[nabs-l] high school question

Sat Oct 11 21:56:32 UTC 2014

Hi,
I thought I'd comment on that subject albeit a little old.
I also had social problems in high school. I struggled to be accepted. I 
also found due to the pace of school and a few minutes between classes, I 
hardly had time to get to know people, let alone develop a good friendship.

I was in clubs but that only helped minimally. I joined spanish club for 
instance.
Like Kaiti's experience, my college years proved better socially.

But still it was not easy finding and making friends. I could never say hi 
to familiar people walking about as I could not identify them. I made 
friends in bible study but that was about it.

Ashley

-----Original Message----- 
From: Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l
Sent: Sunday, September 07, 2014 4:52 PM
To: Carly Mihalakis ; National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] high school question

I have to agree with what Kurt and Lillie said, as my high school
experience wasn't terribly great either.  I did all right, and I
wasn't bullied or anything, but people didn't go out of their way to
return social gestures I tried to put out, and that ultimately led to
me being kind of depressed in my junior year.  Ironically, that was
when I got senioritis, and it really didn't improve till I got
accepted to my college and was relieved to get out of there.

I did a lot of what was recommended by others on this list.  I was in
the marching band for 4 years plus my 8th grade year by invitation; I
was on the academic quiz team and was valuable in answering the music
and genetics questions for the team; I was in women's chorus for one
year; I was an honors/AP student.  Many of my honors and ApP
classmates, bandmates, quiz team members were kids I had grown up with
since elementary school, so I think around middle school was when the
blindness started to become a stigma.  Kids in my junior and senior
classes didn't even speak to me, when we would play together on the
elementary school playground.  It's really sad how shallow people can
get with age.

I have to disagree with Karl a little bit, because I consider myself
to be a pretty extroverted person and still had social issues in high
school.  Thankfully, these have subsided a little in college, but I
have managed to make quality friends in my fraternity, in my band
classes, and almost exclusively hang out with music majors now.  It
was different last year, and I had some of the same issues in mixed
groups where people didn't know me as well.  I think you just have to
try to find people who are like-minded, and remember that the people
who see blindness as a stigma or a problem you have aren't people
worth hanging around with anyway.  When you find the people who are
really cool, those are the ones you want to keep around.

On 9/6/14, Carly Mihalakis via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Afternoon, whomever you are,
>
> Personally, I am 30 and also don't see the value of mixing much with
> my so-called peers. Growing up, I was always more interested in
> conversations with teachers, always having the feeling other kids
> were holding me at arm's length.
> I resented how it felt as though the adults were the one's who
> were  invested in whether I was friends with my peers.
>   their And yeah, as was said, my peers were always "nice enough to
> me," but at the end of the day they really don't
>>see the true values of being anything closer than an acquaintance.
>
>
>
>
>>would rather know that I am not wanted/do not fit in vs being  someone to
>>be pitied.
>>
>>Part of this dates back to elementary school; quite honestly, I was a
>> weird
>>child that not a lot of people, blind or sited wanted to be friends with
>> me.
>>There were adults seemingly hovering all over the place, and what
>> elementary
>>school child would want to deal with that? That said, I did know a few
>>pretty cool people. I was also the target once of an extended period of
>>pretty not-so-good teacher behavior, shall we say. I was the kid that was
>>quite sad and really did not feel that I could relate to other people my
>>age.
>>
>>Relating is something I still kind of have problems with today. I don't
>>really feel that I care that much about today's generation trends such as
>>posting enormous amounts of pictures and other weird stuff on social
>> media,
>>and obsessing over fashion, for example. I also do not really feel that
>> they
>>could relate to day-to-day things with blindness, such as even the small
>>things like being annoyed that I had to do one of my TVI's weird
>> assignments
>>in study hall verses being able to do my homework. I sometimes have
>> trouble
>>coming up with conversation topics with my peers aside from a superficial
>>level. I also feel that I am a little more mature (I'm not sure if that's
>>the right word) and that I had to grow up a lot more quickly than my sited
>>peers.
>>
>>Anyway, onto the original topic.
>>I'd definitely recommend joining some extracurriculars that you like, or
>>have an interest in. I'd also try to make sure that you have the
>>independence skills to be able to be a valuable contributor to the club
>> and
>>not just sit around. You have to be able to prove right from the start
>> that
>>you have something to contribute. I've met some of my afquaintances this
>>way.
>>
>>One last thing to be aware of: If this is an issue, I'd make sure that
>> your
>>school staff know that absolutely under no circumstances are they to set
>> you
>>up with friends, in the sense to ask someone to be your friend. I had a
>>group of friends (who I thought were my friends, anyway) in middle school
>>who I have very strong reason to suspect, although I could never prove it,
>>that my aid at the time or someone else asked them to feel sorry for me
>> and
>>to be my friends. Anyway, once I pretty much figured it out, It served as
>> a
>>very strong source of humiliation for me and I hope nobody else has hod to
>>go through that.
>>
>>I am sorry for the overall tone of this email being negative. I am sure
>> most
>>of you have had good experiences, and I am not trying to discount them or
>>create a sob story. I am just trying to paint a full  picture here.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kirt via
>> nabs-l
>>Sent: Friday, August 29, 2014 8:59 PM
>>To: louvins at gmail.com; National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] highschool question
>>
>>This is fascinating. High school was when I first started to realize, if
>>only subconsciously, that most people don't treat me like a normal person
>>and blindness is pretty much the main reason. It's gotten better since, as
>>I've learned to balance quality humor with genuine competence, but it's
>> not
>>an easy thing.
>>
>>Sent from my iPhone
>>
>> > On Aug 29, 2014, at 6:27 PM, Joshua Hendrickson via nabs-l
>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> >
>> > Hello to Anna and all.  I agree with what has already been said.
>> > Don't be afraid to joke around about your blindness if you are
>> > comfortable doing that.  I always used to joke around in college
>> > classes when I felt the time was right.  I got a lot of pretty good
>> > laughs from students from time to time.  I've also had a class of
>> > students become silent after I've made a joke and the teacher being
>> > afraid of offending me which I thought was pretty funny, since I'd
>> > been the one who made the joke in the first place.  Don't be afraid to
>> > talk to people around you.  If someone asks you a question about
>> > blindness answer the question if you can.  One time, I had a girl
>> > after one of my college math classes aproach me, and ask me some
>> > questions about what it was like being blind.  She wasn't even in my
>> > usual math class.  I answered her questions, then she came up to me in
>> > the studen center a few days later, and asked me a question, that I
>> > had never thought about.  She asked me how do you talk to a blind
>> > person?  I didn't laugh, although, I thought this was a different
>> > question.  I told her, you talk to a blind person the same way you
>> > talk to a sighted person.  Making friends can be very nice.  Good
>> > luck.
>> >
>> >> On 8/29/14, Sofia Gallo via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> >> Totally agree with Marissa, I've had a similar experience and I joke
>> >> about stuff all the time (smile)
>> >>
>> >>> On 8/29/14, Marissa Tejeda via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> >>> I know this may sound...  (lack for a word right now).
>> >>> I have made friends very easily all my life.  High school may seem
>> >>> hard, but it really isn't.  (smiles) I'm in the tenth grade, and
>> >>> have bunches of friends.  I am in band, but when I play with the
>> >>> others, no one notices I'm blind.
>> >>> It would help if I had some music, but that's a different story.
>> >>> I did perform in a pep rally last year.  I got two standing
>> >>> ovations, (there were two rallies so everyone in the school could
>> >>> go).
>> >>> I sat at a table by myself, one day.  (This was just this week.) Two
>> >>> girls sat across from me.  I didn't talk, so they didn't talk to me,
>> >>> (same would have happened, had I been able to see).  Then, my
>> >>> friends, Michelle and Jessica, came and sat by me.  I started
>> >>> talking with them; the two girls that sat across from me were
>> >>> friends of there's.  we ended up having a great time and now, I can
>> >>> ALMOST tell them by voice.  I still get confused between Michelle
>> >>> and Jessica, but I'm getting better.
>> >>>
>> >>> Just be open about it.  This may sound cruel to some, but I'm so
>> >>> open about my blindness, I'll joke about it in class.  "I can't see
>> >>> the board, can I move?" or someone says, "I'll see you tomorrow,
>> >>> Marissa." I'll turn, look at them, and say, "I won't."
>> >>> It gets people laughing.  I answer questions about being blind,
>> >>> whenever I'm asked.  Some people are shy; just say, "It's ok, you
>> >>> can ask."
>> >>> They think they will offend you.  Just let them know that they
>> >>> won't.
>> >>>
>> >>> If you need any help, feel free to email me off-list.
>> >>>
>> >>>
>> >>> ----- Original Message -----
>> >>> From: Ana Martinez via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> >>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> >>> Date sent: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 09:08:49 -0600
>> >>> Subject: [nabs-l] highschool question
>> >>>
>> >>> hi all I have a question, how do you make friends in highschool, for
>> >>> me it has been difficult because there a lot of students and in all
>> >>> of my classes there are different kids ,
>> >>>
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-- 
Kaiti

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