[nabs-l] Arielle's point about people being infantilized at home

Sun Apr 27 14:06:57 UTC 2014

Peter,
good points. glad to hear your situation worked out.
I don't know Beth's boyfriend's disabilities, but if Blake can live on his 
own and has the cognitive abilities to manage finances and other matters, he 
and beth can and should be able to go about their lives.

All I can say is I hope it works out. And its far from nonsense. I suggest 
RJ delete these messages if he does not wish to hear such stories and 
expressed hardships of people on list or their close friends and romantic 
partners.

Ashley

-----Original Message----- 
From: Peter Donahue
Sent: Saturday, April 26, 2014 8:01 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Arielle's point about people being infantilized at 
home

Good evening everyone,

This is far from being nonsense! It's an all too familiar problem that no
one seems to have figured out how to address. Social Security law does
permit parents or guardians of disabled individuals living with them to
receive benefits as they are providing care to such persons. It becomes a
problem when unscrupulous parents, relatives, or guardians do all within
their power to discourage or not permitting disabled individuals to move out
on their own so they would lose the monthly benefit check they receive.
Never mind that the blind person is quite capable of living independently as
long as they can continue to receive Social Security payments for having
that person live with them they'll do all within their power to hang on to
that benefit check with little or no consideration of the rights of the
blind individual and their wishes to live away from home and function
independently and create a high quality of life than what they have being
stuck under their parents roof.

    Much to her credit my mother could have easily been tempted to keep me
living with her so she could continue to receive Social Security for
providing for my needs but she recognized that I needed to make my own way
in this World, that she wouldn't be around to care for me for my entire life
(Something that has come to pass as she died the day before Thanksgiving
2009) that We're all entitled to live independent and productive lives and
that selfish individuals like that do great harm to and a great disservice
to their blind children or spouses whatever the case may be. I would hope
that Social Security would scrutinize claims made by disabled adults still
living at home to insure that there are indeed valid reasons for their
remaining with a parent or guardian and that they are not being exploited
simply so these caretakers can mooch off the Government at the expense of
the rights and dignity of the blind individual. This is a very real problem
and one I hope the NFB addresses more aggressively in the future. All the
best.

Peter Donahue

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "RJ Sandefur" <joltingjacksandefur at gmail.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, April 26, 2014 3:52 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Arielle's point about people being infantilized at
home

> Beth, This isn't about you! Please quit posting this nonsense on the list! 
> Dr. Robert Sandefur
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "wmodnl wmodnl" <wmodnl at hotmail.com>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, April 26, 2014 3:22 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Arielle's point about people being infantilized at 
> home
>
>
>> Good afternoon,
>> Let's not forget the following paradox that happens. Maybe this was 
>> mentioned already.  I apologize if this was already discussed.
>> Remember, on a continuum, people with disabilities receive the standard 
>> SSI/SSDI funding. As a result, families often view this as a extra 
>> pay-check.  Families will find ways to keep this money coming in, for 
>> various reasons.  Hope this helps.  Have a good day.
>>
>>
>> Sent from my iPad
>>
>>> On Apr 25, 2014, at 4:19 PM, "Beth Taurasi" 
>>> <denverqueen1107 at comcast.net> wrote:
>>>
>>> Dear List,
>>> You all are right about the transit issues and the parental treatment of 
>>> blind peple at their own parents' homes.  I was infantilized to the 
>>> point whre a legal contract was set up so that I couldn't move out. Some 
>>> parents seriously don't know what they're talking about.  Some honestly 
>>> think it's ok to infantilize their young because of the person's 
>>> blindness or other disabilities, but it isn't ok.  I'm honestly wanting 
>>> to say something honest: it affects relationships too.  Arielle, you 
>>> were right about the whole thing you posted.  It reminds me of my 
>>> college days, and going to Colorado was something I had to do, it just 
>>> wasn't something I could simply choose.  I feel it was something I 
>>> absolutely had to do.  AS a Coloradan, I'm sorry to say this, but I'm 
>>> going to do what ever I can with my life to make it full and productive. 
>>> Happy is another word I would use to describe what I want my life to be. 
>>> But the thing is, my current boyfriend is being infantilized as Arielle 
>>> said in her list post, and it's even worse now with his brother who 
>>> died.  I don't know how to tell the rest of the world that I love him 
>>> without being criticized for being "obsessed" with a "wrong" man.  Blake 
>>> is the right person for me right now, and this infantile behavior that 
>>> his mother is doing is affecting us.  Sorry to vent.
>>> Beth
>>>
>>> -- 
>>> Check out my Wordpress blog: denverqueen.wordpress.com or you can reach 
>>> me by skype at denverqueen0920
>>>
>>>
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