[nabs-l] dealing with parents in a personal decision setting

Fri Nov 14 05:49:50 UTC 2014

Thanks for your suggestions Arielle.
Joe, 1 is already done, and 3 is going to happen next week--I've
already scheduled tours for one school and hopefully will have other
schools on the calendar soon as well.

Jorge

On 11/13/14, Arielle Silverman via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hi Jorge and all,
> If I need to bring up a potentially contentious subject with my
> parents, I will often start the conversation by writing them a letter
> outlining how I feel about the issue, and either emailing it to them
> or leaving it out somewhere where they will find it. I do this for two
> main reasons. One is that the dynamics I have with my parents are such
> that I will often get intimidated or guilted by their initial response
> and tend to back down more than I should if we discuss something in
> person, but with aletter it's easier to get all my points across. The
> second reason is that the letter gives them time to digest what I have
> to say instead of just quickly reacting. I've done this a few times
> and found that my letters always led to productive conversations in
> person after my parents read them, and they were more open to my point
> of view. So if you're worried about how to bring up your decision of
> where to go to school, I might suggest writing them a letter first.
> Explain in your letter why you want to attend this school, and in as
> much detail as possible, your plans for paying the tuition and caring
> for yourself away from home. If you can show them you are mature and
> able to plan ahead, and that this isn't an impulse decision but one
> that you've really thought through, they should be more accepting of
> it. You can also tell them that because you know many blind students
> who have successfully attended college away from home, you are very
> confident that your blindness will not interfere with your
> independence and that you have a network of blind people to call upon
> if you ever have questions about how to handle tasks as a blind
> person. Hopefully after reading your letter, your parents will be
> willing to discuss this with you in a positive way and share their
> specific concerns with you while being open to your needs as well.
> Best,
> Arielle
>
> On 11/13/14, Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> Well said.  And, I'd add that if you haven't been away for an extended
>> period of time more than once or twice, this summer would be a great
>> time to do it.  If your parents see you stay away from home for an
>> extended time with no problem in the summer, then when you return home
>> fine college won't be so scary to them.
>>
>>
>>
>> On 11/13/14, Joe via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> Jorge,
>>>
>>> These are just some suggestions you may consider:
>>>
>>> First, let them know you're considering a distant campus and that you're
>>> planning on applying, just to see what'll happen. This lets them know
>>> your
>>> intentions but also points out that you're just applying. If you don't
>>> get
>>> accepted, then there's no harm, but it'll plant the seed so they won't
>>> get
>>> caught off guard later when you are in fact admitted to the school.
>>> Think
>>> positive, right?
>>>
>>> Second, do all the research you can to figure out logistics. Research
>>> things
>>> like housing, school and public transportation, courses, etc. Basically
>>> you
>>> ought to be able to anticipate their questions and have a tentative plan
>>> laid out. There are things you won't be able to do from home, but let
>>> them
>>> know you've given this a lot of thought and have meticulously planned
>>> out
>>> ways to be independent.
>>>
>>> Third, if at all possible, take a tour of the campus. Often times it's
>>> the
>>> unknown that drives parents a little crazy. If they can see where you're
>>> hoping to study, they might feel better, and it'll give them an
>>> opportunity
>>> to ask questions. Maybe even, curse me for suggesting this, meet with
>>> the
>>> campus disability service. That approach could go really well or really
>>> bad.
>>> Hopefully it'll fall somewhere in the middle, but if you do take that
>>> route,
>>> it might make them feel even more comfortable.
>>>
>>> Ultimately though, probably one of the best things you can do is start
>>> being
>>> proactive about your independence now. My parents had no beef with my
>>> going
>>> away for school because they'd grown used to me going away for camps or
>>> extended field trips and the like.
>>>
>>> Mind you, I'm assuming you're still in high school. If not, as in if
>>> you're
>>> an adult, you sort of get to a point where you say "I'm leaving, and
>>> umm,
>>> that's that." I know it sounds a little trite, but sometimes it's the
>>> parents who have a harder time letting go, and I think this has more to
>>> do
>>> with parenting by nature than anything to do with blindness, though
>>> blindness certainly adds another level of stress for them.
>>>
>>>
>>> Best of luck to you, and if they still need convincing, look me up
>>> off-line.
>>> I'll call, talk to them, give them another perspective on helping them
>>> know
>>> Jorge really is going to be fine on his own. Take it easy.
>>>
>>> Joe
>>> --
>>> Musings of a Work in Progress:
>>> www.JoeOrozco.com/
>>>
>>> Twitter: @ScribblingJoe
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jorge Paez
>>> via
>>> nabs-l
>>> Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2014 4:50 PM
>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dealing with parrents in a personal decision setting
>>>
>>> Hi Nabs:
>>> So, I was wondering something.
>>> So, I've come to a decision on which I'm going to choose something that
>>> my
>>> parents aren't comfortable with.
>>> This applies on several personal fronts, but the one relevant to this
>>> list
>>> is my desire to go away from home for college.
>>> How do you deal with your parents in this topic?
>>> Because I know I can do it, and my parents generally know as well, but
>>> feel
>>> extremely uncomfortable.
>>> I'm their only blind son--I'm actually the only one who's blind in all
>>> my
>>> family, so I don't know if their uncomfortable because of usual
>>> non-sight
>>> related stuff or specificallybecause of my blindness.
>>> Either way, how do you deal with this?
>>> I've made up my mind, so its not a point of choosing, as much as telling
>>> them my choice and making them feel like they've at least had a chance
>>> to
>>> talk to me, and that they understand, not necessarily agree with, my
>>> decision.
>>> Basically, I want to make sure this doesn't end up with anyone feeling
>>> like
>>> theey were left out of the conversation.
>>> If you have any suggestions feel free to write me.
>>>
>>> Thanks,
>>>
>>> Jorge
>>>
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>>
>>
>> --
>> Kaiti
>>
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-- 
Jorge A. Paez

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jorgeapaez11994