[nabs-l] Several Questions...

Fri May 16 23:55:45 UTC 2014

Hi Kerri,

Are you stil considered a WVU student on academic probation or have
you actually been withdrawn from the university? If you still have a
student affiliation with WVU, I would urge you to take advantage of
any counseling ortherapy services available to you. This is exactly
what therapists are trained to help people with and the vast majority
of the thought and feeling patterns you describe are experienced by
many sighted people as well.
I agree with the advice not to give up on college.  Instead, perhaps
the online course environment doesn't work well for you, and you will
probably do better in in-person classes where you have teachers you
will get to know. You might also do better in a community college
setting. I think it's not a matter of yur skills and abilities but
more an issue of finding the right kind of educational environment
where you can thrive.
I also think that sometimes we drag ourselves down by comparing
ourselves unnecessarily to other people particularly sighted people we
don't know. Such comparisons aren't very useful and are often
inaccurate. A sighted competitor may have some advantages on you but
they probably also have disadvantages which you may not even know
about. It's hard to compare ourselves with other people who have had
different childhood experiences, passions, etc. In general, I think
that our abilities average out to be roughly equal to those of sighted
people. We just have the added challenge of figuring out where we best
belong and where others will best appreciate what we have to bring to
the table.

Best,
Arielle

On 5/16/14, Carly Mihalakis via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Good afternoon, Shickeytha,
>
> Very, very well said!
> for today, Car
> 408-2209-3239
>
> At 09:56 AM 5/16/2014, Shickeytha Chandler via nabs-l wrote:
>>Hi Kerri,
>>
>>I am sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. I am
>>sure several people on this list can identify with at least some of
>>what you are feeling-I know I can.
>>
>>First, I would encourage you not to give up on college just yet. I
>>grew up in a rural town where I was the only visually impaired student
>>in the town/county and I struggled a lot in school, partly because
>>there just were not many accommodations or resources for the visually
>>impaired. I didn't know what was available or how to ask for it. (How
>>do you ask for an accommodation that you do not even know exists?) So
>>I ended up getting a GED and starting slowly at a community college. I
>>started out by only taking a class or two per semester and I didn't
>>have a clue what I wanted to do as a career. Like I said, I had been
>>in a very small town and sheltered environment my whole life. After a
>>couple of years, I got stronger academically and emotionally and my
>>confidence and motivation grew. I began learning more about
>>accommodations and technology and about what worked best for me as far
>>as study habits, etc. It wasn't an automatic change, but a gradual
>>one. I eventually transferred to a university and now have two
>>undergraduate degrees and will begin working on a Master's this fall.
>>I am not bragging, but my cumulative undergraduate GPA ended up being
>>a 3.3, though I either failed or withdrew from some of my classes in
>>the early days. So don't give up!
>>
>>  As for jobs, my first full-time job was for a call center. My second
>>and most recent full-time job was with a federal agency in Maryland.
>>This turned out to be a job that I was only at for a little over a
>>year.
>>
>>There are a lot of challenges out there for blind and visually
>>impaired students and employees, and I have lived through just about
>>all of them. But don't be afraid of the challenges. Don't be afraid of
>>failing. Your experiences will make you stronger and each step will
>>move you closer and closer to your goals, even if things don't always
>>turn out the way you hope or plan for them to turn out. You will
>>always be learning more about your skills and interests, and sometimes
>>you might feel discouraged when you realize maybe you aren't as good
>>at something as you originally thought you would be. But don't let
>>that get you down. You will also discover things that you are good at
>>and strengths you didn't even know you had.
>>
>>While you certainly want to consider the opinions of sighted people
>>regarding your skills and abilities, don't let what they say be your
>>gage. Sighted people often have no clue what visually impaired people
>>are capable of and have very low expectations. So you often will not
>>get many votes of confidence from them. (Or else you will get a lot of
>>empty praise, as you mentioned.) But just develop that confidence deep
>>within yourself that you are a valuable person with unique strengths
>>and abilities, and the fact that you are visually impaired cannot
>>change that!
>>
>>Best,
>>
>>Shickeytha
>>
>>
>>
>>On 5/16/14, James Hulme via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> > Hello Kerri Kosten of West Virginia,
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > I am sorry but I might know of a better solution. I am in New Jersey
>> > and
>> > received some sort of therapy  for depression before. If WVU allows you
>> > to
>> > switch majors you might want to pick up a few basic courses in
>> > Communications if you seem to think college doesn't work for you. If
>> > you
>> > want I am welcome to answer any of your questions off-list. Can I
>> > please
>> > ask what is your e-mail address or mobile number or home number?? How
>> > would
>> > you best like to be contacted off list?
>> >
>> >
>> > It looks like Carruth Counseling is for WVU students only
>> > (304-293-4431)
>> > and you def. WANT GROUP THERAPY otherwise I found two other places
>> > within
>> > Morgantown, WV that you could go to.  Please feel free to e-mail me at
>> > jim.hulme at gmail.com
>> >
>> >
>> > I look forward to trying to assist you. Please answer me back either
>> > here
>> > or off-list at jim.hulme at gmail.com
>> >
>> > Have a great day!!!
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > On Thu, May 15, 2014 at 8:50 PM, Kerri Kosten via nabs-l
>> > <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>wrote:
>> >
>> >> Hi Everyone:
>> >>
>> >> I don't know what to do so figured I'd write to the list for help.
>> >> I tried returning to school last semester but it didn't end up working
>> >> out. I tried a lot harder than I would have in the past, and I turned
>> >> in most of the assignments on time and all, but I still got a C in one
>> >> class and a F in the other class. It was my second time applying to
>> >> this college, and I felt fortunate I got readmitted. Now, I believe I
>> >> am on academic suspension.
>> >> I have several questions and a lot to say.
>> >> If school is not going to work for me, I need to find something to do
>> >> so was considering trying to find a job. If I were sighted I'd just go
>> >> for one of those starter minimum wage jobs such as a waitress or a
>> >> bookseller at Barnes and Noble. However, I know being a bookseller at
>> >> Barnes and Noble isn't likely since I can't read the print books. I
>> >> also know being a waitress isn't likely.
>> >> So, what minimum wage starting jobs can a blind person do without a
>> >> degree?
>> >> What was your first job?
>> >> What was the first thing you did that gave you real work experience?
>> >> I know our local grocery store, Kroger is always accepting
>> >> applications. Has anyone ever worked in a  grocery store? Could I be a
>> >> bagger or a customer service person at Kroger?
>> >> Where is the best place to look for jobs?
>> >> To be honest with everyone, I am really sad. I was heartbroken by my
>> >> grades. I'm sad that It doesn't look like school is going to work out
>> >> for me and I won't get a degree. I've always had a passion for sports,
>> >> and have said since I was 15 years old I want to be a sportswriter,
>> >> sports reporter, sports caster, or something with sports. I was a
>> >> journalism major, figuring journalism would give me a good foundation
>> >> in helping me become a better writer and would help my communication
>> >> skills.
>> >> Please don't judge me too harshly for this, but the problem with me is
>> >> I have zero confidence in myself, and I have zero self-esteem. The
>> >> other problem with me (and I am ashamed to say this) is that the truth
>> >> is I've never really had to work in my entire life. I've always just
>> >> been the star without having to really work. I worked when I was in
>> >> training, but that was it. I also worked in high school, but again I
>> >> was always the star and got huge praise for just turning in and
>> >> actually doing the work. Though I again hate to admit this, I believe
>> >> deep deep down though I hate this about myself I have engrained all
>> >> that praise. I am also a very, very impatient person.
>> >> The reason I am saying all of this is because I feel like when
>> >> something is a lot of work or it is something that requires a lot of
>> >> time, I become so impatient because I just want to finish whatever
>> >> work it is, I either don't do the work or I do it but at the very last
>> >> minute, hating to do it the whole time, doing it kicking and screaming
>> >> (figuratively, not literally.)
>> >> I also work best with consequences. In training, I knew if I didn't do
>> >> what was required/asked of me I would first disappoint the director
>> >> whom I looked up to, I would second disappoint the staff members who I
>> >> looked up to, I would likely get kicked out which would mean having to
>> >> return home and having to explain to my family and rehab counselor
>> >> (who I also look up to) why I got kicked out. That is a lot of
>> >> consequences and of course I didn't want to face any of them or see
>> >> what would happen. I also wanted to learn the skills to be more
>> >> independent for myself so I worked as hard as I could.
>> >> But, it seems unless there are consequences, or I am in an environment
>> >> where I am forced to do the work I become very lazy and if there is
>> >> work (such as for school or something) I dread doing it.
>> >> I also admit, I often feel depressed. I am often afraid and will worry
>> >> that I will never find my passion or figure anything out and will end
>> >> up doing nothing for the rest of my life and will be unable to
>> >> contribute to society. This makes me feel helpless and that then sends
>> >> me into a negative depression. As I said earlier, I forced myself with
>> >> school and got most of the work done I needed to but there were many
>> >> nights where I would be so negative and depressed I couldn't focus on
>> >> schoolwork and would have to wait until the next day.
>> >> Another thing that really brings me down and depresses me is that I
>> >> have always been passionate about sports. The thing I have come to
>> >> recently realize is that maybe even with sports I've sort of been
>> >> tricked. When I was a teenager/younger, and I would talk to people I
>> >> always brought up sports. I would say a few things, a few stats and I
>> >> was always the star, always "amazing" or whatever. Even now, to
>> >> someone who isn't into sports it looks like I really know what I am
>> >> talking about. But, being able to say a few things is a lot different
>> >> than having to write a whole article. I feel like when there is a big
>> >> story going on, I often feel like I should write about it since I
>> >> always say I want to be a sportswriter but when I sit down to write I
>> >> don't know what to say. I often feel like my thoughts come from what I
>> >> read on sites such as ESPN.com or what I hear on ESPNRadio or ESPN
>> >> rather than myself forming my own opinion. Even when I listen to
>> >> sports talk radio (which I do constantly) I am amazed at how much of
>> >> an expert they seem to be. It makes me honestly feel stupid and makes
>> >> me really question my wanting to be a sportswriter. This then really
>> >> makes me sad.
>> >> Another thing that is big in sports journalism but that I admit I have
>> >> never really done but that really really freaks me out a lot is
>> >> interviewing. I am terrified if I ever have to interview anyone my
>> >> questions will be horrible and they'll see right through me.
>> >> I just feel that similarly with the rest of my life, it's like
>> >> everyone let me go through life just talking and smiling and being all
>> >> amazing but when it comes to the real thing I am horrible and have no
>> >> idea and though I listen to sports talk radio all the time I probably
>> >> don't know nearly as much as I think I do especially in comparison to
>> >> sighted males who have studied this stuff their whole lives. Again, I
>> >> am just begun to realize all of this and this all makes me so sad and
>> >> depressed.
>> >> For example, how do you "break down" a game?
>> >> Do you take notes during the game, then get the stats from somewhere
>> >> online afterwords and write about the game that way?
>> >> Is it normal to do a bunch of reading about a certain story from sites
>> >> such as Espn, Si (Sports Illustrated), Bleacher Report, FoxSports,
>> >> Yahoo Sports, and Cbs Sports and then write a little opinion thing
>> >> based on what you have read and your own opinions/knologe?
>> >> Sometimes, I even wonder if I really know that much about the games I
>> >> listen to. Sure, I know the basics of football and basketball, but
>> >> many times when I listen to sports talk radio I feel like I don't
>> >> really know the games at all.
>> >> This all worries me, makes me feel depressed, and negative and I'm
>> >> afraid I'll never figure any of this out and will have to spend the
>> >> rest of my life doing nothing and that makes me feel so negative and
>> >> depressed.
>> >> How can I develop a better self-esteem and have more confidence?
>> >> How can I teach myself to think more positively rather than negatively
>> >> all the time?
>> >> How can I teach myself to be more determined/work harder when I've
>> >> never really had to work or really do anything?
>> >> Is there someone I could talk to every week or something that could
>> >> help me learn to work? Like, maybe give me writing prompts or maybe I
>> >> could try writing a sports column/opinion piece for them and they
>> >> could look at it? Like, they could help me take baby steps to figure
>> >> things out?
>> >> I was very motivated in training. Having consequences and looking up
>> >> to the staff members and not wanting to disappoint them really drove
>> >> me to work hard. Is there something from training I could use to
>> >> motivate me? Is there something I'm not thinking of that I could use
>> >> to motivate me?
>> >> Of course since I've graduated and the staff have understandably moved
>> >> onto other students I don't really get to talk to people from the
>> >> center much. I understand all of this, but I feel being back here I am
>> >> just all by myself and I realize this is part of being an adult but I
>> >> really really struggle when it's just me and myself.
>> >> I somehow need consequences, or someone on me or something in my mind
>> >> to look up/be motivated by. Otherwise, I seem to really get depressed,
>> >> negative, and end up failing/not wanting to do anything.
>> >> I realize I am an adult, but is there any way to find something to
>> >> look up to or is there any way I could have consequences or someone
>> >> sort of on me about getting things done?
>> >> Am I the only one who works in this way?
>> >> I wonder if I would've had someone nagging at me constantly whether I
>> >> could have possibly done better in school?
>> >> How do you all deal with this?
>> >> How do you continuously stay so determined?
>> >> For those of you who have had similar childhoods as me where you were
>> >> always told you are amazing and were never made to really work how do
>> >> you force yourself to work so hard?
>> >> I am sorry to post such a long message with so many questions. I don't
>> >> know where or who else to post this to. I can't just keep going on,
>> >> doing nothing, and just being depressed certain days and then be great
>> >> on happy good days.
>> >> Thanks,
>> >> Kerri
>> >>
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