[nabs-l] dealing with parents in a personal decision setting

Fri Nov 14 03:44:24 UTC 2014

Hi Jorge and all,
If I need to bring up a potentially contentious subject with my
parents, I will often start the conversation by writing them a letter
outlining how I feel about the issue, and either emailing it to them
or leaving it out somewhere where they will find it. I do this for two
main reasons. One is that the dynamics I have with my parents are such
that I will often get intimidated or guilted by their initial response
and tend to back down more than I should if we discuss something in
person, but with aletter it's easier to get all my points across. The
second reason is that the letter gives them time to digest what I have
to say instead of just quickly reacting. I've done this a few times
and found that my letters always led to productive conversations in
person after my parents read them, and they were more open to my point
of view. So if you're worried about how to bring up your decision of
where to go to school, I might suggest writing them a letter first.
Explain in your letter why you want to attend this school, and in as
much detail as possible, your plans for paying the tuition and caring
for yourself away from home. If you can show them you are mature and
able to plan ahead, and that this isn't an impulse decision but one
that you've really thought through, they should be more accepting of
it. You can also tell them that because you know many blind students
who have successfully attended college away from home, you are very
confident that your blindness will not interfere with your
independence and that you have a network of blind people to call upon
if you ever have questions about how to handle tasks as a blind
person. Hopefully after reading your letter, your parents will be
willing to discuss this with you in a positive way and share their
specific concerns with you while being open to your needs as well.
Best,
Arielle

On 11/13/14, Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Well said.  And, I'd add that if you haven't been away for an extended
> period of time more than once or twice, this summer would be a great
> time to do it.  If your parents see you stay away from home for an
> extended time with no problem in the summer, then when you return home
> fine college won't be so scary to them.
>
>
>
> On 11/13/14, Joe via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> Jorge,
>>
>> These are just some suggestions you may consider:
>>
>> First, let them know you're considering a distant campus and that you're
>> planning on applying, just to see what'll happen. This lets them know
>> your
>> intentions but also points out that you're just applying. If you don't
>> get
>> accepted, then there's no harm, but it'll plant the seed so they won't
>> get
>> caught off guard later when you are in fact admitted to the school. Think
>> positive, right?
>>
>> Second, do all the research you can to figure out logistics. Research
>> things
>> like housing, school and public transportation, courses, etc. Basically
>> you
>> ought to be able to anticipate their questions and have a tentative plan
>> laid out. There are things you won't be able to do from home, but let
>> them
>> know you've given this a lot of thought and have meticulously planned out
>> ways to be independent.
>>
>> Third, if at all possible, take a tour of the campus. Often times it's
>> the
>> unknown that drives parents a little crazy. If they can see where you're
>> hoping to study, they might feel better, and it'll give them an
>> opportunity
>> to ask questions. Maybe even, curse me for suggesting this, meet with the
>> campus disability service. That approach could go really well or really
>> bad.
>> Hopefully it'll fall somewhere in the middle, but if you do take that
>> route,
>> it might make them feel even more comfortable.
>>
>> Ultimately though, probably one of the best things you can do is start
>> being
>> proactive about your independence now. My parents had no beef with my
>> going
>> away for school because they'd grown used to me going away for camps or
>> extended field trips and the like.
>>
>> Mind you, I'm assuming you're still in high school. If not, as in if
>> you're
>> an adult, you sort of get to a point where you say "I'm leaving, and umm,
>> that's that." I know it sounds a little trite, but sometimes it's the
>> parents who have a harder time letting go, and I think this has more to
>> do
>> with parenting by nature than anything to do with blindness, though
>> blindness certainly adds another level of stress for them.
>>
>>
>> Best of luck to you, and if they still need convincing, look me up
>> off-line.
>> I'll call, talk to them, give them another perspective on helping them
>> know
>> Jorge really is going to be fine on his own. Take it easy.
>>
>> Joe
>> --
>> Musings of a Work in Progress:
>> www.JoeOrozco.com/
>>
>> Twitter: @ScribblingJoe
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jorge Paez
>> via
>> nabs-l
>> Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2014 4:50 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: [nabs-l] dealing with parrents in a personal decision setting
>>
>> Hi Nabs:
>> So, I was wondering something.
>> So, I've come to a decision on which I'm going to choose something that
>> my
>> parents aren't comfortable with.
>> This applies on several personal fronts, but the one relevant to this
>> list
>> is my desire to go away from home for college.
>> How do you deal with your parents in this topic?
>> Because I know I can do it, and my parents generally know as well, but
>> feel
>> extremely uncomfortable.
>> I'm their only blind son--I'm actually the only one who's blind in all my
>> family, so I don't know if their uncomfortable because of usual non-sight
>> related stuff or specificallybecause of my blindness.
>> Either way, how do you deal with this?
>> I've made up my mind, so its not a point of choosing, as much as telling
>> them my choice and making them feel like they've at least had a chance to
>> talk to me, and that they understand, not necessarily agree with, my
>> decision.
>> Basically, I want to make sure this doesn't end up with anyone feeling
>> like
>> theey were left out of the conversation.
>> If you have any suggestions feel free to write me.
>>
>> Thanks,
>>
>> Jorge
>>
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>
>
> --
> Kaiti
>
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