[nabs-l] Several Questions...

James Hulme via nabs-l nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Fri May 16 07:53:04 UTC 2014


Hello Kerri Kosten of West Virginia,



I am sorry but I might know of a better solution. I am in New Jersey and
received some sort of therapy  for depression before. If WVU allows you to
switch majors you might want to pick up a few basic courses in
Communications if you seem to think college doesn't work for you. If you
want I am welcome to answer any of your questions off-list. Can I please
ask what is your e-mail address or mobile number or home number?? How would
you best like to be contacted off list?


It looks like Carruth Counseling is for WVU students only (304-293-4431)
and you def. WANT GROUP THERAPY otherwise I found two other places within
Morgantown, WV that you could go to.  Please feel free to e-mail me at
jim.hulme at gmail.com


I look forward to trying to assist you. Please answer me back either here
or off-list at jim.hulme at gmail.com

Have a great day!!!



On Thu, May 15, 2014 at 8:50 PM, Kerri Kosten via nabs-l
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>wrote:

> Hi Everyone:
>
> I don't know what to do so figured I'd write to the list for help.
> I tried returning to school last semester but it didn't end up working
> out. I tried a lot harder than I would have in the past, and I turned
> in most of the assignments on time and all, but I still got a C in one
> class and a F in the other class. It was my second time applying to
> this college, and I felt fortunate I got readmitted. Now, I believe I
> am on academic suspension.
> I have several questions and a lot to say.
> If school is not going to work for me, I need to find something to do
> so was considering trying to find a job. If I were sighted I'd just go
> for one of those starter minimum wage jobs such as a waitress or a
> bookseller at Barnes and Noble. However, I know being a bookseller at
> Barnes and Noble isn't likely since I can't read the print books. I
> also know being a waitress isn't likely.
> So, what minimum wage starting jobs can a blind person do without a degree?
> What was your first job?
> What was the first thing you did that gave you real work experience?
> I know our local grocery store, Kroger is always accepting
> applications. Has anyone ever worked in a  grocery store? Could I be a
> bagger or a customer service person at Kroger?
> Where is the best place to look for jobs?
> To be honest with everyone, I am really sad. I was heartbroken by my
> grades. I'm sad that It doesn't look like school is going to work out
> for me and I won't get a degree. I've always had a passion for sports,
> and have said since I was 15 years old I want to be a sportswriter,
> sports reporter, sports caster, or something with sports. I was a
> journalism major, figuring journalism would give me a good foundation
> in helping me become a better writer and would help my communication
> skills.
> Please don't judge me too harshly for this, but the problem with me is
> I have zero confidence in myself, and I have zero self-esteem. The
> other problem with me (and I am ashamed to say this) is that the truth
> is I've never really had to work in my entire life. I've always just
> been the star without having to really work. I worked when I was in
> training, but that was it. I also worked in high school, but again I
> was always the star and got huge praise for just turning in and
> actually doing the work. Though I again hate to admit this, I believe
> deep deep down though I hate this about myself I have engrained all
> that praise. I am also a very, very impatient person.
> The reason I am saying all of this is because I feel like when
> something is a lot of work or it is something that requires a lot of
> time, I become so impatient because I just want to finish whatever
> work it is, I either don't do the work or I do it but at the very last
> minute, hating to do it the whole time, doing it kicking and screaming
> (figuratively, not literally.)
> I also work best with consequences. In training, I knew if I didn't do
> what was required/asked of me I would first disappoint the director
> whom I looked up to, I would second disappoint the staff members who I
> looked up to, I would likely get kicked out which would mean having to
> return home and having to explain to my family and rehab counselor
> (who I also look up to) why I got kicked out. That is a lot of
> consequences and of course I didn't want to face any of them or see
> what would happen. I also wanted to learn the skills to be more
> independent for myself so I worked as hard as I could.
> But, it seems unless there are consequences, or I am in an environment
> where I am forced to do the work I become very lazy and if there is
> work (such as for school or something) I dread doing it.
> I also admit, I often feel depressed. I am often afraid and will worry
> that I will never find my passion or figure anything out and will end
> up doing nothing for the rest of my life and will be unable to
> contribute to society. This makes me feel helpless and that then sends
> me into a negative depression. As I said earlier, I forced myself with
> school and got most of the work done I needed to but there were many
> nights where I would be so negative and depressed I couldn't focus on
> schoolwork and would have to wait until the next day.
> Another thing that really brings me down and depresses me is that I
> have always been passionate about sports. The thing I have come to
> recently realize is that maybe even with sports I've sort of been
> tricked. When I was a teenager/younger, and I would talk to people I
> always brought up sports. I would say a few things, a few stats and I
> was always the star, always "amazing" or whatever. Even now, to
> someone who isn't into sports it looks like I really know what I am
> talking about. But, being able to say a few things is a lot different
> than having to write a whole article. I feel like when there is a big
> story going on, I often feel like I should write about it since I
> always say I want to be a sportswriter but when I sit down to write I
> don't know what to say. I often feel like my thoughts come from what I
> read on sites such as ESPN.com or what I hear on ESPNRadio or ESPN
> rather than myself forming my own opinion. Even when I listen to
> sports talk radio (which I do constantly) I am amazed at how much of
> an expert they seem to be. It makes me honestly feel stupid and makes
> me really question my wanting to be a sportswriter. This then really
> makes me sad.
> Another thing that is big in sports journalism but that I admit I have
> never really done but that really really freaks me out a lot is
> interviewing. I am terrified if I ever have to interview anyone my
> questions will be horrible and they'll see right through me.
> I just feel that similarly with the rest of my life, it's like
> everyone let me go through life just talking and smiling and being all
> amazing but when it comes to the real thing I am horrible and have no
> idea and though I listen to sports talk radio all the time I probably
> don't know nearly as much as I think I do especially in comparison to
> sighted males who have studied this stuff their whole lives. Again, I
> am just begun to realize all of this and this all makes me so sad and
> depressed.
> For example, how do you "break down" a game?
> Do you take notes during the game, then get the stats from somewhere
> online afterwords and write about the game that way?
> Is it normal to do a bunch of reading about a certain story from sites
> such as Espn, Si (Sports Illustrated), Bleacher Report, FoxSports,
> Yahoo Sports, and Cbs Sports and then write a little opinion thing
> based on what you have read and your own opinions/knologe?
> Sometimes, I even wonder if I really know that much about the games I
> listen to. Sure, I know the basics of football and basketball, but
> many times when I listen to sports talk radio I feel like I don't
> really know the games at all.
> This all worries me, makes me feel depressed, and negative and I'm
> afraid I'll never figure any of this out and will have to spend the
> rest of my life doing nothing and that makes me feel so negative and
> depressed.
> How can I develop a better self-esteem and have more confidence?
> How can I teach myself to think more positively rather than negatively
> all the time?
> How can I teach myself to be more determined/work harder when I've
> never really had to work or really do anything?
> Is there someone I could talk to every week or something that could
> help me learn to work? Like, maybe give me writing prompts or maybe I
> could try writing a sports column/opinion piece for them and they
> could look at it? Like, they could help me take baby steps to figure
> things out?
> I was very motivated in training. Having consequences and looking up
> to the staff members and not wanting to disappoint them really drove
> me to work hard. Is there something from training I could use to
> motivate me? Is there something I'm not thinking of that I could use
> to motivate me?
> Of course since I've graduated and the staff have understandably moved
> onto other students I don't really get to talk to people from the
> center much. I understand all of this, but I feel being back here I am
> just all by myself and I realize this is part of being an adult but I
> really really struggle when it's just me and myself.
> I somehow need consequences, or someone on me or something in my mind
> to look up/be motivated by. Otherwise, I seem to really get depressed,
> negative, and end up failing/not wanting to do anything.
> I realize I am an adult, but is there any way to find something to
> look up to or is there any way I could have consequences or someone
> sort of on me about getting things done?
> Am I the only one who works in this way?
> I wonder if I would've had someone nagging at me constantly whether I
> could have possibly done better in school?
> How do you all deal with this?
> How do you continuously stay so determined?
> For those of you who have had similar childhoods as me where you were
> always told you are amazing and were never made to really work how do
> you force yourself to work so hard?
> I am sorry to post such a long message with so many questions. I don't
> know where or who else to post this to. I can't just keep going on,
> doing nothing, and just being depressed certain days and then be great
> on happy good days.
> Thanks,
> Kerri
>
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