[nabs-l] highschool question
Karl Martin Adam
kmaent1 at gmail.com
Sat Aug 30 14:26:58 UTC 2014
I think a lot of this has to do with personality type more than
blindness. For extroverts it's easy to make friends because
they're good at starting and continuing conversations and they
know how to mix themselves into a group, but for introverts like
me it's a lot harder. Most of my friends both blind and sighted
are introverted and nerdy like me, and most of them, including
the sighted ones, had an awful time in high school complete with
bullying. My extroverted friends, though, both blind and sighted
mostly did really well and had friends and such. That being
said, blindness does make it harder for sighted people to
approach us because many sighted people have a fear that they
don't know how to talk to a blind person (I'm not extrapolating
this, a few of my sighted friends have told me about having been
scared to start a conversation with me because they didn't know
how to talk to blind people). I also definitely agree with Lil
about not really being into modern youth culture--so much of what
people talk and care about is shallow to the point that I just
don't care. It's not that I couldn't talk to a biology or
nursing major about biology or nursing because I can and do; it's
that most students are just marking time and don't particularly
care about biology or nursing even though that's what they're
studying, and gossip, fashion, celebrities, internet memes,
reality tv, etc. just aren't things I can make myself be
interested in. That being said, I have made friends in college
because there are other people I don't find shallow, and they
typically have the same problems fitting in and making friends as
I do. In a lot of classes I'm not part of one of the cliques,
and people don't talk to me, but what I've realized is that I'm
never the only one. It's harder for a blind person to find the
other people who are sitting not talking to anyone in the sea of
jabbering students, but they're there and typically at least as
lonely and socially awkward as I am, so once I can find them and
get a conversation going, we usually get along great.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Littlefield, Tyler via nabs-l" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
To: Lillie Pennington <lilliepennington at fuse.net>, National
Association of Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 02:43:32 -0400
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] highschool question
I have to say, this message made me really sad. Not because I've
not
delt with some of this, but because it just felt really really
negative
and bitter and I've done that too. The thing with high school is
it is
really cliquy. I was wandering around blindly on the first day
just
trying to learn it and this random girl came up to me and asked
me to go
sit with her. It was weird and awkward and not everyone is going
to get
this lucky, but I went and sat with her and her friend and they
asked me
to go hang out with them at lunch the next day. After that it was
just a
ritual and I pretty much had friends through the rest of hs. I
know 100%
that it wasn't a pity case because they were really amazing
people, they
were just good people. Finding friends is something the same, if
you
have aquaintances go have lunch with them. In hs just spend time,
go
bowling do whatever it is that you guys like doing, but find
something
you really share and run with it. Your limits are all yourself.
Talking to people is another issue I've heard brought up a few
times in
relation to these same issues. I've never really had the idea
that I
want to go out and get trashed and all of that, so that set me
apart
from a lot of people, at least in my first college. Where I'm at
now,
it's the total opposite: people go stock up on chips and soda and
game
all night, which is also not really something I can do. I had
friends
before, but I don't know that many people now. It's not really
anyone
elses fault but my own, because I really could make an effort and
go
meet people. On the conversation scale though, I don't really
think I'm
above anyone and they have to be superficial. Each person has
their own
likes, interests and ideas and I really like talking to different
people. Some I can have better longer conversations with, but
I've met
very few people who I just can't talk to. For me it's more a
matter of
knowing about different stuff. I don't have to be a biologist to
talk to
someone about their biology degree, nor do I need to be a nurse
to talk
to someone about nursing. A lot of it is just getting on what
they like
and asking questions or just listening. This obviously might be a
lot
harder in hs, but in college it really does become easier.
I understand that this is really subjective, but in the end I
think your
outlook can make a whole lot of a difference. Will it stop people
from
befriending you because they pity you? Probably not, but it can
give you
a totally different attitude. I really do think that having a
positive
outlook on something can make a world of difference.
On 8/29/2014 9:38 PM, Lillie Pennington via nabs-l wrote:
I have to agree with Kurts ideology here.
My high school has a general reputation, which I have found to
be pretty
true in my experience, to be extremely clicky. These clicks
don't seem to
have room for me besides being a cherody case.
Sure, their nice enough to me, but at the end of the day they
really don't
see the true values of being my friend.
There are several pretty cool people that I'm pretty good
acquaintances with
at my school; however, they have other friends, so as I said its
an
acquaintance. I'm trying to not push back too hard because then
again, I run
the risk of being a cherity case; and that is a risk I am not
willing to
take.
I would rather know that I am not wanted/do not fit in vs being
someone to
be pitied.
Part of this dates back to elementary school; quite honestly, I
was a weird
child that not a lot of people, blind or sited wanted to be
friends with me.
There were adults seemingly hovering all over the place, and
what elementary
school child would want to deal with that? That said, I did know
a few
pretty cool people. I was also the target once of an extended
period of
pretty not-so-good teacher behavior, shall we say. I was the kid
that was
quite sad and really did not feel that I could relate to other
people my
age.
Relating is something I still kind of have problems with today.
I don't
really feel that I care that much about today's generation
trends such as
posting enormous amounts of pictures and other weird stuff on
social media,
and obsessing over fashion, for example. I also do not really
feel that they
could relate to day-to-day things with blindness, such as even
the small
things like being annoyed that I had to do one of my TVI's weird
assignments
in study hall verses being able to do my homework. I sometimes
have trouble
coming up with conversation topics with my peers aside from a
superficial
level. I also feel that I am a little more mature (I'm not sure
if that's
the right word) and that I had to grow up a lot more quickly
than my sited
peers.
Anyway, onto the original topic.
I'd definitely recommend joining some extracurriculars that you
like, or
have an interest in. I'd also try to make sure that you have the
independence skills to be able to be a valuable contributor to
the club and
not just sit around. You have to be able to prove right from the
start that
you have something to contribute. I've met some of my
afquaintances this
way.
One last thing to be aware of: If this is an issue, I'd make
sure that your
school staff know that absolutely under no circumstances are
they to set you
up with friends, in the sense to ask someone to be your friend.
I had a
group of friends (who I thought were my friends, anyway) in
middle school
who I have very strong reason to suspect, although I could never
prove it,
that my aid at the time or someone else asked them to feel sorry
for me and
to be my friends. Anyway, once I pretty much figured it out, It
served as a
very strong source of humiliation for me and I hope nobody else
has hod to
go through that.
I am sorry for the overall tone of this email being negative. I
am sure most
of you have had good experiences, and I am not trying to
discount them or
create a sob story. I am just trying to paint a full picture
here.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Kirt via nabs-l
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2014 8:59 PM
To: louvins at gmail.com; National Association of Blind Students
mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] highschool question
This is fascinating. High school was when I first started to
realize, if
only subconsciously, that most people don't treat me like a
normal person
and blindness is pretty much the main reason. It's gotten better
since, as
I've learned to balance quality humor with genuine competence,
but it's not
an easy thing.
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 29, 2014, at 6:27 PM, Joshua Hendrickson via nabs-l
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
Hello to Anna and all. I agree with what has already been said.
Don't be afraid to joke around about your blindness if you are
comfortable doing that. I always used to joke around in college
classes when I felt the time was right. I got a lot of pretty
good
laughs from students from time to time. I've also had a class
of
students become silent after I've made a joke and the teacher
being
afraid of offending me which I thought was pretty funny, since
I'd
been the one who made the joke in the first place. Don't be
afraid to
talk to people around you. If someone asks you a question about
blindness answer the question if you can. One time, I had a
girl
after one of my college math classes aproach me, and ask me some
questions about what it was like being blind. She wasn't even
in my
usual math class. I answered her questions, then she came up to
me in
the studen center a few days later, and asked me a question,
that I
had never thought about. She asked me how do you talk to a
blind
person? I didn't laugh, although, I thought this was a
different
question. I told her, you talk to a blind person the same way
you
talk to a sighted person. Making friends can be very nice.
Good
luck.
On 8/29/14, Sofia Gallo via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
Totally agree with Marissa, I've had a similar experience and I
joke
about stuff all the time (smile)
On 8/29/14, Marissa Tejeda via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
I know this may sound... (lack for a word right now).
I have made friends very easily all my life. High school may
seem
hard, but it really isn't. (smiles) I'm in the tenth grade, and
have bunches of friends. I am in band, but when I play with the
others, no one notices I'm blind.
It would help if I had some music, but that's a different story.
I did perform in a pep rally last year. I got two standing
ovations, (there were two rallies so everyone in the school
could
go).
I sat at a table by myself, one day. (This was just this week.)
Two
girls sat across from me. I didn't talk, so they didn't talk to
me,
(same would have happened, had I been able to see). Then, my
friends, Michelle and Jessica, came and sat by me. I started
talking with them; the two girls that sat across from me were
friends of there's. we ended up having a great time and now, I
can
ALMOST tell them by voice. I still get confused between
Michelle
and Jessica, but I'm getting better.
Just be open about it. This may sound cruel to some, but I'm so
open about my blindness, I'll joke about it in class. "I can't
see
the board, can I move?" or someone says, "I'll see you tomorrow,
Marissa." I'll turn, look at them, and say, "I won't."
It gets people laughing. I answer questions about being blind,
whenever I'm asked. Some people are shy; just say, "It's ok,
you
can ask."
They think they will offend you. Just let them know that they
won't.
If you need any help, feel free to email me off-list.
----- Original Message -----
From: Ana Martinez via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 09:08:49 -0600
Subject: [nabs-l] highschool question
hi all I have a question, how do you make friends in highschool,
for
me it has been difficult because there a lot of students and in
all
of my classes there are different kids ,
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--
Take care,
Ty
http://tds-solutions.net
He that will not reason is a bigot; he that cannot reason is a
fool; he that dares not reason is a slave.
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