directions from, and walls around so you can only go so far astray.
Thing is my mother is the least supportive person. Never has she showed me to make a dish and she did not even teach me to tie my shoes. My TVI did the shoe thing. Never has she tried to help me much learn anything. Well, she did not help my brothers much but they can see others do it via tv or something.

I’m so tired she blames me when she is the big problem and then to say I don’t need more training is worse. Its like to her, I’m a lost case, and even if I’m trained I won’t learn and won’t try. Not true at all. I’ve used a lot of skills I learned. 

It is just so amazing my mom won’t support my independence and feels I’m incapable of it. I guess I’ll someday move and prove her otherwise.

Ashley
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