[nabs-l] highschool question
justin williams
justin.williams2 at gmail.com
Sat Aug 30 15:53:40 UTC 2014
I just had to hang on until college; I didn't have a lot of friends to go
out with in high school. Acquaintances maybe, and I was a member of the
wrestling team, but outside of that, I didn't have a whole lot going for me.
I marked the time until college.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Karl Martin
Adam via nabs-l
Sent: Saturday, August 30, 2014 10:27 AM
To: tyler at tysdomain.com; National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] highschool question
I think a lot of this has to do with personality type more than blindness.
For extroverts it's easy to make friends because they're good at starting
and continuing conversations and they know how to mix themselves into a
group, but for introverts like me it's a lot harder. Most of my friends
both blind and sighted are introverted and nerdy like me, and most of them,
including the sighted ones, had an awful time in high school complete with
bullying. My extroverted friends, though, both blind and sighted mostly did
really well and had friends and such. That being said, blindness does make
it harder for sighted people to approach us because many sighted people have
a fear that they don't know how to talk to a blind person (I'm not
extrapolating this, a few of my sighted friends have told me about having
been scared to start a conversation with me because they didn't know how to
talk to blind people). I also definitely agree with Lil about not really
being into modern youth culture--so much of what people talk and care about
is shallow to the point that I just don't care. It's not that I couldn't
talk to a biology or nursing major about biology or nursing because I can
and do; it's that most students are just marking time and don't particularly
care about biology or nursing even though that's what they're studying, and
gossip, fashion, celebrities, internet memes, reality tv, etc. just aren't
things I can make myself be interested in. That being said, I have made
friends in college because there are other people I don't find shallow, and
they typically have the same problems fitting in and making friends as I do.
In a lot of classes I'm not part of one of the cliques, and people don't
talk to me, but what I've realized is that I'm never the only one. It's
harder for a blind person to find the other people who are sitting not
talking to anyone in the sea of jabbering students, but they're there and
typically at least as lonely and socially awkward as I am, so once I can
find them and get a conversation going, we usually get along great.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Littlefield, Tyler via nabs-l" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
To: Lillie Pennington <lilliepennington at fuse.net>, National Association of
Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Sat, 30 Aug 2014
02:43:32 -0400
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] highschool question
I have to say, this message made me really sad. Not because I've not delt
with some of this, but because it just felt really really negative and
bitter and I've done that too. The thing with high school is it is really
cliquy. I was wandering around blindly on the first day just trying to learn
it and this random girl came up to me and asked me to go sit with her. It
was weird and awkward and not everyone is going to get this lucky, but I
went and sat with her and her friend and they asked me to go hang out with
them at lunch the next day. After that it was just a ritual and I pretty
much had friends through the rest of hs. I know 100% that it wasn't a pity
case because they were really amazing people, they were just good people.
Finding friends is something the same, if you have aquaintances go have
lunch with them. In hs just spend time, go bowling do whatever it is that
you guys like doing, but find something you really share and run with it.
Your limits are all yourself.
Talking to people is another issue I've heard brought up a few times in
relation to these same issues. I've never really had the idea that I want to
go out and get trashed and all of that, so that set me apart from a lot of
people, at least in my first college. Where I'm at now, it's the total
opposite: people go stock up on chips and soda and game all night, which is
also not really something I can do. I had friends before, but I don't know
that many people now. It's not really anyone elses fault but my own, because
I really could make an effort and go meet people. On the conversation scale
though, I don't really think I'm above anyone and they have to be
superficial. Each person has their own likes, interests and ideas and I
really like talking to different people. Some I can have better longer
conversations with, but I've met very few people who I just can't talk to.
For me it's more a matter of knowing about different stuff. I don't have to
be a biologist to talk to someone about their biology degree, nor do I need
to be a nurse to talk to someone about nursing. A lot of it is just getting
on what they like and asking questions or just listening. This obviously
might be a lot harder in hs, but in college it really does become easier.
I understand that this is really subjective, but in the end I think your
outlook can make a whole lot of a difference. Will it stop people from
befriending you because they pity you? Probably not, but it can give you a
totally different attitude. I really do think that having a positive outlook
on something can make a world of difference.
On 8/29/2014 9:38 PM, Lillie Pennington via nabs-l wrote:
I have to agree with Kurts ideology here.
My high school has a general reputation, which I have found to be pretty
true in my experience, to be extremely clicky. These clicks don't seem to
have room for me besides being a cherody case.
Sure, their nice enough to me, but at the end of the day they really don't
see the true values of being my friend.
There are several pretty cool people that I'm pretty good acquaintances
with at my school; however, they have other friends, so as I said its an
acquaintance. I'm trying to not push back too hard because then again, I run
the risk of being a cherity case; and that is a risk I am not willing to
take.
I would rather know that I am not wanted/do not fit in vs being someone to
be pitied.
Part of this dates back to elementary school; quite honestly, I was a weird
child that not a lot of people, blind or sited wanted to be friends with me.
There were adults seemingly hovering all over the place, and what
elementary school child would want to deal with that? That said, I did know
a few pretty cool people. I was also the target once of an extended period
of pretty not-so-good teacher behavior, shall we say. I was the kid that
was quite sad and really did not feel that I could relate to other people
my age.
Relating is something I still kind of have problems with today.
I don't
really feel that I care that much about today's generation trends such as
posting enormous amounts of pictures and other weird stuff on social media,
and obsessing over fashion, for example. I also do not really feel that they
could relate to day-to-day things with blindness, such as even the small
things like being annoyed that I had to do one of my TVI's weird assignments
in study hall verses being able to do my homework. I sometimes have trouble
coming up with conversation topics with my peers aside from a superficial
level. I also feel that I am a little more mature (I'm not sure if that's
the right word) and that I had to grow up a lot more quickly than my sited
peers.
Anyway, onto the original topic.
I'd definitely recommend joining some extracurriculars that you like, or
have an interest in. I'd also try to make sure that you have the
independence skills to be able to be a valuable contributor to the club and
not just sit around. You have to be able to prove right from the start that
you have something to contribute. I've met some of my afquaintances this
way.
One last thing to be aware of: If this is an issue, I'd make sure that your
school staff know that absolutely under no circumstances are they to set you
up with friends, in the sense to ask someone to be your friend.
I had a
group of friends (who I thought were my friends, anyway) in middle school
who I have very strong reason to suspect, although I could never prove it,
that my aid at the time or someone else asked them to feel sorry for me and
to be my friends. Anyway, once I pretty much figured it out, It served as a
very strong source of humiliation for me and I hope nobody else has hod to
go through that.
I am sorry for the overall tone of this email being negative. I am sure
most of you have had good experiences, and I am not trying to discount them
or create a sob story. I am just trying to paint a full picture here.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kirt via
nabs-l
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2014 8:59 PM
To: louvins at gmail.com; National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] highschool question
This is fascinating. High school was when I first started to realize, if
only subconsciously, that most people don't treat me like a normal person
and blindness is pretty much the main reason. It's gotten better since, as
I've learned to balance quality humor with genuine competence, but it's not
an easy thing.
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 29, 2014, at 6:27 PM, Joshua Hendrickson via nabs-l
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
Hello to Anna and all. I agree with what has already been said.
Don't be afraid to joke around about your blindness if you are comfortable
doing that. I always used to joke around in college classes when I felt
the time was right. I got a lot of pretty good laughs from students from
time to time. I've also had a class of students become silent after I've
made a joke and the teacher being afraid of offending me which I thought
was pretty funny, since I'd been the one who made the joke in the first
place. Don't be afraid to talk to people around you. If someone asks you
a question about blindness answer the question if you can. One time, I had
a girl after one of my college math classes aproach me, and ask me some
questions about what it was like being blind. She wasn't even in my usual
math class. I answered her questions, then she came up to me in the studen
center a few days later, and asked me a question, that I had never thought
about. She asked me how do you talk to a blind person? I didn't laugh,
although, I thought this was a different question. I told her, you talk to
a blind person the same way you talk to a sighted person. Making friends
can be very nice.
Good
luck.
On 8/29/14, Sofia Gallo via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
Totally agree with Marissa, I've had a similar experience and I joke about
stuff all the time (smile)
On 8/29/14, Marissa Tejeda via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
I know this may sound... (lack for a word right now).
I have made friends very easily all my life. High school may seem hard,
but it really isn't. (smiles) I'm in the tenth grade, and have bunches of
friends. I am in band, but when I play with the others, no one notices I'm
blind.
It would help if I had some music, but that's a different story.
I did perform in a pep rally last year. I got two standing ovations,
(there were two rallies so everyone in the school could go).
I sat at a table by myself, one day. (This was just this week.) Two girls
sat across from me. I didn't talk, so they didn't talk to me, (same would
have happened, had I been able to see). Then, my friends, Michelle and
Jessica, came and sat by me. I started talking with them; the two girls
that sat across from me were friends of there's. we ended up having a
great time and now, I can ALMOST tell them by voice. I still get confused
between Michelle and Jessica, but I'm getting better.
Just be open about it. This may sound cruel to some, but I'm so open
about my blindness, I'll joke about it in class. "I can't see the board,
can I move?" or someone says, "I'll see you tomorrow, Marissa." I'll turn,
look at them, and say, "I won't."
It gets people laughing. I answer questions about being blind, whenever
I'm asked. Some people are shy; just say, "It's ok, you can ask."
They think they will offend you. Just let them know that they won't.
If you need any help, feel free to email me off-list.
----- Original Message -----
From: Ana Martinez via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 09:08:49 -0600
Subject: [nabs-l] highschool question
hi all I have a question, how do you make friends in highschool, for me it
has been difficult because there a lot of students and in all of my classes
there are different kids ,
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--
Take care,
Ty
http://tds-solutions.net
He that will not reason is a bigot; he that cannot reason is a fool; he that
dares not reason is a slave.
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